Brooklyn Nine Nine Quotes: “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” is an American television sitcom that originally aired from September 17, 2013, to September 16, 2021. Created by Michael Schur and Dan Goor, the show was known for its comedic portrayal of the fictional 99th precinct of the New York City Police Department in Brooklyn.
The series starred a diverse ensemble cast, including Andy Samberg as Detective Jake Peralta, Andre Braugher as Captain Raymond Holt, Terry Crews as Sergeant Terry Jeffords, Melissa Fumero as Detective Amy Santiago, Stephanie Beatriz as Detective Rosa Diaz, Joe Lo Truglio as Detective Charles Boyle, Chelsea Peretti as Gina Linetti, and more.
Brooklyn Nine Nine Quotes
1. “The English language cannot fully capture the depth and complexity of my thoughts, so I’m incorporating emojis into my speech to better express myself. Winky face.” – Gina Linetti, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
2. “Title of your sex tape.” — Jake Peralta
3. “Sarge, with all due respect, I am gonna completely ignore everything you just said.” — Jake Peralta
4. “I ate one string bean. It tasted like fish vomit. That was it for me.” — Sergeant Terry Jeffords
5. “But my point is this: I don’t care what time it is. I’m always happy to be here. Nine-Nine! Nine-Niiine! A-Noine-Noine! I’m gonna keep doing it until you guys chime in. A-Noine-Noine!” — Jake Peralta
6. “Captain? The kids want to know where Paulie the Pigeon is. I told them he got sucked up into an airplane engine. Is that all right?” — Gina Linetti
7. Amy Santiago:“Rule number three: Let’s not have sex right away.”
Jake Peralta: “Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool. No doubt, no doubt, no doubt. Good rule. No sex. Good rule.”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
8. Rosa Diaz: “We can go to my apartment. No one knows where I live.”
Sergeant Terry Jeffords: “I thought you had Amy over there once.” Rosa Diaz: “Yeah, it was fun. I moved the next day.”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
9. “Thank you, Carlene. Your entire life is garbage.” — Rosa Diaz
10. Rosa Diaz: “I’ve only said I love you to three people. My mom, my dad, and my dying grandpa. And one of those I regret.”
Charles Boyle: “Which one?” Rosa Diaz: “Grandpa. He beat cancer, so now I look like an idiot.” – ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
11. “Do not trust any child that chews bubble gum-flavored bubble gum. Do not trust any adult that chews gum at all. Never vacation in Banff.” — Captain Holt
12. “No, no, no, I don’t mess with computers, OK? Ever since I died of dysentery on the Oregon Trail, I was like, no thank you. I’m done with this.” — Adrian Pimento
13. “What is the bandwidth on the Wi-Fi here? We have much content to stream.” — Jake Peralta
14. Captain Holt: “Please be seated. Friends, colleagues, gawking New Yorkers, we are here today to celebrate the marriage of Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago. I’ve known you both for the last five years. And it has been a true pleasure to watch your distracting childish rivalry evolve into a distracting childish courtship and now into what I’m sure will be a distracting childish marriage. I’m proud of you. And I love you both.”
Jake Peralta: “Permission to say it back?” Captain Holt: “Permission granted.” Amy Santiago: “I love you too, sir.” Jake Peralta: “Love you, Captain.”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
15. “Wait, first, let’s say a prayer. Dear Beyonce, Solange, Rihanna, someone cool that’s white, Cardi B, please bless this flush. A-women.” — Gina Linetti
16. Jake Peralta: “I tried everything. I begged. I pleaded. I even told them that Scully was a Make-a-Wish kid with a rare disease that makes him look like a giant old baby.”
