30 Rock Tv Show Quotes
Liz Lemon : “BLAMMO! Another successful interaction with a man.”
Liz Lemon : “God, are you doing this to me ’cause I took that blind guy’s hot dog?”
Jack Donaghy: “Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them to survive. Haven’t you ever read my throw pillow?”
Tracy Jordan: “We didn’t land on Plymouth Rock! Plymouth Rock landed on Mars!”
Jack Donaghy: “We all have ways of coping. I use sex and awesomeness.”
Liz Lemon : “WHERE’S MY MAC AND CHEESE?”
Jack Donaghy: “I assumed it was the bottle of wine with the card reading ‘Dear Doritos, what about just selling bags full of your dust? I could put it on chicken or fish…'”
Tracy Jordan: “I promise. I swear on my mother’s grape.”
Jack Donaghy: “Do you know what a prize I am in the gay community? There’s a term for it: I’m a bear and I’m a daddy. I’m a daddy bear.”
Liz Lemon : “I also have a lot of imaginary arguments with couples on House Hunters: Why can’t people look past paint color?”
Jenna Maroney: “You know what they say boys. If you can’t stand the heat, get off of Mickey Rourke’s sex grill.”
Liz Lemon : “Why are my arms so weak? It’s like I did that pushup last year for nothing!”
Kenneth Parcell: “What would this country be if our economy didn’t allow wealthy people to take advantage of rubes?”
Liz Lemon: “Hey everybody, look! Sherlock Homo is here to solve the case of the gay sweater!”
Jack Donaghy: “Oh Lemon, please. Money can’t buy happiness. Money IS happiness.”
Liz Lemon : “It’s a Liz-aster!”
Liz Lemon : “If you’re ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I’d prefer a meat one.”
Tracy Jordan: “This is untoward! This is NOT TOWARD!”
Tracy Jordan: “I watched Boston Legal 9 times before I realized it wasn’t a new Star Trek.”
Jenna Maroney: “There’s no ‘I’ or ‘me’ in ‘America.’”
Liz Lemon : “One of my New Year’s resolutions is to say ‘yes.’ Yes to love, yes to life, yes to staying in more.”
Tracy Jordan: “I’m gonna say to you what I say to all my sharks right before they die: Let’s go outside.”
Liz Lemon : “I don’t care! I’ll start my own group! Rejection from society is what created the X-Men!”
Jack: “Every time I meet a new person, I figure out how I’m gonna fight ’em.”
Josh Girard: “I’m Jack Donaghy. I’m important, I just bought the moon.”
Liz Lemon : “My heart’s pounding like I’m watching Oprah’s farewell season.”
Jenna Maroney: “Relationships are like sharks, Liz: if you’re not left with several bite marks after intercourse, then something’s wrong.”
Jack: “Dating is like your haircut. Sometimes awkward triangles occur.”
Liz Lemon : “Everyone I ever dated in high school turned out to be either gay or a girl dressed as a guy to get a journalism scholarship.”
Tracy Jordan: “I am a Jedi! I am a Jedi! I am a Jedi!”
Liz Lemon : “Fine, I’ll be okay. I got other ideas, like a microbrewery that also serves frozen yogurt. I’mma call it… Microsoft.”
Liz Lemon : “You didn’t realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?”
Liz Lemon : “If I could press a button and five people in the world would die, but I’d get free cable for life, I’d do it.”
Kenneth Parcell: “There are only two things I love in this world: everybody and television.”
Liz Lemon : “Do you need sex advice? Here’s a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on.”
Jack: “I don’t sleep on planes. I don’t want to get incepted.”
Jack: “I once claimed ‘I am God’ during a deposition.”
Liz Lemon : “I am the Menta-Liz!”
Tracy : “You’re wise, Liz Lemon. Like a genetically-manipulated shark.”
Liz Lemon : “There ain’t no party like a Liz Lemon party ’cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory!”
Tracy : “I don’t need a birthday. ’Cause I buy myself all the presents I need….And because of my drinking, they’re often a surprise.”
