Rory Gilmore : “A little nervous breakdown can work wonders for a girl.”
Luke Danes : “I’m fine. I’m great. It’s a big, fat, happy, sunshine day for me.”
Jess Mariano : “I wanna be good, life’s just not letting me.”
Christopher: “This town is like one big outpatient mental institution.”
Lorelai Gilmore : “Because my brain is a wild jungle of scary gibberish… Bicycle. Unicycle. Unitard. Hockey puck. Rattlesnake. Monkey, monkey, underpants.”
Paris: “No men. Just lots and lots of Chinese food.”
Richard Gilmore : “What She Tackles,She Conquers”
Richard Gilmore : “Cranking Metallica. Is that some sort of drug reference, it’s not funny.”
Rory Gilmore :“Every relationship is just a big honking leap of faith.”
Rory Gilmore : “I live in two worlds, one is a world of books.”
Lorelai Gilmore : “I’m afraid once your heart is involved, it all comes out in moron.”
Lorelai Gilmore : “It was a great kiss. If one of us had been a frog, it would have had some seriously impressive consequences.”
Lorelai Gilmore : “If it was physically possible to make love to a hot beverage, this would be the one.”
Lorelai Gilmore : “Reality has no place in our world!”
Lorelai Gilmore : “It’s all any of us wants, to find a nice person to hang out with ‘til we drop dead.”
Richard Gilmore : “Oh, people die, we pay. People crash a car, we pay. People lose a foot, we pay.”
Lorelai Gilmore : “Life’s short. Talk fast.”
Emily : “But marriage is not about always being happy. It’s about compromise.”
Emily : “Well, if you expect that muffin to fly back to the kitchen by itself you better go get it a cape.”
Lorelai Gilmore : “And if eating cake is wrong, I don’t want to be right.”
Lane Kim : “It’s people like you who are destroying the music industry”
Emily Gilmore : “I’m so exhausted with incompetent people. I don’t know what to do anymore.”
Rory: “I love you, you idiot.”
Lorelai Gilmore: “Everything’s magical when it snows, everything looks pretty.”
Lorelai Gilmore : “As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I can totally be flexible.”
Lorelai Gilmore : “Relationships need verbs.”
Michelle : “People are particularly stupid today, I can’t talk to any more of them.”
Lorelai Gilmore : “Nothing says coffee like six in the morning!”
Lorelai Gilmore : “Oh, I can’t stop drinking the coffee. I stop drinking the coffee, and I stop doing the standing, walking, and words putting into sentence doing.”
Paris: “No, it’s National Baptism Day. Tie your tubes, idiot!”
Michael Gerard : “People are particularly stupid today. I can’t talk to any more of them.”
Babette : “Gnome kicking says a lot about a man’s character.”
Lorelai Gilmore : “I’m fine. I’m just being dramatic. It’s what I do.”
Logan Huntzberger : “People can live a hundred years without really living for a minute.”
Lorelai Gilmore : “As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I can be totally flexible”
Luke : “God, that’s terrible. It’s like drinking a My Little Pony.”
“We’re almost there and nowhere near it. All that matters is we’re going.”
Lorelai Gilmore : “Coffee, please, and a shot of cynicism.”
Lorelai Gilmore : “I’m attracted to pie. It doesn’t mean I feel the need to date pie.”
Lorelai Gilmore : “I hate when I’m an idiot and don’t know it. I like being aware of my idiocy.”
Kirk : “I just want a little more coffee.”
Taylor Doose : “Breathe in, folks. Smells like fall.”
Lorelai Gilmore : “If you’re going to throw your life away he better have a motorcycle!!”
Paris Geller : “No man is an island but this woman is.”
