Raj: “How can I be a gynocologist? I can barely look a woman in the eye!”
Penny : “Every family in America has a relative holed up in a garage somewhere huffing paint thinner”
Sheldon : “A fear of heights is illogical. A fear of falling, on the other hand, is prudent and evolutionary”
Sheldon Cooper : “All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy.”
Kripke : “We’re all pathetic and creepy and can’t get girls, that’s why we fight robots”
Sheldon : “Howard. You do not have a PhD. Your cologne is an assault on the senses, and you’re not available for video games during the Jewish high holidays”
Sheldon : “Everybody has a date. Even you Mario, going after Princess Peach. What am I doing? I’m just enabling you.”
Sheldon : “I believe the appropriate metaphor here involves a river of excrement and a Native American water vessel without any means of propulsion”
Sheldon : “It’s very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and, as it always has, rock crushes scissors”
Amy: “Usually when someone’s being talked about behind their back, it’s me and it’s right in front of my face.”
Sheldon Cooper : “You know, I’ve given the matter some thought, and I think I’d be willing to be a house pet to a race of super-intelligent aliens.”
Penny : “I’m from Nebraska. When we shoot things, it’s because we want to eat em’ or make them leave our boyfriends alone”
Raj: “If you really want to clean up your Karma, go get my fricking latte”
Raj: “But if we were part of the team that confirmed string theory, we could drink for free in any bar in any college town with a university that has a strong science program!”
Sheldon : “Apparently you can’t hack into a government supercomputer and then try to buy uranium without the Department of Homeland Security tattling to your mother.”
Sheldon : “Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that”
Raj: “Leonard just realized that Penny’s been hiding him from her friends because he’s a tiny little man who flies kites”
Sheldon : “If you’re interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn’t chicken as if it were chicken”
Amy: “The only person who signed my yearbook was my mother. ‘Dear Amy, self respect and a hymen are far better than friends and fun. Love, Mom.’”
Raj: “Sheldon, you remind me of a young Lex Luthor.”
Sheldon Cooper : “If outside is so good, why has mankind spent thousands of years trying to perfect inside?”
Sheldon Cooper : “I’m not crazy; my mother had me tested.”
Sheldon : “I do not have to urinate. I am a master of my own bladder. Drat.”
Sheldon : “The correct animal for inter-species super soldier is the koala. You would wind up with an army so cute, it couldn’t be attacked.”
Sheldon : “I don’t trust banks. I believe that when the robots rise up, ATM’s will lead the charge.”
Sheldon : “A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a drink?” The bartender says, “For you? No charge.””
Raj: “Does the elastic woman in “The Incredibles” use birth control or can she actually be a diaphragm.”
Penny : “I just run till I’m hungry, and then I stop for a bear claw.”
Raj: “Leonard’s going all alpha-nerd on Sheldon’s ass!”
Howard Wolowitz: “I’m a horny engineer, Leonard. I never joke about math or sex.”
Bernadette : “Come on, do you want to sit here being a loser, or do you want to watch me climb into an Australian man’s G-string like a baby kangaroo.”
Sheldon : “Remember people we’re only as strong as our weakest bladder.”
Bernadette : “I’m the kind of girl who can get all the giant missiles she wants.”
Sheldon : “I was expecting applause but I suppose stunned silence is equally appropriate.”
Raj: “Cute is for puppies. I want to be something sexy, like a labradoodle.”
Howard : “Let’s go smooch some rich, wrinkled toucas.”
Penny : “Good morning, slut.”
Sheldon : “Oh gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.”
Howard : “That crazy bastard is looking at quirky in the rear view mirror.”
Wolowitz : “Believe in magic, you Muggle!”
Bernadette : “Some women don’t like to get chummy when their panties are down.”
Howard : “Look what you created here its like Nerdvana”
Raj: “Nothing rhymes with orange. It’s probably lonely.”
Bernadette : “I can’t do this anymore. I’m a good girl! I went to Catholic School!”
Howard : “Love is not a sprint, it’s a marathon, a relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms- or hits you with the pepper spray.”
Leonard : “Open the landing bay doors, shuttle craft approaching.”
Raj: “You can’t ruin a friendship with sex that’s like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.”
Howard : “You got her to have sex with you . Obviously your superpower is Brainwashing”
Sheldon : “I miss the old days when your romantic partners could be returned to the video store.”
