1- “I just don’t want to be alone. I just do not want to be insignificant.”
2 “Your daddy is crazy…now let’s measure that forehead.”
3- Miriam ‘Midge’ Maisel : It’s downtown. If you have underwear on, you’re overdressed.
4- Abe to Joel: your pedestrian safety is of no concern to me.
5- Susie Myerson : Spontaneity works until it doesn’t work. Then you’re stuck.
6- Miriam ‘Midge’ Maisel : You’ve heard about the shorthand girls? These are girls whose skill in life is not writing full sentences.
7- Miriam ‘Midge’ Maisel : The world is full of disappointments, and sometimes people let you down. You can’t just run away.
8- Joel Maisel : Do you know what a dream is? A dream is what keeps you going in a job you hate.
10- Abe Weissman : Just because there is a door does not mean you use it. A door does not represent infinite possibilities.
11- Miriam ‘Midge’ Maisel : We have children. We will have to see each other forever. Until we are dead. And then for four to six months after.
12- Abe Weissman : Everything we bring on ourselves is our own fault.
13- Miriam ‘Midge’ Maisel : If women don’t realize what’s going on in the world, they can’t step in and fix it. Because they WILL fix it. And accessorize it!
14- Miriam ‘Midge’ Maisel : I’m officially losing my mind, which is perfect. Now I will be alone and crazy, the famous mad divorcée of the upper West Side.
15- Joel Maisel : The first time I laid eyes on you, that was it for me.
16- Abe Weissman : I still control this house! I’m just doing it from in there.
17- Susie Myerson : I got up at 9:30. In the morning. You know the last time I was up at 9:30 in the morning? It was the last time I stayed out all night and got home at 9:30 in the morning.
18- Susie Myerson : I don’t mind being alone. I just do not want to be insignificant.
19- Abe Weinberg : Life isn’t fair. It’s hard and cruel. You have to pick your friends as if there’s a war going on.
20- Miriam ‘Midge’ Maisel : All that applause for me? What am I, putting out after? One standing ovation, everyone goes home pregnant.
21- Miriam ‘Midge’ Maisel : Me, personally, I was never great at gift-giving. Maybe it’s because I never got to celebrate Christmas. I got Hanukkah. Doesn’t exactly prepare you the same way.
22- Abe Weissman : Sometimes I tune people out, but mostly because they rarely have anything useful or interesting to say.
23- Miriam ‘Midge’ Maisel : Calling that thing a house is like calling the Vatican a church.
24- Susie Myerson : I stay here. And I sweat. And I smell like a bum. And I’m miserable, and I want to kill people. And I do that till it gets cold.
25- Miriam ‘Midge’ Maisel : See, my life completely fell apart today, and here’s why. My father-in-law owns my house. And he took it back when his son left me. Actually, that doesn’t sound funny at all.
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