Rory Gilmore : “I just take a book with me everywhere. It’s a habit”
“If you’re going to throw your life away he better have a motorcycle!!” -Lorelai Gilmore
“I hate when I’m an idiot and don’t know it. I like being aware of my idiocy.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“I’m attracted to pie. It doesn’t mean I feel the need to date pie.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“It’s all any of us wants, to find a nice person to hang out with ’til we drop dead. Not a lot to ask.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“I need coffee in an IV.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“Coffee, please, and a shot of cynicism.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“I don’t like Mondays but unfortunately, they always come around eventually.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I can be totally flexible” – Lorelai Gilmore
“I’m fine. I’m just being dramatic. It’s what I do.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“Everything in my life has something to do with coffee. I believe in a former life, I was coffee.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“If it was physically possible to make love to a hot beverage, this would be the one.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“I don’t like problems. I avoid them when I can and I don’t like people pointing them out to me.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“Oh, I can’t stop drinking the coffee. I stop drinking the coffee, and I stop doing the standing, walking, and words putting into sentence doing.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“Nothing says coffee like six in the morning!” – Lorelai Gilmore
“This is America, where we unapologetically bastardize other countries’ cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“Cheeseburger, onion rings, and a list of people who killed their parents and got away with it. I’m looking for heroes.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“Relationships need verbs.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“There’s plenty to do tonight that we can be mortified about tomorrow.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I can totally be flexible.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“Everything’s magical when it snows, everything looks pretty.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“And if eating cake is wrong, I don’t want to be right.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“Life’s short. Talk fast.”– Lorelai Gilmore
“I’m not broken. Maybe just a little chipped.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“It’s all any of us wants, to find a nice person to hang out with ‘til we drop dead.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“Reality has no place in our world!” – Lorelai Gilmore
“You know my babbling capabilities are infinite.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“If it was physically possible to make love to a hot beverage, this would be the one.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“It was a great kiss. If one of us had been a frog, it would have had some seriously impressive consequences.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“I’m afraid once your heart is involved, it all comes out in moron.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“Because my brain is a wild jungle of scary gibberish… Bicycle. Unicycle. Unitard. Hockey puck. Rattlesnake. Monkey, monkey, underpants.” – Lorelai Gilmore
“Look, I want to tell you something because you’re very dear to me. And I hope you understand that it comes from the bottom of my damaged, damaged heart. You are the finest piece of ass I’ve ever had and I don’t care who knows it. I am so glad that I got to roam those hillsides.” – Roger Sterling
“Well, you know what they say about Detroit. It’s all fun and games till they shoot you in the face.” – Roger Sterling
“If you can make it through a day like today, marriage is a cake walk” – Roger Sterling
“Remember, Don…when God closes a door, he opens a dress.” – Roger Sterling
“We’re getting computer. It’s gonna do lots of magical things, like make Harry Crane seem important.”
“You know what my father used to say? ‘Being with a client is like being in a marriage. Sometimes you get into it for the wrong reasons, and eventually they hit you in the face.’” – Roger Sterling
“A wooden leg…They’re so cheap they can’t even afford a whole reporter.” – Roger Sterling
“I told him to be himself. That was pretty mean, I guess.”
“They make wine for Jews. And now they’re making one they want to sell to normal people.” – Roger Sterling
“Psychiatry is just this year’s candy pink stove” – Roger Sterling
“Nobody knows what I’m doing. It’s good for mystique”
“I should’ve known it was near the end. Every time an old man starts talking about Napoleon, you know they’re going to die.” – Roger Sterling
“I like redheads. Their mouths are like a drop of strawberry jam in a glass of milk.” – Roger Sterling
“You ever get three sheets to the wind and try that thing on?”
“Well, I’ve got to go learn a load of people’s names before I fire them.” – Roger Sterling
“I’d say go to hell, but I never want to see you again.” – Roger Sterling
“I don’t like being judged.” – Roger Sterling
“We drink because it’s what men do.”
