1- Jack: “Will, you don’t understand. We have to help the new gays. Nurture them, make them beautiful. We have to ‘Gay It Forward’.”
2- Grace: Jack, this isn’t going to be as hard as you think. On some level, your mother has to know your gay. I mean, she has met you, right?
3- Karen: Honey, my catchphrase is: 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, you figure it out.”
4- Grace: “I feel like I’m in ‘The Twilight Zone’. And all the people are pigs. And I’m the pretty one, but everyone thinks I’m ugly because they’re all pigs and they think pigs are pretty.
5- Karen: Honey, Stan can’t make it. He’s having some work done on his Mercedes. Or his… kidneys… I wasn’t really paying attention.
6- Jack : Sometimes bad people happen to good dogs.
9- Will: “‘Pansexual’? Isn’t that a rest stop on the road to ‘homo’?”
10- Karen:
You know, marriage is… what? Marriage is… Marriage is, okay? What the hell, that’s all you need to… Grace? Oh! Now she’s gone. She’s gone, and I’m sitting here talking to myself like a crazy person. Oh, my God, listen to me. I’m still doing it!
11- Karen: Husbands come and go, but the Chanel slingback is forever.
12- Karen: “Well, you’re all boring and I’m fun.”
13- Karen: I want a man who can make a woman feel like a girl. And who can make that girl feel like a slut. And who can make that slut feel like a woman.
14- Karen: “That’s like saying Pradas are just shoes, or vodka is just a morning beverage!”
15- Karen: Desperate times call for desperate measures. It’s time to get your head out of the dumps and your legs in the air!
16- Grace: “How could I not have known? He was Boy George for Halloween, he has a diffuser on his hairdryer, and he’s prettier than me.”
17- Jack: “But there’s always a lot of rich, old gay guys at those things looking for younger gay guys to take care of. You know, the way Dick Cheney takes care of George Bush.”
18- Karen: Oh my God, how can you drink straight orange juice first thing in the morning?
19- Jack: “One day I hope to have a hag of my very own.”
20- Will: “When you saw Kevin Spacey you tried to get back those nine bucks you paid for ‘K-Pax’. I believe your exact words were: ‘hey Spacey, pay it forward.'”
21- Bill : Knock! Knock! Anybody homo?
22- Karen: I’ve been like a mother to that girl. I’ve locked her in her room, told her she was fat, and once I even left her in a store!
23- Jack: All chaps are assless. That’s why they’re awesome.
24- Karen: “Honey, tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to be sarcastic.”
25- Karen: “Ok, rule number one. Unless you’re served in a frosted glass, never come within four feet of my lips.”
26- Grace: Your lips can go from here [points to Will’s lips] to HERE! [points to her butt]
27- Karen: “You say potato, I say vodka.”
28- Karen: OK, Rule number 1: Unless you’re served in a frosted glass, never come within four feet of my lips.
29- Karen: Honey, I’ve always said if your genitals are on the outside, you’re hiding something on the inside.
30- Karen: “I’m gonna be so mad when my mood elevators wear off.”
31- Karen: Would you like me to preheat the oven or you wanna just dive right in?
32- Karen: “Honey, when I agreed to drive you to the set, you didn’t say it was on Staten Island. How the hell am I ever gonna get the stench of landfill and working class families out of tropical lightweight wool?”