Reservoir Dogs is about an original heist story.
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1- “I don’t wanna kill anybody. But if I gotta get out that door, and you’re standing in my way, one way or the other, you’re gettin’ outta my way.” –Mr. Pink, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
2- “I can say I definitely didn’t do it because I know what I did or didn’t do. But I cannot definitely say that about anybody else, ’cause I don’t definitely know.” –Mr. Pink, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
3- “Eddie, you keep talking like a bitch, I’m gonna slap you like a bitch.” –Mr. Blonde, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
4- “If you shoot this man, you die next. Repeat. If you shoot this man, you die next.” –Mr. White, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
5- “We got places all over the place.” –Nice Guy Eddie, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
6- “[to Mr. White] Larry, stop pointin’ that fuckin’ gun at my Dad!” –Nice Guy Eddie, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
7- “Alright, first things fuckin’ last! Who’s got the stones?” –Nice Guy Eddie, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
8- “If you fucking beat this prick long enough, he’ll tell you he started the goddamn Chicago fire, now that don’t necessarily make it fucking so!” –Nice Guy Eddie, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
9- “[rubbing his thumb and forefinger together]Do you know what this is? It’s the world’s smallest violin playing just for the waitresses.” –Mr. Pink, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
10- “I gotta memorize all this? There’s over four fucking pages of this shit!” –Freddy Newandyke, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
11- “That was The Partridge Family’s “Doesn’t Somebody Want to be Wanted?”, followed by Edison Lighthouse’s “Love Grows where my Rosemary Goes” as K-Billy’s Super Sounds of the 70’s weekend just keeps on… truckin’.” –K-Billy DJ,‘Reservoir Dogs’.
12- “[Nice Guy Eddie asks if anyone knows what happened to Mr. Blue] Either he’s alive or he’s dead, or the cops got him… or they don’t.” –Mr. Blonde, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
13- “Somebody’s shoved a red-hot poker up our ass, and I want to know whose name is on the handle!” –Mr. Pink, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
14- “[reassuring himself in the mirror] Don’t pussy out on me now. They don’t know. They don’t know shit. You’re not gonna get hurt. You’re fucking Barretta. They believe every fucking word ’cause you’re super cool.” –Freddy Newandyke, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
15- “Now listen up, Mr. Pink. There’s two ways we can do this job. My way… or the highway!” –Joe, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
16- “All right ramblers, let’s get rambling!” –Joe, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
17- “[last lines] Freeze! Drop the fucking gun, buddy. Put the gun down! Don’t do it! Drop the gun man! Don’t do it! Drop the fucking gun. We’re gonna fucking blow you away! [gunshots]” –Off-Screen Police Officers, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
18- “So, you guys like to tell jokes and giggle and kid around, huh? Gigglin’ like a bunch of young broads in a schoolyard. Well, let me tell a joke. Five guys, sittin’ in a bullpen, in San Quentin. Wondering how the fuck they got there. “What did we do wrong? What shoulda we done? What didn’t we do? It’s your fault, my fault, his fault.” All that bullshit. Finally someone comes up with the idea, “Wait a minute. While we were planning this caper, all we did was sit around tell fuckin’ jokes! Got the message? Fellas, I don’t mean to holler at ya. When this caper’s over – and I’m sure it’s gonna be a successful one – hell, we’ll get down to the Hawaiian Islands, I’ll roll and laugh with all of you. You’ll find me a different character down there. Right now, it’s a matter of business.” –Joe, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
19- “I’m very sorry the government taxes their tips, that’s fucked up. That ain’t my fault. It would seem to me that waitresses are one of the many groups the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. Look, if you ask me to sign something that says the government shouldn’t do that, I’ll sign it, put it to a vote, I’ll vote for it, but what I won’t do is play ball. And as for this non-college bullshit I got two words for that: learn to fuckin’ type, ’cause if you’re expecting me to help out with the rent you’re in for a big fuckin’ surprise.” –Mr. Pink, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
20- “You’re acting like a first year fucking thief! I’m acting like a professional!” –Mr. Pink, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
21- “Motherfucker, I’m trying to watch ‘The Lost Boys’!” –Freddy Newandyke, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
22- “Hey, I’ve changed my mind. Shoot this piece of shit, will ya?” –Joe, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
23- “The choice between doing ten years and taking out some stupid motherfucker, ain’t no choice at all. But I ain’t no madman.” –Mr. White, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
24- “[Mr. Blonde has cut off Marvin’s ear and begins talking into it]Hey what’s goin’ on? Can you hear that?” –Mr. Blonde, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
25- “Where’s the commode in this dungeon? I gotta take a squirt.” –Mr. Pink, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
26- “Let’s go to work.” –Joe, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
27- “I don’t know who did what! I don’t know who’s got the loot. I don’t know if anybody’s got the loot. I don’t know who’s dead, who’s alive, who’s caught, who’s not.” –Nice Guy Eddie, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
28- “Was that as good for you as it was for me?” –Mr. Blonde, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
29- “Ain’t that a sad sight, Daddy, the man walks in the prison a white man, walks out talkin’ like a fuckin’ nigger. You know what, I think it’s all that black semen been pumped up your ass so far, now it’s backed into your fuckin brain, and it’s coming out your mouth!” –Nice Guy Eddie, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
30- “I mean everbody panics, everybody, things get tense, it’s human nature to panic, I don’t care what you name it you just can’t help it.” –Mr. Pink, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