“Every time I think back, all the good stuff was with you.” – Roger Sterling
“I’ll buy you a drink if you wipe the blood off your mouth.” – Roger Sterling
“Advertising is based on one thing: happiness. And do you know what happiness is? Happiness is the smell of a new car. It’s freedom from fear. It’s a billboard on the side of a road that screams with reassurance that whatever you’re doing is OK. You are OK.” – Don Draper
“Everybody has problems. Some people can deal with them and some people can’t.” – Don Draper
“People tell you who they are, but we ignore it, because we want them to be who we want them to be.” – Don Draper
“I’m living like there’s no tomorrow, because there isn’t one.” – Don Draper
“The truth is people may see things differently, but they don’t really want to.” – Don Draper
“Success is related to standing out, not fitting in.” – Don Draper
“They say as soon you have to cut down on your drinking, you have a drinking problem.” – Don Draper
“The best idea always wins, and you know it when you see it.” – Don Draper
“We’re flawed because we want so much more. We’re ruined because we get these things and wish for what we had.” – Don Draper
“We’re gonna sit at our desks and keep typing while the walls fall down around us, because we’re creative. The least important most important thing there is.” – Don Draper
“It wasn’t a lie, it was ineptitude with insufficient cover.” – Don Draper
“You want some respect? Go out there and get it for yourself.” – Don Draper
“Peggy, just think about it. Deeply. Then forget it. And an idea will jump up in your face.” – Don Draper
“Our worst fears lie in anticipation.” – Don Draper
“What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons.” – Don Draper
“It’s your life. You don’t know how long it’s gonna be, but you know it’s got a bad ending. You have to move forward. As soon as you figure out what that is.” – Don Draper
“The greatest thing you have working for you is not the photo you take or the picture you paint. It’s the imagination of the consumer. They have no budget. They have no time limit. And if you can get into that space, your ad can run all day.” – Don Draper
“When a man walks into a room, he brings his whole life with him.” – Don Draper
“Is that what you want? Or is that what people expect of you?” – Don Draper
“What is happiness? It’s a moment before you need more happiness.” – Don Draper
“Sometimes we don’t get to choose where our talents lie.” – Don Draper
“Mourning is just extended self-pity.” – Don Draper
“You will realize in your private life that at a certain point seduction is over and force is actually being requested.” – Don Draper
“There will be fat years, and there will be lean years, but it is going to rain.” – Don Draper
“If you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation.” – Don Draper
“Sometimes we don’t get to choose where our talents lie.” – Don Draper
“You can’t tell people what they want. It has to be what you want.” – Don Draper
“You’re born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts.” – Don Draper
“They say as soon you have to cut down on your drinking, you have a drinking problem.“ – Don Draper
“Change is neither good or bad, it simply is.” – Don Draper
“Los Angeles is not what you see in the movies. It’s like Detroit with palm trees.” – Don Draper
“The day you sign a client is the day you start losing them.” – Don Draper
“People want to be told what to do so badly that they’ll listen to anyone.” – Don Draper
“Fear stimulates my imagination.” – Don Draper
“Even though success is a reality, its effects are temporary.” – Don Draper
“The truth is people may see things differently, but they don’t really want to.” – Don Draper
“You came here because we do this better than you and part of that is letting our creatives be unproductive until they are.” – Don Draper
“Why does everybody need to talk about everything?” – Don Draper
“There is no big lie. There is no system. The universe is indifferent.” – Don Draper
“There are certain things a boss does not share with his employees. His salary, that would depress them. His bed, it— And I am not going to tell them that I’ll be reading their e-mails.” – Michael Scott
“Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.” – Michael Scott
“I’m sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans!” – Michael Scott
“People are always coming to me. “Michael, I have a secret. Your the only one I trust.” No thanks, because keeping a secret can only lead to trouble. Like I was watching Cinemax last weekend. This movie, Portrait of a… Prostitute something. Secrets of a Call… More Secrets of a Call Girl. And the lead character, Shila, is framed for murder. She goes on the run and winds up working at a bordello in Malibu. I don’t, I don’t want to live like that. I like it here. I don’t want to be Shila, I like being Michael Scott.” – Michael Scott
“My mind is going a mile an hour.” – Michael Scott
“Abraham Lincoln once said that “If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North,” and those are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.” – Michael Scott
“Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What’s he wearing? Nothing special, baseball cap on backwards, baggy pants… he says something ordinary like… ‘yo, thats shizzle.’ Okay. Now slowly open your eyes again. Who are you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you.” – Michael Scott
“I am Michael, and I am part English, Irish, German, and Scottish…sort of a virtual United Nations” – Michael Scott
“Pizza: the great equalizer.” – Michael Scott
“Times have changed a little. And even though we’re still a family here at Dunder-Mifflin, families grow. And at some point, the daddy can’t take a bath with the kids anymore. I am Upper Management. And it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam. As much as I might want to.” – Michael Scott
“People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.” – Michael Scott
“Do I have a special someone? Uh well, yeah of course. A bunch of ’em. My employees. If I had to choose between a one-night-stand with some stupid cow I pick-up in a bar, and these people? I’d pick them every time. Because with them, it is an everyday stand and I still know their names in the morning.” – Michael Scott
“If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.” – Michael Scott
“The people that you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.” – Michael Scott
“Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.” – Michael Scott
“I don’t even consider myself a part of society.” – Michael Scott
“I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage, because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.” – Michael Scott
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott
“Number 8. Learn how to take off a woman’s bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks.” – Michael Scott
“Like right here is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I’m going to go get me a New York slice.” – Michael Scott
“There is no greater feeling than when two people who are perfect for each other overcome all obstacles and find true love.” – Michael Scott
“I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” – Michael Scott
“Why are you the way that you are?” – Michael Scott
“Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.” – Michael Scott
“I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car.” – Michael Scott
“Coffee is a drug. It is quite literally a drug. It speeds people up. It’s not the only drug that speeds people up. You hear stories about Dunder-Mifflin in the ’80s before people knew how bad cocaine was… gahhhh, man did they move paper!” – Michael Scott
“The most sacred thing I do is care. And provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money. I heal them. Today I am in charge of picking a great new healthcare plan. Right, that’s what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um… yes. In a way. Yeah, like a specialist.” – Michael Scott
“There’s no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s called a joke” – Michael Scott
“Starbucks. Oh man, that place is like the promised land!” – Michael Scott
“Nobody likes beets, Dwight! Why don’t you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy.” – Michael Scott
“I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.” – Michael Scott
“Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say “Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth.”” – Michael Scott
“And I’m optimistic because every day I get a little more desperate.” – Michael Scott
“In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain; on a boat, who knows, it’s nebulous.” – Michael Scott
“Rich people like pizza, poor people like pizza. White people like pizza, black people like pizza…. do black people like pizza?” – Michael Scott
“Gay porn, straight porn, it’s all goooood. I don’t particularly get into this, but you know what, I totally see the merit. And actually, it is quite beautiful.” – Michael Scott
“It’s like with firemen. You don’t leave your brothers behind. Even if you find out that there is a better fire in Connecticut.” – Michael Scott
“I have cause. It is beCAUSE I hate him.” – Michael Scott
“Society teaches us that, having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.” – Michael Scott
“You know what they say, ‘Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice…strike three.’” – Michael Scott
“This is an orientation, not a bore-ientation.” – Michael Scott
“Tactic number six. Change the location of the meeting at the last second. Totally throws ’em off.” – Michael Scott
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott
“A woman shouldn’t have to be hit by a car, to learn that she may have rabies. But that is where we are in America. And that does not sit right with me. And that is why I’m hosting a fun run race for the cure for rabies. To raise awareness of the fact that there is a cure for rabies. A disease that has largely been eradicated in the US. But not very many people know that.” – Michael Scott