Rosa Diaz: “Did you call it Scullyosis?” Jake Peralta: “Damn it, Rosa, that’s really good and completely useless to me now.” – ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
17. “The English language can not fully capture the depth and complexity of my thoughts, so I’m incorporating emojis into my speech to better express myself. Winky face.” — Gina Linetti
18. “A place where everybody knows your name is hell. You’re describing hell.” — Rosa Diaz
19. “Jake, piece of advice: Just give up. It’s the Boyle way. It’s why our family crest is a white flag.” — Charles Boyle
20. “OK, no hard feelings, but I hate you. Not joking. Bye.” — Gina Linetti
21. “Hello, unsolved case. Do you bring me joy? No, because you’re boring and you’re too hard. See ya.” — Norm Scully
22. “Great, I’d like your $8-est bottle of wine, please.” — Jake Peralta
23. “I don’t want to hang out with some stupid baby who’s never met Jake.” — Charles Boyle
24. “Well, no one asked you. It’s a self-evaluation.” — Michael Hitchcock
25. Jake Peralta: “Thought I might find you here. So not a big fan of my speech, huh?”
Amy Santiago: “No, I loved it. I mean, I wish it hadn’t been at a wake. And I wish you hadn’t kept referring to me as your dead boss.”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
26. Rosa Diaz: “Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.”
Jake Peralta: “I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
27. “Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. No doubt, no doubt, no doubt.” — Jake Peralta
28. “If I die, turn my tweets into a book.” — Gina Linetti
29. “Fine, but in protest, I’m walking over there extremely slowly!” — Jake Peralta
30. “Move over, Peralta! Move over! Okay. And if I may do a third toast, it’ll be focused primarily on the mango yogurt.” — Sergeant Terry Jeffords
31. Charles Boyle: “OK, first of all, Rosa, you look amazing. Secondly, I made an appointment at the salon with Nikki, for you, under the name Gabriella Fuentes de San Miguel Estrada. I had fun with the name.”
Rosa Diaz: “Clearly.”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
32. “Wait a minute, this isn’t the championship cummerbund. This is some common cummerbund. And you’re not Cheddar. You’re just some common bitch.” — Captain Holt
33. “Breakups are a cartoony thumbs down. They make people feel face-with-Xs-for-the-eyes.” — Gina Linetti
34. “Let’s not overlook the fact that he turned his crime scenes into tea parties for dollies.” — Captain Holt
35. Jake Peralta: “Wait a minute, I think I just figured something out. I got to go.”
Gina Linetti: “Aren’t you forgetting something?” (Jake gives Gina a kiss on the forehead) Gina Linetti: “Uh no, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
36. “I’m scared of businessmen. A whole army of gray-suited Brads and Chads trying to suck my soul and redeem it for frequent flyer miles.” — Gina Linetti
37. “I need someone to take this personality test for my psych class. I was hoping to wow my professor with a genuine psycho. Like Amy. Or Hitchcock. Or Charles would be great.” — Gina Linetti
38. “I was thinking how I would make the perfect American president based upon my skill set, dance ability, and bloodlust.” — Gina Linetti
39. “I worked at a sunglass kiosk at the mall for four years. So not only have I been through hell, I was assistant manager there.” — Gina Linetti
40. “I’d describe the workflow today as dismal, with a tiny dash of pathetic.” — Gina Linetti
41. “It’s such a classic Boyle trait to not recognize talent. My cousin Susan didn’t know she could sing until her late 40s.” — Charles Boyle
42. “Aw, man. All the orange soda spilled out of my cereal.” — Jake Peralta
43. Charles Boyle: “I bet it’s really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.”
Jake Peralta: “No, it’s probably just an empty white cube, with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he’s on sleep mode.”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
44. “We’ve busted murderers; we’ve taken down cartels. But today we face the worst New York has to offer: the fire department.” — Jake Peralta
45. Fire Marshall Boone: “Detective Peralta, your fly is down. I made you look.”
Jake Peralta: “I didn’t look. And I’m wearing shorts; there is no fly.”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
46. “You just graduated Pie School, bitches! Sorry I said ‘bitches,’ I’m just really worked up.” — Charles Boyle
47. “I asked them if they wanted to embarrass you, and they instantly said yes.” — Captain Holt
48. Captain Holt: “Everyone, I’m your new Commanding Officer, Captain Ray Holt.”
Amy Santiago: “Speech!” Captain Holt: “That was my speech.” Amy Santiago: “Short and sweet.”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
49. “Captain, hey! Welcome to the murder.” — Jake Peralta
50. “With all due respect, that pigeon is clearly a Ray J. Hi, Gina Linetti, the human form of the 100 Emoji.” — Gina Linetti
