Jerry Seinfeld quotes and sayings
1- “You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.’”
2- “Look to the cookie, Elaine!”
3- “Hunger will make people do amazing things. I mean, the proof of that is cannibalism.”
4- “Why do I always have the feeling that everybody’s doing something better than me on Saturday afternoons?”
5- “All of a sudden it hit me, I realized what the problem is: I can’t be with someone like me. I hate myself! If anything, I need to get the exact opposite of me. It’s too much. It’s too much, I can’t take it. I can’t take it…”
6- “Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you gotta rock it back and forth a few times and then it goes over.”
7- “What’s the deal with lampshades? I mean if it’s a lamp, why do you want shade?”
8- “What is it about sleep that makes you so thirsty? Do dreams require liquid? It’s not like I’m running a marathon, I’m just lying there.”
9- “Who goes on vacation without a job? What do you need a break from getting up at eleven?”
10- “The appeal of the posse? The posse has tremendous appeal. Get away from the job, camp out, you’re with your friends….Come on, it’s a week-long game of hide-and-seek on horseback. “
11- “People don’t turn down money! It’s what separates us from the animals.”
12- “Salad! What was I thinking? Women don’t respect salad eaters.”
13- “What could possess anyone to throw a party? I mean, to have a bunch of strangers treat your house like a hotel room.”
14- “Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.”
15- “What is it about sleep that makes you so thirsty? Do dreams require liquid? It’s not like I’m running a marathon, I’m just lying there.”
16- “Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?”
17- “People on dates shouldn’t even be allowed out in public.”
18- ” I don’t get it. Not allowed to ask a Chinese person where the Chinese restaurant is! I mean, aren’t we all getting a little too sensitive? I mean, someone asks me which way’s Israel, I don’t fly off the handle.”
19- “I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?”
20- “I don’t even care about cops. I wanna see more garbage men. It’s much more important. All I wanna see are garbage trucks, garbage cans and garbage men. You’re never gonna stop crime, we should at least be clean.”
21- “Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”
22- “Salad! What was I thinking? Women don’t respect salad eaters.” – Jerry
23- “That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”
24- “You can’t believe this woman. She’s one of those low-talkers. You can’t hear a word she’s saying! You’re always going ‘excuse me?’, ‘what was that?’”
25- “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”
26- “Do you think it’s effeminate for a man to put clothes in a gentle cycle?”
27- “What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses—like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?”
28- “People don’t turn down money! It’s what separates us from the animals.”
29- “Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.”
30- “Why do I always have the feeling that everybody’s doing something better than me on Saturday afternoons?”
31- “What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses—like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?”