“What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.” – Michael Scott
“Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.” – Michael Scott
“Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So, you know you are getting the best possible information.” – Michael Scott
“There is nothing more insulting to a great salesman than having to listen to a bad salesman. It’s like a great basketball player having to listen to a bad basketball player.” – Michael Scott
“If there is one thing I hate more than the mafia is a liar. I wish the mafia would go out and kill all the liars. Bury them in my yard. And I wouldn’t tell the cops a thing. Not that I would be lying per se but I would just get really quiet all of a sudden.” – Michael Scott
“I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends, and no one can say ‘no’ to being my friend.” – Michael Scott
“You are all successories!” – Michael Scott
“Make friends first. Make sales second. Make love third. In no particular order.” – Michael Scott
“Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was… No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.” – Michael Scott
“I had a choice. Either living with myself, or being happy.” – Michael Scott
“Whispering and tickling have their place in business.” – Michael Scott
“The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary, and they’d come down and they’d suck the soul out of your body, and it hurt!” – Michael Scott
“Yeah, whatever. No big deal. The hottest girl in the world loves me.” – Michael Scott
“Hey Goldenface! Go puck yourself!” – Michael Scott
“An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to… An office is a place where dreams come true.” – Michael Scott
“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” – Michael Scott
“Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.” – Michael Scott
michael scott birthday quotes, michael scott motivational quotes
“It’s performance review day, company-wide. Last year, my performance review started with Michael asking me what my hopes and dreams were, and it ended with him telling me he could bench-press 190 pounds. So, I don’t really know what to expect.” – Pam Beesly
“Usually on sexual harassment day everyone harasses me… as a joke.” – Pam Beesly
“Roy and I just got back from the Poconos. I get ten vacation days a year, and I try to hold off taking them for as long as possible, and this year I got to the third week in January.” – Pam Beesly
“Oh God no, Dwight isn’t my friend… Oh my God! Dwight’s kind of my friend!” – Pam Beesly
“There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?” – Pam Beesly
“They say if you’re nervous around someone, picture them naked. I do not recommend this strategy.” – Pam Beesly
” Jim is not allowed to talk until after he buys me a coke. Those are the rules of jinx, and they are unflinchingly rigid.” – Pam Beesly
““I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat.” – Pam Beesly
“I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.” – Pam Beesly
“Kinda sounds like prison is better than Dunder Mifflin” – Pam Beesly
“Michael wasn’t invited. Apparently they already knew everything they needed to know about him.” – Pam Beesly
“My dad spent the night at our place last night. My parents have been fighting for weeks and, it kinda sucks. Jim’s been great. But I’m gonna have to buy my dad a robe.” – Pam Beesly
“I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn’t hate me.” – Pam Beesly
“That was weird, huh? It’s all part of the presentation. It was confusing, right? Because confusing situations happen to us all the time in our jobs. I’m just trying to bridge the gap between what just happened and the fact that I’m going to be doing the rest of the presentation. [reading from cards, in Forrest Gump voice] Sales is like a box a chocolates, you never know which vendor you’re gonna get. Forrest Gump.” – Pam Beesly
“I’m at a crucial point where I have sunk 4 hours into that copier, and I am not going to let it beat me like that wireless router did” – Pam Beesly
“And I can’t even take off my hat, because then I’m Hitler.” – Pam Beesly
“There’s a dry cleaner, nail place, and a gym. Oh and it’s next door to an Outback so it always smells like steak” – Pam Beesly
“That’s what she said! That’s what she said!” – Pam Beesly
“Always the padawan, never the jedi” – Pam Beesly
“Once every hour someone is involved in an internet scam. That man is Michael Scott.” – Pam Beesly
“I make that one copy, and I become the girl who makes copies. And by the end of the day, I’m the receptionist again.” – Pam Beesly
“You know, maybe we should just have our own pregnancies and not pretend like we’re in this together.” – Pam Beesly
“They have new phone systems now that can ring directly to a salesman, or someone presses “star” and they go to accounting. Basically 95% of my job.” – Pam Beesly
“I’m sure she’s just confused. People scratch their heads when they’re confused. Not always like an ape, the way Meredith just did, but it happens.”
