Looking for the best quotes from the TV show Wilfred? Look no further! Our selection of the 36 best Wilfred quotes will have you laughing, pondering, and appreciating the unique humor of this beloved series. From the witty banter between Wilfred and Ryan to the profound insights hidden beneath the surface, these quotes capture the essence of this iconic show. Get ready to dive into the world of Wilfred and discover the gems that have made it a fan favorite.
Wilfred Quotes
1- “Apparently for the better part of three months, I was sitting in a coat closet getting baked with a dog.” -Ryan
2- “Drew-bee-doo-bee-doo, what’s up bro?” -Wilfred
3- “I remember you, Ryan. Memory is like the Packers when they’re behind by two touchdowns in the fourth quarter…it comes back.” -Wilfred
4- “I’m gonna look just like that Kathleen Turner dude.” -Wilfred
5- “One man’s trash is another man’s feng shui. That’s why I left that pool of yellow water by the southeast door.” -Wilfred
6- “I’m an office dog. It’s my duty to entertain and amuse, and if I can’t do it they’ll bring in some foosball table who can!” -Wilfred
7- “Those idiots wouldn’t know adorable if it cornered them in a holding cell and raped them with a plunger handle. That reminds me; Bear could you pick up a plunger before our next date night?” -Wilfred
8- “There’s a war out there, Ryan, a war between dogs and babies…and you brought it to our door step.” -Wilfred
9- “I’m such an idiot for not duct taping a pizza cutter to the end of Arturo’s penis!” -Wilfred
10- “I’ve heard of trauma causing blindness, like when Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles walked in on each other masturbating.” -Wilfred
11- “There’s darkness everywhere Ryan. You just can’t see because the sun is such an attention whore.” -Wilfred
12- “Wilfred, you’re my best friend. If you want your own dog house, we’ll get you one. I just can’t spend $9,000.” -Ryan
13- “I brought dessert! I found it in the most charming little French bakery’s dumpster.” -Wilfred
14- “I could totally pass as Harry Potter.” -Ryan
15- “God damn it Wilfred, I will not let you ejaculate all over me again.” -Ryan
16- “Ryan, you’re buried under a box of secrets with a talking dog in a basement that may not even exist.” -Wilfred
17- “That’s how long you’ve been down in your basement playing a pointless game with your neighbor’s dog and his, well, Bruce.” -Wilfred
18- “Remember when I mauled that Black teenager’s face the other day? You think I did that because he had ice cream on his face? No. I did it because I hoped it would help him go on to be the next Seal.” -Wilfred
19- “Imagine how hilarious I’d look wearing a full-bodied animal suit.” -Wilfred
20- “Hey, Ryyyyy – cironi, the San Francisco treat. Now in the new chicken.” -Drew
21- “Being happy is just like being gay. It’s a choice, that’s why they mean the same thing.” -Wilfred
22- “I just watched Jenna take it in the hands from every guy in the neighborhood.” -Wilfred
23- “You think I don’t have a pair of dick shears? I do.” -Wilfred
24- “Without you I have no purpose. I’m nothing. It’s like I don’t even exist.” -Wilfred
25- “Seems like you’re not the only one who can do spot on impressions, huh Bear?” -Wilfred
26- “That is not what I was thinking! I was thinking how ironic it is that Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves yet he himself was a slave to a weird beard style.” -Wilfred
27- “It’s my bachelor pad…pretty nauseating digs right?” -Wilfred
28- “I looked in the mirror again this morning. Guess what I found? 8,867,322 grey hairs.” -Wilfred
29- “You can’t put genius on hold. Dude! The muses are basically all up on my nuts right now.” -Wilfred
30- “Santa is the mail man on steroids.” -Wilfred
31- “Your dad is just how I pictured him…pure evil. He even looks like Michael Vick.” -Wilfred
32- “I’m gonna get a bikini wax and I want to still be a little buzzed when the lady rips it.” -Kristen
33- “Everyone knows store lighting can’t be trusted, especially when you have a non-traditional figure.” -Wilfred
34- “Ryan, no door can stay in the way of love. Unless it’s like, a door door. Does it have a door knob?” -Wilfred
35- “The home security system to a dog is like the cotton gin to a slave. It’s an insult. It says you’re easily replaceable.” -Wilfred
36- “Classic Margo…couldn’t hear death if it was knocking on her door.” -Wilfred
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