Penny : “No shirt, no shoes, no Sheldon.”
Sheldon : “Leonard, I platonically love you man, but face it, you’re a mess.”
Amy : “Her heart’s full of love, no one cares what’s in her mouth.”
Sheldon Cooper : “To paraphrase T.S. Elliot, this is how the world ends, not with a bang but with a nephew.”
Sheldon Cooper : “Well, you should. 50% of marriages end in divorce, but 100% of make-your-own-sundae bars end in happiness”
Raj: “Ain’t no party like a Koothra-party.”
Raj: “If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed, and I would be their king.””
Howard : “There’s the problem. You can’t beat Hawking like that. He hates to lose. Everyone knows the guy’s a big baby. I mean, forget the wheelchair, he should be in a stroller.”
Sheldon : “Revenge is a dish best served nude.”
Sheldon : “Welcome to the Thunderdome, Kripke.”
Leonard : “12 years after high school and I’m still at the nerd table.”
Leonard : “Oh, spoiler alert. This door’s about to slam in your face.”
Leonard : “It upsets Sheldon when you play with the Sheldon.”
Bernadette : “Sorry doesn’t clean my underpants, buddy.”
Raj: “My heart is stone. From now on, I’m a monk. I renounce all worldly pleasures. Except for Lobster. And, garlic butter.”
Sheldon : “My shirt is itchy and I wish I were dead.”
Amy : “If you’d let me pierce your brain with a hot needle in the right place you’d be happy all the time.”
Amy : “Excuse me, but I’m a neurobiologist. I think I’m a little more qualified to understand what’s not working in your girlfriend’s brain!”
Howard : “And, space beats water.”
Sheldon : “I’m exceedingly smart. I graduated college at fourteen. While my brother was getting an STD, I was getting a Ph.D. Penicillin can’t take this away.”
Penny : “That’s right. My phone is just as smart as you guys.”
Howard : “Whaddup Science Bitches”
Penny : “I’m not going to the mall with someone dressed like a dumb space bear.”
Sheldon : “I feel like my mind just made a baby. And, it’s beautiful. It’s not like human babies which are loud and covered in goop.”
Howard : “Look who’s here to put the Jew in jewelry night.”
Leonard : “Your element does not exist!”
Raj: “I haven’t cried this hard since Toy Story 3.”
Sheldon Cooper : “I love my mother. Even if she fornicates like a demonic weasel.”
Sheldon Cooper : “Professor Proton is dead?”
Sheldon Cooper : “I’ve already had to say goodbye to 11 Doctor Whos.”
Penny : “You know, maybe if fashion magazines had female scientists in them, I would’ve become a theoretical physicist. Stop smirking at each other.”
Penny : “I love him, but if he’s broken, let’s not get a new one.”
Sheldon : “Some important new information has come to light. Women are the worst. I thought it was paper cuts, but I was wrong. No piece of paper ever cut me this deep.”
Leonard : “I’ve loved you since the moment we met, and I’ll love you until the end of time.”
Sheldon : “This is a documentary about Mr. Spock. I’m sure if there is nudity it will be tasteful.”
Leonard : “We’re here to see Koothrappali, not kill Batman.”
Sheldon : “How on earth can you say “dirty sock” and “relax” in the same sentence?
Howard : “Just because you have that accent doesn’t mean what you say isn’t stupid.”
Sheldon : “I hope laughter is the best medicine because this care package is a joke.”
Sheldon : “I just gave you my virginity, woman. Cool your jets!”
Sheldon : “You know the golden rule of line etiquette. No cuts, no butts, no coconuts.”
Howard Wolowitz : “I am a horny engineer; I never joke about math or sex.”
Raj : “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but sticks on chairs are comfy”
Sheldon : “Mother, she’s an atheist, not a vampire.”
Bernadette : “What kind of lunatic goes to McDonald’s and gets fruit?”
Leonard : “We live with Sheldon, so the word inconvenience has really lost all meaning.”
Sheldon Cooper : “No matter where I am, this will always be my spot.”
Sheldon Cooper : “If rock is so great, how come paper beats it?”
Amy : “I thought I’d let Harry Potter… make things hotter.”
Bernadette : “If you don’t know how to make lasagna, Google does”