“No, cause the ice melts… And then it’s like second drink!” – Pam Beesly
“It’s true. I’m having a party. I’ve got three cases of imported beer, a karaoke machine, and I didn’t invite Michael. So three ingredients for a great party. And it’s nothing personal, I just think that if he were there, people wouldn’t be able to relax, and you know, have fun, and my roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I’m pretty sure he thinks that I’m making Dwight up. [sighs] He is very real.” – Jim Halpert
“That actually took a while. I had to put, uh, more and more nickels into his handset, till he got used to the weight, and then I just… took ’em all out.” – Jim Halpert
“There’s this thing that people tend to do with billboards. How do I put this? If there’s an opportunity for a graffiti artist to work in a… phallic shape, interacting with the artwork, it’ll happen, and Andy gave them that opportunity.” – Jim Halpert
““Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don’t sound that funny one after another. But he does deserve it, though.”” – Jim Halpert
“I did not love the dialogue. Or the character. I took the role to impress the receptionist who will remain nameless.” – Jim Halpert
“They might not have to downsize our branch. And I could work here for years… and years… and… years.” – Jim Halpert
“My roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m making Dwight up. He is very real.” – Jim Halpert
” I’ve never been a kiss up. It’s just not how I operate. I mean I’ve always subscribed to the idea that if you really want to impress your boss, you go in there and you do mediocre work, half-heartedly.” – Jim Halpert
“You gotta take a chance on something sometime, Pam.” – Jim Halpert
“Having a baby is exhausting. Having two babies? Now that’s just mean.” – Jim Halpert
“What the hell’s a rundown?” – Jim Halpert
“This is a fire cracker-free wedding.” – Jim Halpert
“Okay, ladies and gentlemen, welcome! I know you’re all very excited but, no matter who gets this, I just wanna say that you guys are all employees of the month in my eyes.” – Jim Halpert
“I don’t understand the desire to push sweet potato fries on me. I just want regular fries.” – Jim Halpert
“Everything I have I owe to this job…this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.” – Jim Halpert
“Tomorrow I can tell you what a great boss you turned out to be. Best boss I ever had.” – Jim Halpert
“I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.” – Jim Halpert
“Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.” – Jim Halpert
“I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires. But I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once. But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.” – Dwight Schrute
“It’s a real shame because studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage because I bring my own water to work.” – Dwight Schrute
“The principle is sound. To avoid illness, expose yourself to germs, enabling your immune system to develop antibodies. I don’t know why everyone doesn’t do this… Maybe they have something against living forever.” – Dwight Schrute
“D.W.I.G.H.T – Determined, Worker, Intense, Good worker, Hard worker, Terrific.” – Dwight Schrute
“Michael is like Mozart, and I’m like Butch Cassidy. You mess with Mozart and you’re gonna get bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.” – Dwight Schrute
“A thirty year mortgage at Michael’s age essentially means that he’s buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.” – Dwight Schrute
“People say, ‘oh it’s dangerous to keep weapons in the home, or the workplace.’ Well I say, it’s better to be hurt by someone you know, accidentally, than by a stranger, on purpose.” – Dwight Schrute
“Of course Martial arts training is relevant… Uh, I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ… You know what, you can go to hell, and I will see you there. Burning!” – Dwight Schrute
“‘R’ is the most menacing sound in the English language. That’s why it’s called ‘murder’ and not ‘mukduk.’” – Dwight Schrute
“Why are all these people here? There are too many people on this earth. We need a new plague.” – Dwight Schrute
“Congratulations on your one cousin. I have seventy, each one better than the last!”” – Dwight Schrute
“Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘would an idiot do that?’ and if they would, I do not do that thing.” – Dwight Schrute
“I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. Absolutely everything was the same…except I could fly.” – Dwight Schrute
“I wonder if king-sized sheets are called presidential-seized in England.” – Dwight Schrute
“Women are like wolves. If you want one you must trap it. Snare it. Tame it. Feed it.” – Dwight Schrute
“I am faster than 80% of all snakes.” – Dwight Schrute
“Why tip someone for a job I’m capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist, because… I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.” – Dwight Schrute
“How would I describe myself? Three words. Hard-working. Alpha male. Jackhammer. Merciless. Insatiable. ” – Dwight Schrute
“The hand that reaches from the grave to grip your throat is the strong hand you want on the wheel.” – Dwight Schrute
“Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it.” – Dwight Schrute
“I never smile if I can help it, Showing one’s teeth is a submission signal in primates. Someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for it’s life.” – Dwight Schrute
