1- Larry: “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.”
2- Larry: It seems silly to me to put a napkin on an old pair of pants.
3- Larry: It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas
4- Larry: “I’m trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.”
5- Larry: I don’t like talking to people I know, but strangers I have no problem with.
6- Larry: You have to discover when you’re inadequate to be funny and you don’t know you’re inadequate when you’re a kid.
7- Larry: I’m not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges. I break world records running from challenges
8- Larry: I did, once, try and stop a woman who was about to get hit by a car. I screamed out ‘Watch out!’ and she said ‘Don’t you tell me what to do!’
9- Larry: “A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.”
10- Larry: What is this compulsion to have people over at your house and serve them food and talk to them?
11- Larry: You can put my colon up next to your colon; we’ll see who has a cleaner, healthier colon.
12- Larry: Sure, being a reservist wasn’t as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.
13- Larry: Most of the time I’m thinking, I’m glad that scene was improvised.
14- Larry: Women love a self-confident bald man.
15- Larry: Id like to tell my wife I look like Brad Pitt, but unfortunately, she can see.
16- Larry: There’s a jetstream of bullshit coming out of your mouth my friend, you are busted buddy!
19- Larry: You’re nothing without your health. Some people are nothing even with their health. I fall in that category, sometimes.
20- Larry: Can I tell you something about apricots? … 1 in 30 is a good one. It’s such a low percentage fruit.
22- Larry: “I just… I can’t stand the sound of the human voice.”
23- Larry: If you tell the truth about how you’re feeling, it becomes funny.
24- Larry: Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis
25- Larry: I’m Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women’s panties.
27- Larry: “I’m not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There’s no closure”
28- Larry: I’m a walking, talking enigma. We’re a dying breed
29- Larry: “I go out to dinner, I wind up I with a homework assignment.”
30- Larry: To be honest . . . I think the only thing that really worked in my favor, is that right from the beginning I really didn’t [care] whether or not [Seinfeld] was a success. That’s not to say I didn’t want to do good work, but I wasn’t about to let myself be judged by network standards. When you’re not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.
31- Larry: I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out
32- Larry: Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.
33- “A good compromise is when both parties are dissatisfied”
34- Larry: “He wanted a stop and chat with me, and I don’t know him well enough for a stop and chat!”
35- Larry: Well, I always think the worst things are going to happen here, be