South Park Tv Series Quotes
Cartmen : “I’m Scott Malkinson, I have diabetes”
Mr. Garrison : “I don’t trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die “
Cartman: “This is a bunch of crap. I’ve been licking this carpet for three hours and I still don’t feel like a lesbian”
Cartman: “Well, you know, you’ll just be sitting there, minding / your own business, and they’ll come, marching in and crawl up your leg and start biting the inside of your ass, and you’ll be all like, “Hey, get out of my ass you stupid rainbows!””
Cartman: “Oh yeah? I run with 12 gangs, and we only commit hate crimes. Whatevah–I do what I want!”
Eric Cartman : “You so much as touch kitty’s ass, and I’ll put a firecracker in your nut sack and blow your balls all over your pants.”
Cartman: “Their feelings only matter for 6 months!”
Chef : “I want to stick my balls inside your rectum, Kyle. I’m gonna make love to your asshole, children. Kenny, how would you like to sodomize my black ass? -“
Cartman : “I see fried chicken…it’s tender and it’s fresh.”
Cartman : “I’m not just sure, I’m HIV positive”
Chef : “There’s a time and a place for everything and it’s called college.”
Eric Cartman : “Shhhh Stan! Not in front of the J-O-O! “
Cartman : “screw you guys, im going home”
Mr. Garrison : “I’m not a monkey, I’m a woman! “
“Don’t forget to bring a towel.”-Towlie “Screw you guys; I’m going home.”-Cartman “I’m out.”-Token My favorite scene is a toss up between Cartman saying “Suck my Balls” to Mr. Garrison in the movie and the first episode where Cartman starts singing because the aliens make him. Good times.
Chef: “James Taylor, what the hell are you doing singing about prostitutes to these children? Get outta here!”
Eric Cartman: “You can just hang around outside in the sun all day, tossing a ball around, or you can sit at your computer and do something that matters!”
Eric Cartman: “I, like everyone with breast cancer, have something I want to get off my chest”
Cartman : “You’re a ball licking lesbian”
Cartman– “It’s a man’s obligation to stick his boneration in a women’s separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.”
Cartman: “I had the same thing with my mom the other day. I’m all like, ‘Ey! I am not a little kid anymore! Ma, I’m eight years old! And if I wanna fingerpaint, then I’m gona fingerpaint!'”
Mr. Garrison : “I’m sorry Wendy. I just don’t trust something that bleeds for seven days and doesn’t die.”
Marklar : “Young Marklar, your Marklars are wise and true.”
Cartman: “I made you eat your parents, na na na na na naa”
Cartman : “You know mom, the least you could do is kiss me first because I like to get kissed before I get FUCKED.”
Cartman: “I’m Scott Malkinson and I have diabetes”
Cartman: “MOM! The kitty is being a dildo!” Cartman’s Mom: “Looks like someone is sleeping with mommy tonight!”
Mr. Garrison: Now does anyone know what sexual harassment means? Mr. Garrison: Yes, Eric? Eric Cartman: When you’re trying to have intercourse with a lady friend, and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind.
Cartman : “Miss Chokesondick more like Miss Makesmesick!”
Cartman:” I do not believe enough is being done. And, like the victims of breast cancer, I would like to get something off my chest.”
Scott Tenorman : “You glued my pubes onto your face.”
Cartman : “Perhaps you guys are forgetting that one of us is a jay-oh-oh”
Butters: “Yeah. If anything you should wash you hands before you touch your wiener.”
Butters : “I don’t wanna do it if it hurts or it makes you get all sticky.”
Space Alien: “Moo. Moo Moo.”
randy marsh : “You don’t call your friend a silly goose. You call him an asshole like everyone else.”
Reporter: “I am here in South Park Colorado because Tom cruise will not come out of the closet.”
Randy: “Beating off the dog is not appropriate when we have company. [Sharon looks at him] Uh, I mean ever. Beating off the dog is not appropriate ever”
Mr Garrison : “I’m Sorry Wendy, but I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.”
Stan: “No, no mom. Left turn. Left turn!”
Mr. Garrison “That’s why I just get my poontang and leave.”
Mr. Garrison :”I dont trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die.”
Wendy : “be careful or you’ll trip and we’ll all be sucked into your huge, gaping vagina like ants in a vacuum cleaner.”
Cartman : “Goddammit Butters! You don’t shoot a guy in the dick!”
