1- “Cut to black. Audience goes fucking apeshit.” -Kenny Powers
2- “Whenever I look at a Mexican I will think of you. Whenever you look at that jackass you think of me, OK?” -Kenny Powers
3- “How does any genius figure out his inventions? I mean, how did Leonardo DiCaprio figure out about gravity? ‘Cause the bitch was sleepin’ underneath a tree and an apple hit him on his head.” -Kenny Powers
4- “Purity-it’s what we all desire, and it is what I’ve come here to share with you. Hence the all whites.” -Kenny Powers
5- “Sounds like Fifty Shades of Gross to me, motherfucker.” -Kenny Powers
6- “Truth be told, things aren’t going as good for me as I led on to believe. The love of my life married some other dude, and my new girlfriend fed her pussy to the owner of the baseball team I just quit. I stole homeboy’s car, and now I’m probably a wanted fugitive.” -Kenny Powers
7- “In most of nature, the alpha is the strongest of the pack. Creature of immense strength, large in size, a leader from birth, hippos, bumblebees, Wayans brothers – most of the time, they just look to the biggest amongst them.” -Kenny Powers
8- “I can’t believe I opened up my heart up to that bitch. Opened it wide up. And she just squatted with that big beautiful booty and dumped all over it.” -Kenny Powers
9- “That’s a toy that I made for [Toby]. It’s a fake T. rex with a dildo crammed up its asshole. It’s one of Toby’s favorites. When you turn it on… it moves. Dildo-saurus Rex, heh.” -Kenny Powers
10- “I paid cash for the motherfucker. Bought it with an advance that I was paid for this, uh… self help novel I’m about to have published onto the Oprah’s book clubs… Pretty much saved all my pennies from my major league days. Invested a lot of it very wisely in stocks, bonds, famous works of arts.” -Kenny Powers
11-“What is that smell? Oh, Jesus Christ. What did you eat? Diarrhea?” -Kenny Powers
12- “Why would you do this to me? Here this whole time I thought you were the whore with a heart of gold. Instead you’re just a whore with a real whore’s heart.” -Kenny Powers
13- “OK, Toby, here we go, bud. We’re going to put you on the big people’s furniture. Try not to shit all over it, OK?” -Kenny Powers
14- “Yeah, I’ve actually had multiple orgasms on jet skis. Maybe it’s something in our blood that we can just ya know, get hard from riding fuckin’ badass ya know, terrain vehicles… water crafts…” -Kenny Powers
15- “I got two hard rules I live by, Pop: I don’t fuck with the devil, and I never do tag-teams with blood relatives. Take it easy, old man.” -Kenny Powers
16- “Did this tale end the way I thought it would? Probably not. But as long as I win, who gives a shit?” -Kenny Powers
17- “I’m sober and ready to destroy the competitions.” -Kenny Powers
18- “Is that my thong? Oh, dude no way! You do not go in my drawers and take out a pair of my chones. That is a big no-no!” -Kenny Powers
19- “Sure, I’ve been called a xenophobe, but the truth is I’m not. I honestly just feel that America is the best country and all the other countries aren’t as good. That used to be called patriotism.” -Kenny Powers
20- “If I had to choose, I mean historically, I’ve always considered myself to be a tit man.” -Kenny Powers
21- “Does the Pope blow little kids?” -Kenny Powers
22- “If you’ve got something you want to say, then just say it. You can save us a lot of time with this fuckin’ pointless history lesson in this goddamn creepy, uninmpressive, fuckin’ hall. I don’t like it in here. It’s gross.” -Kenny Powers
23- “I play real sports. Not trying to be the best at exercising. Fuck this guy.” -Kenny Powers
24- “Once again I’m with the hottest chick in town, buyin’ the most expensive fashions, dinin’ in the fanciest food places, riding around on goddamn jet skis. Rainin’ trim. Hallucinogens. Jet skis again. Throwin’ heat. And getting laid.” -Kenny Powers
25- “See, in life, when you have talent all the other s**t doesn’t matter. If we were on an island with no weights and no running drills, who would be on top then? The guy with the talent.” -Kenny Powers
26- “Gross! You’re crop-dusting my whole entire bedroom with your pubes right now. Don’t be sorry, dude. Just cover up that marble sack.” -Kenny Powers
27- “Do I have all the attentions of everyone? Attentions please. For those of y’all who do not know who I am, my name is Kenny Powers. And as fucked-up and weird as it may seem, I used to be a teacher here. But now I return to you. A victor, a champion, a man who has defeated the face of Mexican baseball… not to… get back my old job… fuck that noise.” -Kenny Powers
28- “I’m wearing all black. Outlaws wear black. Fags and cocaine dealers wear white.” -Kenny Powers
29- “Well, I wouldn’t want to ruin a sale, huh? Guess you guys got to make those commissions to be able to buy all the goddamn…the FUBU, and the Oshkosh B’gosh, and the shit the baby’s gonna be wearing. Hey, potential home buyers. Hope ya’ll know there were a lotta rapes that happened in this house.” -Kenny Powers
30- “There’s gonna be an ass-ton of crabs, lobsters, wine, Bartles & Jaymes, corn on the cob, fuckin’ booger sugar.” -Kenny Powers
31- “I learned a lot down in Mexico. I learned that sometimes to be the man, you gotta beat the man. I learned the grass is not always greener. I learned that adversity’s sweet milk. That’s philosophy, April.” -Kenny Powers
32- “It’s no mystery that ass has always been tits’ greatest enemy. It’s almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass.” -Kenny Powers
33- “Can’t help but notice how much they stick together, too. I mean, when you see Mexicans in the States you think, ‘oh, there’s a group of Mexicans, doin’ Mexican things together’, but here you see that it’s not just because they talk the same language, and are all Catholic. Family means a lot to these people. Relationships, husbands, wives, parents, all that shit.” -Kenny Powers
34- “It’s like goddamn Cocktoberfest in here. I’m excited too, but let’s not touch dicks, alright.” -Kenny Powers
35- “But to capture the heart of one of your teachers, and take her away from you forever. So at this time I would like the beautiful, the forgiving, the talented, big-chested art teacher, to please step forward.” -Kenny Powers
36- “I brought you guys up from less than fuckin’ nothin’, and took you up to a championship level, only to abandon you there… leave you high and dry, naked and nude, prey, easy targets for the competitions, to rape and buttfuck you. I’m sorry for that.” -Kenny Powers
37- “Chapter One, continued. More of what I was just saying…Never in a million years would I imagine myself being in Mexico. After all, who would? Most Mexicans spend the bulk of their day just trying to get out, so you can hardly blame foreigners like myself for not thinkin’ about gettin’ in.” -Kenny Powers
38- “A goddamn Mexican standoff in fuckin’ Mexico. I was hoping to get into one of these before I left.” -Kenny Powers
39- “Oddly enough, the people here aren’t that different from the ones back home, when you get past the lack of interest in real sports, and the need to have yellow rice at every fuckin’ meal.” -Kenny Powers
40- “Too hot for hugs here, man. I’ve been battlin’ a war with swamp ass since I got down here.” -Kenny Powers
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