“Would I ever leave this company? Look, I’m all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I’m being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly, I’m going wherever they value loyalty the most.” – Dwight Schrute
“I am not a security threat. And, my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.” – Dwight Schrute
“I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.” – Dwight Schrute
“Trust me, you are going to want to heeeeeat, my words.” – Dwight Schrute
“I taught Mike some, uh, phrases to help with his interracial conversations. You know, stuff like, “Fleece it out.” “Going mach five.” “Dinkin’ flicka.” You know, things us Negroes say.” – Dwight Schrute
“I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose And a panther.I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose And a panther.” – Dwight Schrute
“Nothing stresses me out. Except having to seek the approval of my inferiors.” – Dwight Schrute
“The eyes are the groin of the head.” – Dwight Schrute
“I am better than you have ever or ever will be.” – Dwight Schrute
“Learn your rules. You better learn your rules. If you don’t, you’ll be eaten in your sleep. *crunch*” – Dwight Schrute
“I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my penis up into itself.” – Dwight Schrute
“I do not fear the unknown. I will meet my new challenges head-on, and I will succeed, and I will laugh in the faces of those who doubt me.” – Dwight Schrute
“When I die, I wanna be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died and what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.” – Dwight Schrute
“Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.” – Dwight Schrute
“Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.” – Dwight Schrute
“In an ideal world I would have all ten fingers on my left hand and the right one would just be left for punching.” – Dwight Schrute
“I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn’t have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I’d just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus I’d be more in tune with the moon and the tides.” – Dwight Schrute
“I love catching people in the act. That’s why I always whip open doors.” – Dwight Schrute
“I’m a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I am better at hiding than they are… at vision.”” – Dwight Schrute
“A real man swallows his vomit when a lady is present.” – Dwight Schrute
“People learn in lots of different ways, but experience is the best teacher.” – Dwight Schrute
“Nostalgia is truly one of the great human weaknesses. Second only to the neck.” – Dwight Schrute
“Those who can’t farm, farm celery.” – Dwight Schrute
“I always wondered how they picked the person to die. I’d be good at picking the person.” – Dwight Schrute
“Identity theft is not a joke Jim. Millions of families suffer every year!” – Dwight Schrute
“Powerpoints are the peacocks of the business world; all show, no meat.” – Dwight Schrute
“There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we’re downriver from that old bread factory.” – Dwight Schrute
“All you need is love. False. The four basic human necessities are air, water, food, and shelter.” – Dwight Schrute
“There are 3 things you never turn your back on: bears, men you have wronged, and a dominant male turkey during mating season.” – Dwight Schrute
“It’s never the person who you most suspect. It’s also never the person you least suspect since anyone with half a brain would suspect them the most. Therefore, I know the killer to be Phyllis… The person who I most medium suspect.” – Dwight Schrute
“I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching.” – Dwight Schrute
“Everyone follow me to the shelter. We’ve got enough food for 14 days. After that, we have a difficult conversation.” – Dwight Schrute
“Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man’s.” – Dwight Schrute
“In the wild, there is no healthcare. Healthcare is “Oh, I broke my leg!” A lion comes and eats you, you’re dead. Well, I’m not dead, I’m the lion, you’re dead!” – Dwight Schrute
“I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran. Killed twenty men and spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.” – Dwight Schrute
“My feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man.” – Dwight Schrute
While the series was being shot, the computers in the office were really connected to the internet and the players were hanging on the computers between the sets.
❝My IQ doesn't break the bank and I wanted to do this so I studied all the time. And I missed something or it's like I skipped a year 'cause I never learned what you do after you think you like somebody❞
Share your Results :
Which The West Wing Character Are You?
❝If fidelity to freedom and democracy is the code of our civic religion, then surely the code of our humanity is faithful service to that unwritten commandment that says “We shall give our children better than we ourselves had”❞
Share your Results :
Which The West Wing Character Are You?
❝Education is the silver bullet. Education is everything. We don’t need little changes. We need gigantic revolutionary changes. Schools should be palaces. Competition for the best teachers should be fierce. They should be getting six-figure salaries. Schools should be incredibly expensive for government and absolutely free of charge for its citizens, just like national defense. That is my position. I just haven’t figured out how to do it yet❞
Share your Results :
Which The West Wing Character Are You?
“Oh my God, you’re putting my mother’s cats on the Supreme Court.”