Randy Marsh : “Go upstairs and play with yourself Stanley”
MR. GARRISON: Tolerant, but not stupid! Look, just because you have to tolerate something doesn’t mean you have to approve of it! If you had to like it, it’d be called the Museum of Acceptance! “Tolerate” means you’re just putting up with it! You tolerate a crying child sitting next to you on the airplane or, or you tolerate a bad cold. It can still piss you off! Jesus Tapdancing Christ!
Mr. Garrison: “Now Ghengis Khan was a mongol. Not to be confused with mongoloid, like the actor, Nicolas Cage.”
Butters : “Hey there goodlookin’, would you like to slap my titties around? No mam.”
Mr. Garrison : “There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.”
Mr Nelson : Words are like bullets I let them pass right through me”
Butters: “Well yeah, and I’m sad, but at the same time I’m really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It’s like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt somethin’ really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good, so I guess what I’m feelin’ is like a, beautiful sadness.”
Eric Cartman : “Life is short butters, & thats why you have to do whatever you want all the time.”
Eric Cartman : “I don’t make the rules Kyle, I simply think them up and write them down.”
Reporter: “As you can see behind me Tom, the beaver dam above Beaverton has broken and the entire town is now completely underwater. Casualties are expected to reach into the hundreds of millions; Beaverton only maintains a population of a few thousand, so as you can imagine this is quite devastating.”
Butters : “Kyle, every boy pays for kisses. Do you know what I am saying? If you’ve got a girl, and she kisses you, sooner or later you’re paying for it. You’ve gotta take her out to lunch, take her to a movie, and then spend time listenin’ to all her stupid problems. Look, look at Stan right there. [Kyle turns to see Stan, who’s listening to Wendy over at the merry-go-round] Why he’s gotta sit there and listen to her stupid motherfuckin’ problems ‘cause she kisses him. If you ask me, that’s a lot more than the five dollars my company charges.”
“Sex is when you slap her titties around some, then you stick it inside her and pee… well, unless you don’t want her to get pregnant; then you pull it out and pee on her leg.”
Randy Marsh : “Your mother was worried sick and I was here drinking beer. “
Randy Marsh: [On craft beer] ““I’m not chugging beer! I’m sampling a flight of gluten-free German lagers with a French wine pairing! It’s called a smorgaswein and it’s elegantly cultural!”
Kyle: “All animals kill, and the animals that don’t kill are stupid ones like cows and turtles and stuff.”
Cartman: “I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about ‘protectin’ the Earth’ and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets – I hate ’em! I wanna kick ’em in the nuts!”
Scientist: “Global Warming is going to strike… two days before the day after tomorrow.”
Cartman: “Stan, don’t you know the first law of physics? Anything that’s fun costs at least eight dollars.”
Mr. Slave: “If you don’t teach your children that Paris Hilton should be despised, how will they know?”
Uncle Jimbo: “Hell, everything’s legal in Mexico. It’s the American way.”
Stan: “You know, I think that if parents would spend less time worrying about what their kids watch on TV and more time worrying about what’s going on in their kids’ lives, this world would be a much better place.”
Randy Marsh: [On safety in the NFL] ““The players should all wear bras! And instead of helmets, they should wear little tinfoil hats, ‘cause, you know, it’s the future and we shouldn’t be so barbaric!”
Mr Mackey: “Okay, smoking is bad; you shouldn’t smoke. And alcohol is bad; you shouldn’t drink alcohol. And as for drugs, well, drugs are bad; you shouldn’t do drugs. That about wraps it up.”
Cartman: “I’m not fat, I’m festively plump.”
Cartman: “I want to get down on my knees and start praising Jesus. I want to feel his salvation all over my face.”
Butters: “You’re all fake and stuck up, and none of you have the courage to tell Jimmy his jokes aren’t funny! The only kid here with a sense of dignity is Kenny, and the rest of you have heads up your butts!”
Chef: “You know what they say: You can’t teach a gay dog straight tricks”.
Eric Cartman: “It’s Stan’s stupid Captain America costume, that’s what throwing everybody off! How’s people supposed to get that I’m the Hulk when Captain America is on freaking FaceTime?”
Stan: “There have been malicious rumors started at this elementary school that my beautiful fiancée is a Hobbit. That is not funny and it is not true. Yes, she is heavier than most of her pictures show her to be. Yes, she gets her hair lasered off her body and yes, she has a friend named Gandalf, who happens to be a wizard.”
Satan: “Without evil there could be no good, so it must be good to be evil sometimes.”
Eric Cartman: “I’ve lost almost 10 pounds now. You see what I mean? I totally know what it’s like to be a Jew in the Holocaust now.”
Sportscaster Frank: “I haven’t seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant!”
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