1- Phoebe Waller : “Sometimes I wish I didn’t even know that fuc*ing existed”
2- Phoebe Waller : “Either she’s got her period, or some serious shit has gone down”
3- Phoebe Waller : [When the doctor questions her about her family history] “Evil boobs everywhere”
4- Phoebe Waller : “I don’t have rye bread, but I have some normal bread you can puke up later?”
5- Phoebe Waller : “My bottom dropped ages ago. My farts used to be like “pah!”. Now they’re just sort of fighting their way out.”
6- Phoebe Waller : “She is not an evil stepmother, she’s just a CUNT!”
7- Phoebe Waller : “I have a horrible feeling I am a greedy, perverted, selfish, apathetic, cynical, depraved, morally bankrupt woman who can’t even call herself a feminist.”
8- Phoebe Waller : [To her ex] “Do you still wank about me?”
9- Phoebe Waller : “Either everyone feels like this a little bit and they’re just not talking about it or I am completely fucking alone.”
10- Phoebe Waller : I have a horrible feeling that I’m a greedy, perverted, selfish, apathetic, cynical, depraved, morally bankrupt woman who can’t even call herself a feminist
11- Phoebe Waller: “If you rid a women of her head and limbs you can’t really expect her to do anything other than roll around”
12- Phoebe Waller : “My sister. She’s uptight and beautiful and probably anorexic, but clothes look awesome on her so…”
13- Phoebe Waller : [On yesterday’s current affairs] “Sting wore white jeans and a puppy got stuck in a fan. Big day.”
14- Phoebe Waller : “Dad’s way of coping with two motherless daughters was to buy us tickets to feminist lectures, start fuc*ing our Godmother and eventually stop calling.”
15- Phoebe Waller: “He’s one of those men who is explosively sexually inappropriate with everyone but who makes you feel bad if you take offence”
16- Phoebe Waller : “I had to do a flash poo in Pret.”