1- “Jordan’s gonna have a case of “assus beatus redus”. That’s Latin for I’m gonna beat his ass until it glows.” -Bernie Mac
2- “I know doing movies is where I need to be. That’s where my audience wants to see me.” -Bernie Mac
3- “Bernie Mac just says what you think but are afraid to say.” -Bernie Mac
4- “Stand-up is what I am; stand-up is what made me.” -Bernie Mac
5- “If you don’t bust a nut when I bust a nut… then you fresh outta fuckin’ luck!” -Bernie Mac
6- “Jerry Weintraub, the producer, might be a pain in the ass, but he really knows how to treat his actors.” -Bernie Mac
7- “Black audiences are hard. They always think they’re better than you. So you got to come with a little extra to satisfy them.” -Bernie Mac
8- “I’m an ordinary guy with an extraordinary job.” -Bernie Mac
9- “I will fuck a kid up. When a kid gets one-years-old, I believe you got the right to hit him in either the throat or the stomach. If you grown enough to talk back, you grown enough to get fucked up!” -Bernie Mac
10- “Bernie Mac just says what you think but are afraid to say.” -Bernie Mac
11- “I’m an ordinary guy with an extraordinary job.” -Bernie Mac
12- “Comedy has been so good to me.” -Bernie Mac
13- “You know you’re black motherfucka when you put fingerprints on charcoal.” -Bernie Mac
14- “I’ve never been no superficial cat.” -Bernie Mac
15- “I’m very much disciplined because I’m more mature. When I was young I just wanted to live, I could jump, I could run, I was quick and I was relentless.” -Bernie Mac
16- “I’ve been in training for stardom.” -Bernie Mac
17- “Whatever you hear at the barber shop, stays at the barber shop.” -Bernie Mac
18- “The one thing about comedy, making it become a part of you, the audience loves it, because you become part of them.” -Bernie Mac
19- “I’m not ashamed to tell the truth about what happened in my family. I think that’s what makes my comedy different.” -Bernie Mac
20- “I’m an ordinary guy with an extraordinary job.” -Bernie Mac
21- “You know, every time it comes, every time that light comes on or every time that camera comes on, every time that microphone comes on, the Mac Man seek and destroy.” -Bernie Mac
22- “I think a lot of TV insults the audience.” -Bernie Mac
23- “The success of my comedy has been not being afraid to touch on subject matters or issues that everyone else is politically scared of.” -Bernie Mac
24- “I don’t need to pat myself on the back until my arm breaks. I don’t need any of that.” -Bernie Mac
25- “Jerry Weintraub, the producer, might be a pain in the ass, but he really knows how to treat his actors.” -Bernie Mac
26- “When I go onstage, I want to relieve your mind, your pressures.” -Bernie Mac
27- “Okay, first rule of this carpool. No breaking wind in my car. The only gas that Bernie Mac want to be smelling is unleaded.” -Bernie Mac
28- “I’m not a star, and I don’t want to be a star. Stars fall. I’m an ordinary guy with an extraordinary job.” -Bernie Mac
29- “Why I was so intrigued with Red Skelton was because he was able to make you cry and laugh and the same time. That was power.” -Bernie Mac
30- “When you’re offstage, that’s the footprint. That’s the man God’s gonna judge.” -Bernie Mac
31- “Bernie Mac don’t sugarcoat.” -Bernie Mac
32- “I’ve introduced myself with comedy, and once you’ve introduced yourself as something, that’s where people keep you. That’s where people like to hold you.” -Bernie Mac
33- “You’re never going to see me playing a buffoon.” -Bernie Mac
34- “I don’t have no story. Everybody wants this Hollywood story, but the world don’t owe you nothing, man. It’s what you owe the world.” -Bernie Mac
35- “The two sides of Bernie – that’s a quiet weapon that I have.” -Bernie Mac
36- “My comedy comes from pain. I can’t stand to see someone hurting.” -Bernie Mac
37- “Why I was so intrigued with Red Skelton was because he was able to make you cry and laugh and the same time. That was power.” -Bernie Mac
38- “I’m funny. I’m a comedian. I’m not a clown.” -Bernie Mac
39- “You can’t be a doctor if you don’t know the entire parts of the body.” -Bernie Mac
40- “That’s the whole key to anything: Don’t be afraid to fail. And is not afraid to fail.” -Bernie Mac
41- “I don’t ever watch myself. By watching, you try to perfect yourself, become a robot.” -Bernie Mac
42- “I want to speak directly to the audience, to say, ‘I’m like you – I’m frustrated, I’m not an expert, I don’t have a manual on parenting, I make mistakes, I’m selfish too.’” -Bernie Mac
43- “When I started in the clubs, I had to work places where didn’t nobody else want to work. I had to do clubs where street gangs were, had to do motorcycle gangs, gay balls and things of that nature.” -Bernie Mac
44- “Fear is not one of my attributes.” -Bernie Mac
45- “I love my daughter, but there’s a certain feeling, a certain emotion when you got a granddaughter, you know?” -Bernie Mac
