Seinfeld Cosmo Kramer Quotes
1- “A bra is for ladies. I’m talking about a support undergarment specifically designed for men.” – Cosmo Kramer
2- ” Jerry, my face is my livelihood, my allure…my twinkle! Everything I have I owe to this face.” – Cosmo Kramer
3- “I’m out there, Jerry, and I’m lovin’ every minute of it!” – Cosmo Kramer
4- “You know, I got a great idea for a cologne. ‘The Beach’. You spray it on and you smell like you just came home from the beach.” – Cosmo Kramer
5- “It’s a pizza place where you make your own pie! We give you the dough, the sauce, the cheese…you pound it, slap it, you flip it up into the air…you put your toppings on and you slide it into the oven! Sounds good, huh?” – Cosmo Kramer
6- “Oh, understudies are a very shifty bunch. The substitute teachers of the theater world.” – Cosmo Kramer
7- “Boxers! How do you wear these things!! Look at that—they’re baggin’ up, they’re rising in! And there’s nothing holding me in place! I’m flippin’! I’m floppin’!” – Cosmo Kramer
8- “You’re a rabid anti-dentite! Oh, it starts with a few jokes and some slurs. ‘Hey, denty!’ Next thing you know you’re saying they should have their own schools.” – Cosmo Kramer
9- “They don’t have a decent piece of fruit at the supermarket. The apples are mealy, the oranges are dry. I don’t know what’s going on with the papayas!” – Cosmo Kramer
10- “You know I got a great idea for a cologne. The Beach. You spray it on and you smell like you just came home from the beach.” – Cosmo Kramer
11- “If everybody knew everybody, we wouldn’t have the problems we have in the world today. Well, you don’t rob somebody if you know their name!” – Cosmo Kramer
12- “Because I’m like ice, buddy. When I don’t like you, you’ve got problems.” – Cosmo Kramer
13- “You ever dream in 3-D? It’s like the bogeyman is coming RIGHT AT YOU.” – Cosmo Kramer
14- “I got news for you: Handicapped people, they don’t even want to park there! They wanna be treated just like anybody else! That’s why those spaces are always empty.” – Cosmo Kramer
15- “Because they’re terrified of her. I heard from someone that when they cut one of her lines, she climbed up the rope on side of the stage and started dropping lights on people’s heads. Story like that has got to be true.” – Cosmo Kramer
16- “He’s not a Nazi. He just happens to be a little eccentric. Most geniuses are.” – Cosmo Kramer
17- “I’ve seen moles so big they have their own moles. Freckles that cover two men.” – Cosmo Kramer
18- “Jerry, I know myself. If I’m out on the street and it starts to go down, I don’t back off until it’s finished.” – Cosmo Kramer
19- “It’s disgusting. I’m sitting there in a tepid pool of my own filth. All kinds of microscopic parasites and organisms having sex all around me.” – Cosmo Kramer
20- “I waited all year for this. Oooh, this is fantastic. Makes your taste buds come alive. It’s like having a circus in your mouth.” – Cosmo Kramer
21- “You should be thanking me for liberating you from your world of loneliness and isolation. Now you’re part of a family.” – Cosmo Kramer
22- “I love her, Jerry, I really love her. I’m gonna ask her to marry me. She’s got everything I’ve always wanted in another human being. Except for the walking.” – Cosmo Kramer
23- “CALVIN KLEIN? No, no. That’s my idea. They, they stole my idea. You see I had the idea of a cologne that makes you smell like you just came from the beach.”
24- “I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, all I can see is that giant red sun in the shape of a chicken.” – Cosmo Kramer
25- “Yeah, Jerry, I’m telling you I have this power. And I have no control over it.” – Cosmo Kramer
26- “Hey, I’m on first and first. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe.” – Cosmo Kramer
27- “A gymnast, Jerry. Think of the flexibility. Mmm, that sex’ll melt your face.” – Cosmo Kramer
28- “You don’t eat Oreos? The way you break them open? You’re practically having sex with them.” – Cosmo Kramer
29- “They don’t have a decent piece of fruit at the supermarket. The apples are mealy, the oranges are dry. I don’t know what’s going on with the papayas!” – Cosmo Kramer
30- “That’s it, George. Come on, come on. Give it to me. Come on, work it. Work it. Yeah be a man, be a man.” – Cosmo Kramer
31- “There’s nothing more pathetic than a grown man who’s afraid of
a woman.” – Cosmo Kramer
32- “I was living in twilight, George. Living in the shadows. Living in the darkness…like you.” – Cosmo Kramer
33- “Oh, understudies are a very shifty bunch. The substitute teachers of the theater world.” – Cosmo Kramer
34- “I love the name ‘Isosceles.’ If I had a kid, I would name him Isosceles. Isosceles Kramer.” – Cosmo Kramer
35- “Who’s gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It’s chocolate, it’s peppermint—it’s delicious.” – Cosmo Kramer
36- “Now what does the little man inside you say? See you gotta listen to the little man.” – Cosmo Kramer
37- “Jerry, my face is my livelihood, my allure…my twinkle! Everything I have I owe to this face.” – Cosmo Kramer
38- “If you’re not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.” – Cosmo Kramer
39- “Because I’m like ice, buddy. When I don’t like you, you’ve got problems.” – Cosmo Kramer
40- “We have to do it. It’s part of our lifestyle. It’s like, uh…shaving.” – Cosmo Kramer
41- “You ever dream in 3-D? It’s like the bogeyman is coming RIGHT AT YOU.” – Cosmo Kramer