Dr. Robert Underdunk Terwilliger Jr., better known as Sideshow Bob, is a recurring character in the animated television series “The Simpsons.” He is voiced by actor Kelsey Grammer.
Bob started off as the sidekick to Krusty the Clown, a local celebrity in the show’s setting of Springfield. However, his character takes a darker turn when he frames Krusty for armed robbery in order to take over his show. Bob’s plot is foiled by Bart Simpson, and this marks the beginning of Bob’s ongoing vendetta against Bart.
Sideshow Bob Quotes
1. “Sideshow Bob: Ah, Mr. Simpson, you’re forgetting the first two noble truths of the Buddha.
Homer: I am not!” –Sideshow Bob
2. “Sideshow Bob: Hand over all your money in a paper bag.
Apu: Yes, yes. I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know.”Sideshow Bob
3. “Hand over all your money in a paper bag!” -Season 1, Episode 12 – “Krusty Gets Busted”
4. “I’ve stolen a nuclear weapon. If you do not rid this city of television within two hours, I will detonate it…” -Season 7, Episode 9 – “Sideshow Bob’s Last Gleaming”
5. “Ah, here we are: Have Bart kill Krusty…” -Season 12, Episode 13 – “Day Of The Jackanapes”
6. “Voy a matar a usted. That’s Spanish for… I’m going to kill you…” -Season 3, Episode 21 – “Black Widower”
7. “The deed is done. 24 years of trying to kill a ten-year-old child have finally paid off.” -Season 27, Episode 5 – “Treehouse of Horror XXVI”
8. “After all these years, I get to watch the life drain from your eye…” -Season 31, Episode 10 – “Bobby, It’s Cold Outside”
9. “You will have 72 hours to vacate. At that time, we will blow up your house and any remaining Simpsons.” -Season 6, Episode 5 – “Sideshow Bob Roberts”
10. “Roman numeral III: Surprise boy in bed……and, uh…disembowel him!” -Season 5, Episode 2 – “Cape Feare”
11. “No single act is against any law, but their sum total is the greatest murder since Snape killed Dumbledore!” -Season 21, Episode 22 – “The Bob Next Door”
12. “Simpson family, I hereby swear a vendetta!” -Season 17, Episode 8 – “The Italian Bob”
13. “Sideshow Bob: Bart, children, this whole sordid affair has been a shock to all of us. But we must get on with our lives. Let’s try to remember Krusty, not as a hardened criminal, but as that loveable jester who honked his horn and puttered around in his little car.
Bart: And shot you out of a cannon.
Sideshow Bob: And shot me out of a cannon. Yes, we will never forget that, will we?”-Sideshow Bob
14. “Sideshow Bob: Bart, I must know. How did you untangle my web?
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, Bart, pull us in!
Bart: Well, I’d hate to tell the number one cop in town how to do his job.
Chief Wiggum: No, no, please. It’s the only way I’ll learn.”-Sideshow Bob
15. “Sideshow Bob: Selma, would you mind if I did something bold and shocking in front of your family?
Selma: All right, but no tongues.
Sideshow Bob: Although kissing you would be like kissing some divine ashtray, that’s not what I had in mind. Selma, will you marry me?
Bart: Don’t be a fool, Aunt Selma. That man is scum.
Selma: Then call me Mrs. Scum.”-Sideshow Bob
16. “Sideshow Bob: Let’s not tarry. As Shakespeare said, “If it were done when ’tis done, then ’twere best it were done quickly.” Power on!(turns on the laptop and laughs maniacally) This time I’ve made no mistakes.
Lisa: Actually, you made one. What Shakespeare really said was, “‘Twere well it were done quickly.”
Sideshow Bob: Yes, I’m sure you’ve studied the immortal bard extensively under your “Miss Hoover.” (leaves and shuts the door)
Lisa: Macbeth, act one, scene seven. Look it up.
Sideshow Bob: (re-enters) I shall! (takes the laptop) Come on, Wikipedia. Load, you unwieldy behemoth! laptop explodes Oh, dear. Sideshow Bob, “Hoist on his own petard.”
