1- Chris Traeger: “Pawnee is literally the best town in the country.”
2- Ron Swanson: “I love Food and Stuff. It’s where I buy all of my food. And most of my stuff.”
3- April Ludgate: “We have a couple of house rules, though. You can’t use the front door; you have to climb in through the back window. No personal phone conversations. If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal “usted.” And no electricity after 6:00 PM. A couple more rules: if you ever watch a sad movie, you have to wear mascara so we can see whether or not you’ve been crying. There’s no noise allowed on Mondays. And no TV after breakfast.”
4- Chris Traeger : “I take care of my body above all else. Diet, exercise, supplements, positive thinking. Scientists believe that the first human being who will live 150 years has already been born. I believe I am that human being.”
5- Ron Swanson : There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that is lying about being milk.
6- Andy Dwyer: “I’m allergic to sushi. Every time I eat more than 80 sushis, I barf.”
7- Jerry Gergich : “They can laugh at me all they want. Because two more years until I retire with full benefits and pension, and my wife and I, we have bought a little cottage on a lake, and I am gonna get myself a stack of mystery novels, a box of cigars, and I am gonna sit back and enjoy my life.”
8- Andy Dwyer: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that one on a can of lemonade. I like to think it applies to life.
9- Ron Swanson : It’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it.
10- Ann Perkins : Halloween is my favorite holiday. It’s just the best. And I don’t have to work! Hey slutty teenage girls dressed as sexy kittens, pump your own stomachs this year!!
11- Leslie Knope : “You know my code. Hoes before bros. Uteruses before duderuses. Ovaries before Brovaries.”
12- Ron Swanson : Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing. Zero stars.
13- Ron Swanson : “Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait…wait. I worry what you just heard was: Give me a lot of bacon and eggs. What I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?”
14- Ron Swanson : The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy.
15- Ben Wyatt : “No, that’s Buckingham Palace. Hogwarts is fictional. You do know that, don’t you? It’s important to me that you know that.”
16- Andy Dwyer : “I have no idea what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it really, really well.”
17- Tom Haverford : “Pawnee is the opposite of hip. People in this town are just now getting into Nirvana. I don’t have the heart to tell them what’s gonna happen to Kurt Cobain in 1994.”
18- Ron Swanson : I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.
22- April Ludgate : “So you’ve gone insane. That’s fun.”
23- Leslie Knope : “If I had a stripper name, it would have to be Equality.”
24- April Ludgate : Time is money; Money is power; Power is pizza; Pizza is knowledge. Let’s go!
25- April Ludgate : “We have a couple of house rules, though. You can’t use the front door; you have to climb in through the back window. No personal phone conversations. If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal “usted.” And no electricity after 6:00 PM. A couple more rules: if you ever watch a sad movie, you have to wear mascara so we can see whether or not you’ve been crying. There’s no noise allowed on Mondays. And no TV after breakfast.”
26- Chris Traeger : “My anxiety has kept me up for over 50 hours.”
27- Tom Haverford : “When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? Because I bet on all the horses.”
28- Ron Swanson: There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.
29- Ron Swanson: “Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat and cats are useless.”
30- Leslie Knope: “I would like to be president someday, so no, I’ve not smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party in college. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable, actually. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there wasn’t any pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie.”
31- Ben Wyatt : “There’s like a 30% chance they’ll both die.”
32- April Ludgate : “The only things I like are dogs, sleeping late, and weird birthmarks.”
33- Ron Swanson: “Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys into men, from men into gladiators, and from gladiators into Swansons.”
34- Ann Perkins : “It’s really hard to say congrats without sounding sarcastic.”
35- Tom Haverford : “Most people would say ‘the deets’, but I say ‘the tails’. Just another example of innovation.”
36- Leslie Knope : “I am not ashamed to say I am often inspired by myself.”
37- Ron Swanson: I’d wish you the best of luck but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures.
38- Ron Swanson: Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, I’d choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I’d work all night, if it meant nothing got done.
39- Ben Wyatt : “I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Actually, it’s gonna bug me if I don’t.”
40- Ron Swanson : “Strippers do nothing for me. I like a strong salt-of-the-earth, self-possessed woman at the top of her field, your Steffi Graf’s, Sheryl Swoopes’s, but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.”
41- Leslie Knope : “Ann, you beautiful, sassy mannequin come to life.”
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