51. Madeline Wuntch: “Sticks and stones, Raymond.”
Captain Holt: “Describing your breakfast?”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
52. “This man is a Timberlake and you need to stop treating him like a Fatone.” — Gina Linetti
53. Jake Peralta: “So, we broke a rule.”
Amy Santiago: “Yeah. Hope it wasn’t a mistake.” Jake Peralta: “Hope it wasn’t a mistake. Title of your sex tape. Oh! Title of our sex tape!”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
54. Gina Linetti: “Captain. I know this isn’t my place to say, but Madeline Wuntch is here to see you.”
Captain Holt: “Actually, that’s exactly your place to say. You are my assistant. What, precisely, did you think your job was?”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
55. “It’s Gina’s phone. Leave me a voice mail. I won’t check it ’cause it’s not 1993.” — Gina Linetti’s voice mail
56. Charles Boyle: “Hey, Sarge. I need someone to fill out a lineup. Will you be Scary Terry?”
Sergeant Terry Jeffords: “Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry’s thinking.”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
57. Sergeant Terry Jeffords: “You should take my minivan.”
Rosa Diaz: “A minivan? Ha ha.” Sergeant Terry Jeffords: “You all got a problem with my minivan? Because my wife doesn’t like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
58. “I’m a detective. I will detect.” — Sergeant Terry Jeffords
59. Jake Peralta: “That was 18 days ago. He’s getting saner by the minute. In a month, he’ll basically just be Frasier.”
Sergeant Terry Jeffords: “Don’t use Frasier’s name in vain.” Jake Peralta: “Copy that.”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
60. Jake Peralta: “You guys, this is gonna be fine. I mean, Terry’s our boss, and he comes with us every year.”
Sergeant Terry Jeffords: “Correction, you bring Vacation Terry, and he is no man’s boss. When the slippers are filled, Terry is chilled.”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
61. “I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.” — Jake Peralta
62. “Do you know how many basic bitches would kill to have my personality?” — Gina Linetti
63. “Um, did something awkward happen? I can probably relate.” — Charles Boyle
64. “‘Be myself’ — what kind of garbage advice is that?” — Jake Peralta
65. “I have decided to stop fighting it and lean in to the fact that I’m an idiot.” — Captain Holt
66. Jake Peralta: “I’m quick at math.”
Captain Holt: “OK, what’s 38 x 76?” Jake Peralta: “24.” Captain Holt: “That’s not even close.” Jake Peralta: “But it was quick.”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
67. “I don’t care for cheese. I’m a curd-mudgeon.” — Captain Holt
68. Gina Linetti: “Would you tell the sky to stop being so blue?”
Captain Holt: “Yes. I wish it were tan.” Gina Linetti: “What?” Captain Holt: “It’s my favorite color. It’s no-nonsense.”- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
69. “Jake, why don’t you just do the right thing and jump out a window? Captain Holt will never fire me if he knows I’m mourning the death of a close friend.” — Gina Linetti
70. “You should make me your campaign manager. I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.” — Gina Linetti
71. “You think you can just bully people, but you can’t. It’s not OK. I’m the bully around here. Ask anyone.” — Gina Linetti
72. “The only thing I’m not good at is modesty, because I’m great at it.” — Gina Linetti
73. “But the fact that you’re not willing to give up in the face of adversity is inspiring. I love the Nine-Nine, and I’m not gonna turn my back on the squad.” — Captain Holt
74. “Trying to get drunk enough to have sexual intercourse with a vegan. Why can’t I just think with my junk like a modern man?” — Charles Boyle
75. “So, what is this? Casual, serious? I need to know how to make fun of you.” — Rosa Diaz
76. “Captain Wuntch, good to see you. But if you’re here, who’s guarding Hades?” — Captain Holt
77. “I’m playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I’m hydrated as hell, and I’m listening to Sheryl Crow. I’ve got my own party going on.” — Sergeant Terry Jeffords
78. “Anyone over the age of six celebrating a birthday should go to hell.” — Rosa Diaz
79. “Captain, turn your greatest weakness into your greatest strength. Like Paris Hilton RE: her sex tape.” — Gina Linetti
80. “Title of your sex tape.” — Amy Santiago
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