Dr. Spaceman : “Absolutely! Science is whatever we want it to be.”
Liz Lemon : “Give me strength, O Oprah.”
Jack: “Rich 50 is middle-class 38.”
Jack: “Go to Disneyland? Lemon, I’ve held Walt Disney’s frozen head in my hands.”
Liz Lemon : “You wanna party? It’s $500 for kissing, $10000 for snuggling. End of list.”
Liz Lemon : “Lovers… Oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza.”
Dennis: “Hi. Dennis Duffy, Beeper King.”
Jack: “You know what family means to me, Lemon? Resentment. Guilt. Anger. Easter egg hunts that turn into knife fights.”
Liz Lemon : “I wolfed my Teamster sub for you!”
Dennis: “The beeper’s gonna be making a comeback. Technology’s cyclical.”
Jack Donaghy: “Lemon, what happened in your childhood to make you believe that people are good?”
Liz Lemon : “Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.”
Dennis: “Dear Liz Lemon, while other women have bigger boobs than you, no woman has as big a heart.”
Jack: “Come on, Lemon. What do we elites do when we screw up? We pretend it never happened and give ourselves a giant bonus.”
Jack: “Lemon, women your age are more likely to get mauled at the zoo than get married.”
Liz Lemon : “If reality TV has taught us anything, it’s that you can’t keep people with no shame down.”
Kenneth : “Deer God, thank you for this venison. Onion God, thank you for these onions. Carrot God, thank you for the carrots…”
Jack: “God, are you punishing me because my hair is better than yours?”
Kenneth : “I don’t drink hot liquids of any kind. That’s the Devil’s temperature.”
Jack: “I didn’t get a bathroom door that looks like a wall by not being good at business.”
Floyd: “If the whole world moved to their favorite vacation spots, then the whole world would live in Hawaii and Italy and Cleveland.”
Liz Lemon : “You can’t solve all your problems by shooting someone or setting a stranger on fire.”
Tracy: “Television on! Pornography!”
Tracy: “I believe that the moon does not exist. I believe that vampires are the world’s greatest golfers but their curse is they never get a chance to prove it. I believe that there are 31 letters in the white alphabet. Wait… what was the question?”
Jack: “There are no bad ideas, Lemon. Just good ideas that go horribly bad.”
Jack: “You are a puzzle, Kenneth Ellen, and I’m going to solve you. Yes I am.”
Tracy: “Liz Lemon, I may hug people too hard and get lost at malls, but I’m not an idiot.”
Liz Lemon : “Long distance is wrong distance.”
Jack: “I have a betting system based on horse penis size.”
Jenna: “Oh, don’t look at me like I’m a football game”
Tracy: “Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.”
Jack: “I did Big Sister in college. That little girl taught me how to use tampons.”
Kenneth: “I feel about as useless as a mom’s college degree.”
Liz Lemon : “It’s stuff like this that makes me eat stuff like this.”
Jack: “I like when a woman has ambition. It’s like seeing a dog wearing clothes”
Tracy: “Honey, I’m home! Pac-Man, I’m Jewish!”
Jenna: “Guardwell. Guard your well. Well.”
Jack: “Boston is the greatest city in the world. Boston Tea Party, Boston Cream Pie, Boston Rob Mariano.”
Liz Lemon : “Different times! Octomom!”
Jack: “Factories provide three things this country desperately needs: jobs, pride, and material for Bruce Springsteen songs”
Liz: “I really don’t think it’s fair for me to be on a jury since I’m a hologram.”
Colleen: “Two women. At the same time. What are you, Italian?”
Liz Lemon : “Sometimes the right thing and the hard thing are the same thing. I read that on a tea bag.”
Kenneth : “I can talk to animals. Well not talk to ’em. I can take commands from them.”
Jenna: “I love you, myself.”
Liz Lemon : “Hey, nerds! Who’s got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn’t cried once today? This moi.”
Liz Lemon : “Ugh, I hate January. It’s dark and freezing and everyone’s wearing bulky coats, so you can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.”
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