Lisa: It’s “hoist with his own petard.”
Sideshow Bob: Oh, get a life.”-Sideshow Bob
17. “Sideshow Bob: Before you die, perhaps you’d like to know how I engineered my ultimate revenge.
Homer: I’d like to know if Wes Doobner is aware of what you’re doing in his restaurant!
Sideshow Bob: I’m Wes Doobner!
Homer: Mr. Doobner, I have a complaint: I work hard and when I go out with my family I expect a certain level of basic–
Sideshow Bob: Shut up!”-Sideshow Bob
18. “(At Sideshow Bob’s trial.) Sideshow Bob: Your Honor, I choose to represent myself. And let me say… I did try to kill the Simpsons. I truly did.
(The entire courtroom gasps in shock.)
Prosecutor: (to Homer and Marge) Okay, if he doesn’t say “but” right now, we are home free.
Sideshow Bob: But–
Prosecutor: Damn!”-Sideshow Bob
19. “Bart/Lisa: Aah! Sideshow Bob!
Bart: You wrote me those letters!
Marge: You awful man! Stay away from my son.
Bob: Oh, I’ll stay away from your son, all right. (evilly) Stay away…forever!
Homer: (quaking) No!
Bob: Wait a minute, that’s no good. (Starts to walk away, then runs back) Wait! I’ve got a good one now. Marge, say, “Stay away from my son,” again.
Marge: (angrily) No!
Bob: (groaning) Oh…”-Sideshow Bob
20. “Homer: Hey kids, wanna drive through that cactus patch?
Bart: Yeah!
Lisa: Yeah!
Sideshow Bob: (from under the car) No!
Homer: Well, two against one.”-Sideshow Bob
21. “Man: Now don’t you fret. When I’m through, he won’t set foot in this town again. I can be very, VERY persuasive. (reloads his gun)
(Scene change to a bar)
Man: (whining) C’mon, leave town!
Bob: No.
Man: I’ll be your friend?
Bob: No.
Man: Aw, you’re mean!”-Sideshow Bob
22. “Lawyer: What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn’t it say “Die, Bart, Die”?
Sideshow Bob: No, that’s German for “The Bart, The”.-Sideshow Bob
23. “Bob: Bart Simpson, that mischeivous little scamp that twice sent me to that dank urine soaked hellhole.
Parole Officer: Uh…We object to the term “urine soaked hellhole,” when you could of used “peepee soaked heckhole.”
Bob: Cheerfully withdrawn.”-Sideshow Bob
24. “Bob: The greatest murder since Snape killed Dumbledore.
Bart: Oh I haven’t gotten to that part yet.
Bob: It’s a 4 year old book!
Bart: I’m a slow reader.
Bob: A fitting epitaph… it means last words.
Bob: Are you here to teach me or kill me?”-Sideshow Bob
25. “Selma: What did I miss?
Patty: MacGyver was wearing a tank top!
Selma: Dang!
Sideshow Bob: Well Selma, I thought I was the only man in your life?
Selma: Sit down and shut up!”-Sideshow Bob
26. “Homer: Ooh, appetizers!
Sideshow Bob: Well Homer, what should we serve?
Homer: Well, you can’t go wrong with cocktail weenies. They taste as good as they look, and they come with this delicious red sauce, it looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, but brother, it ain’t ketchup.”-Sideshow Bob
27. “Selma: And here’s another breathtaking sight… my brand new hubby!
Sideshow Bob: I wanted a room with a fireplace you blasted monkey… Oh Selma dear… I was just chatting with my good friend… Dennis! Now, smile for the camera, there’s a good lad!”-Sideshow Bob
28. “Sideshow Bob: That was a big mistake, Bart. No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.”-Sideshow Bob
29. “Bart: We want the truth.
Sideshow Bob: You can’t handle the truth! No truth-handler, you. BAH! I deride your truth-handling abilities.”-Sideshow Bob
30. “Oh, I see! when it’s one of my schemes, you can’t foil It fast enough! But when cecil tries to kill you, It’s utterly, utterly hopeless!” –Sideshow Bob
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