46- “I don’t have no story. Everybody wants this Hollywood story, but the world don’t owe you nothing, man. It’s what you owe the world.” -Bernie Mac
47- “I want to play a villain – I can’t wait to play a villain.” -Bernie Mac
48- “Hugs aren’t like pieces of pie. Plenty of hugs to go around.” -Bernie Mac
49- “I came from a place where there wasn’t a lot of joy.” -Bernie Mac
50- “I’m so black, I leave fingerprints on coal.” -Bernie Mac
51- “I hate to let people down. I was like that in sports and I was like that in comedy. I was like that at work. When I worked General Motors and stuff like that, when I say something, I mean it.” -Bernie Mac
52- “You know you poor when you eatin’ breakfast food late. You fryin’ toast? At nine o’clock at night? With bacon? You’re broke.” -Bernie Mac
53- “I’m not a star, I hate that word, and I’m an entertainer. Stars fall, you know, I’m an entertainer. I want to be known as an entertainer.” -Bernie Mac
54- “I love who I am. I love what I’ve become.” -Bernie Mac
55- “I’ve always been a reserved cat. When I play sports, there’s people used to get mad at me because I didn’t hang out and things like that. I’ve never been that kind of person. Nothing has changed in that regard. I’ve never been posse, and all that. I’m a quiet storm.” -Bernie Mac
56- “Only way you can you get upset is when you expecting something.” -Bernie Mac
57- “I want to have fun. Life ain’t no dress rehearsal. I want to have fun. I’m a comedian; I ain’t no politician. So everything I do is with humor, with love.” -Bernie Mac
58- “Only way you can you get upset is when you expecting something.” -Bernie Mac
59- “I’m not a politician, I’m a comedian. I know my limitations.” -Bernie Mac
60- “You have to meet all of the challenges, big and small. Because how you start is how you finish.” -Bernie Mac
61- “I was a street performer for two years.” -Bernie Mac
62- “Sometimes when you lose you win, son. Failure is just life’s way of preparing you for success.” -Bernie Mac
63- “I was good at keeping my mother from crying.” -Bernie Mac
64- “Suffering is a good teacher. It keeps you in its grip until you’ve learned your lesson.” -Bernie Mac
65- “I ain’t running for office. I ain’t running for nothing.” -Bernie Mac
66- “I’m not afraid to fail. Sometimes when you lose, you win. Sometimes when you win, you lose.” -Bernie Mac
67- “If I can tell someone a story that makes them bend over and laugh, that’s bigger than anything else.” -Bernie Mac
68- “When it comes to raising children, I believe in give and take. I give orders and they take ’em.” -Bernie Mac
69- “I have so much respect for what’s funny.” -Bernie Mac
70- “I can’t build myself by beating somebody down.” -Bernie Mac
71- “My humor had changed from foolishness to making sense.” -Bernie Mac
72- “Whatever success I’ve had, I always like to top it.” -Bernie Mac
73- “My grandmother always told me how you start is how you finish.” -Bernie Mac
74- “I don’t care about how I look; I’m dedicated to the laughs. You know, I used to be a clown, so – my name was Smoothie the Clown. All the training I had, all my training is geared toward making people laugh, and I didn’t care about being cool.” -Bernie Mac
75- “My daughter was a beautiful child.” -Bernie Mac
76- “As I got older, I got into all kinds of things in the streets – but for some reason, I never got caught up with the gangs growing up. Everybody dug me, man. I never had problems.” -Bernie Mac
77- “I always wanted to scuba dive. I used to scuba dive undercover like black Aquaman.” -Bernie Mac
78- “Making people laugh is what I’ve been doing since I was like four or five years old. I still have a lust, I still have a passion. I don’t care about how I look, I’m dedicated to the laughs.” -Bernie Mac
79- “Why do people love Richard Pryor so much? ‘Cause he had problems.” -Bernie Mac
80- “America… Do not touch my TV, my DVD, my stereo, my dual-deck VCR. Do not touch my old school, my new school, my slow jams, my party jams, my happy rap, and you better not touch… My James Brown.” -Bernie Mac
81- “Shut up before I drop yo ass off at Koreatown. Now hold on, America, don’t start writing no letters. I’m just kidding. But am I lying?” -Bernie Mac
82- “I’m an entertainer and I really enjoy entertaining. I think if you’re going to really be what you say you are, you have to really live it, work it, practice it, and think it.” -Bernie Mac
83- “It’s a pleasure to work with someone who is just as strong as you are.” -Bernie Mac
84- “I hate to compare anything, especially while I’m promoting. I feel that’s another disrespect, but ‘Ocean’s 13’ is the best movie I’ve ever done in my life. No question.” -Bernie Mac
85- “The Bernie Mac Show’ is my life. It’s the truth, and I’m not ashamed of a minute, an hour, or a second of my life.” -Bernie Mac
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