married with children al bundy quotes
1- “The opera isn’t over until the last heterosexual falls asleep.”
2- “I’ve had a rotten day, and I’m in a foul mood. A fat woman came into the shoe store today and said that she was a size five. I shoved her hoof into a shoe, my thumb got stuck in the back of the shoe. She panicked, reared up, and galloped around the store, dragging me on the floor behind her. Thank God a stick of butter popped out of her purse, so I was able to grease my way out of there.”
3- “I’m so hungry I could eat a vegetable!”
4- “Peg, I’m not a cartoon; I’m almost a human being, dammit!”
5- “The last thing a guy wants to look at at the end of the day is a woman.”
6- “My toilet’s not a man! My Ferguson has become…Fergie!”
7- “Why doesn’t the world die?!”
8- “I hate my life. Can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t bury the wife in the backyard.”
9- “I wonder what the poor people are doing…”
10- ” I’m a shoe man, born and bred, dammit.”
11- ” Marriage stinks, have a kid. Kid stinks, have another kid.”
12- ” This woman came in and she was so fat she actually had 3 smaller women orbiting around her.”
13- “It’s only a game if you win but if you lose it’s a stinking waste of time.”
14- “Insurance is like marriage. You pay and pay, and never get anything back! Besides, the car isn’t worth more than 100 bucks with both kids in it.”
15- “Feed me, or feed me to something. I just want to be part of the food chain.”
16- “Your mom’s the one who makes the pies for everyone in the neighborhood except those nice Bundys. Okay, Santa will leave you a pony under your tree. But if it isn’t there in the morning, that means your mommy chased it away and killed it.”
17- “Peg, I suspect your mind, much like the lost continent of Atlantis, no longer appears on any map.”
18- “Sure, before you marry them, all women say they like football. But as soon as you say ‘I do,’ they put on about 40 pounds. And the only ‘hike’ you see is them hiking up their pants before they weld their butts to the sofa for the rest of their worthless lives! As for me…I work for a living!”
19- “I hate life, life hates me.”
20- ” I, too, am a great believer in love. I want to find it myself some day. Let me give you a little bit of advice. Bed ’em, don’t wed ’em. Do ’em, don’t woo ’em. Date ’em, don’t mate ’em.”
21- ” Peg, if you want this house to look better, dust. If you want it to smell better, cook. If you want it to be happy, leave.”
22- “I blame TV.”
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