31- “Boy that was really exciting. I bet you’re a big Lee Marvin fan aren’t ya. Yeah me too. I love that guy. My heart’s beatin’ so fast I’m about to have a heart attack” –Mr. Blonde, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
32- “Guess what, I think I’m parked in the red-zone!” –Mr. Blonde, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
33- “What you’re supposed to do is act like a fuckin’ professional. A psychopath ain’t a professional. You can’t work with a psychopath. You don’t know what those sick assholes are gonna do next.” –Mr. White, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
34- “So you had a few bad months. You do what everybody else does. I don’t care if it’s J.P. Morgan or lrving the tailor. You ride it out.” –Joe, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
35- “It never ceases to amaze me. A fuckin’ jungle bunny goes out there, slits a whore woman’s throat for 25 cents, he gets Doris Day for a parole officer. A good fella like you winds up with a ball-bustin’ prick!” –Joe, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
36- “[pulling a gun on Mr. Blonde] Fuck you, Maniac!” –Mr. White, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
37- “You kids shouldn’t play so rough. Somebody’s gonna start cryin’.” –Mr. Blonde, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
38- “Hardy fuckin’ har.” –Mr. White, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
39- “[after hearing Orange’s smuggling story] Only one thing to do in that case: shit in yer pants an’ dive in and swim!” –Joe, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
40- “Cough up a buck you cheap bastard.” –Joe, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
41- “What, did you forget your french fries, to go with the soda?” –Mr. White, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
42- “I might break you in, Nice Guy, but I’d make you my dog’s bitch.”-Mr. Blonde, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
43- “I swear to God, I think I’m fuckin’ jinxed.” –Mr. White, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
44- “Where the fuck is everybody? I say the plan becomes null and void once we found out we got a rat here.” –Mr. Pink, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
45- “Hell of a woman. Good little thief.” –Mr. White, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
46- “The things you gotta remember are the details. It’s the details that sell your story. Now, this particular story takes place in a men’s room. So, you gotta know all the details about the men’s room. You gotta know if they got paper towels or a blower to dry your hands. You gotta know if the stalls ain’t got no doors or not. You gotta know if they got liquid soap or that pink, granulated powder shit they used in high school. Remember? You gotta know if they got hot water or not, if it stinks, if some nasty, lowlife, scum-ridden motherfucker, man, sprayed diarrhea all over one of the bowls. You gotta know *every* detail there is to know about this commode. What you gotta do is take all them details, man, and make ’em your own. While you’re doing that, you gotta remember that this story is about you and how you perceived the events that went down.” –Holdaway, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
47- “[while cutting Marvin Nash’s ear off] Hold still! Hold still, you fuck!” –Mr. Blonde, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
48- “Look man, undercover cops gotta be Marlon Brando, man. To do this job you gotta be a great actor. You gotta be naturalistic. You gotta be naturalistic as hell. If you ain’t a Brando actor, you’re a bad actor. And bad acting is bullshit in this job.” –Holdaway, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
49- “I got an idea. Just hear me out. I know you don’t like usin’ the boys on these jobs but Vic here – I mean, he’s only been nothin’ but good luck for us. The guy’s a fuckin’ rabbit’s foot, for cryin’ out loud. I’d like to have him in.” –Nice Guy Eddie, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
50- “I come into the club one night and there’s Carlos, he’s a bartender. He’s a wetback. He’s a friend of mine.” –Nice Guy Eddie, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
51- “Lady E… I mean she was a man-eater-upper.. un-fucking-believable… every guy who ever, ever laid his eyes on her had to jerk off to her at least once.” –Nice Guy Eddie, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
52- “[after Mr. Pink’s tipping conversation] Jesus Christ!” –Mr. Brown, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.
53- “Mr. Blonde: Hey Joe, you want me to shoot this guy?
Mr. White: [laughs] Shit… You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize .[He removes his razor]” –‘Reservoir Dogs’.
54- “Mr. Blonde: Listen kid, I’m not gonna bullshit you, all right? I don’t give a good fuck what you know, or don’t know, but I’m gonna torture you anyway, regardless. Not to get information. It’s amusing, to me, to torture a cop. You can say anything you want cause I’ve heard it all before. All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain’t gonna get.
Mr. Blonde: You ever listen to K-Billy’s “Super Sounds of the Seventies” weekend? It’s my personal favorite.” –‘Reservoir Dogs’.
55- “Mr. White: Relax. Have a cigarette.
Mr. Pink: I quit.
Mr. White: [pause] Alright.
Mr. Pink: Why, you got one?” –‘Reservoir Dogs’.
56- “Mr. Pink: For all I know, you’re the rat.
Mr. White: For all I know you’re the fucking rat!
Mr. Pink: All right, now you’re using your fucking head!” –‘Reservoir Dogs’.
57- “Mr. White: How do you know all this?
Joe: He was the only one that I wasn’t 100% sure on. I should have my fuckin’ head examined for going on a plan like this when I wasn’t a hundred percent!
Mr. White: [shouting] That’s your proof?
Joe: You don’t need proof when you have instinct!” –‘Reservoir Dogs’.
58- “Marvin: I already told you I don’t know anything about any fucking setup; you can torture me all you want.
Mr. Blonde: Torture you? That’s a good idea. I like that.” –‘Reservoir Dogs’.
59- “Freddy Newandyke: [asked by Holdaway to describe Joe Cabot] You remember the ‘Fantastic Four’?
Holdaway: Yeah, with that invisible bitch, ‘Flame On!’ and that shit?
Freddy Newandyke: The Thing; motherfucker looks like The Thing.” –‘Reservoir Dogs’.
60- “Mr White: That girl’s ass…
Mr. Orange: It’s sitting here right on my dick.” –‘Reservoir Dogs’.
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