Ever since its debut in 2011, “Bob’s Burgers” has been grilling up laughter with its unique mix of humor, quirky characters, and endearing family dynamics. At the heart of it all is the Belcher family – Bob, Linda, and their children, Tina, Gene, and Louise. The show has a knack for infusing ordinary situations with an absurd comedy that has viewers coming back for more, season after season. With so many hilarious moments throughout its run, “Bob’s Burgers” has generated a smorgasbord of memorable quotes. Here are some of the best from each character:
Bob Belcher
Bob, as the family patriarch and owner of the eponymous burger joint, is often the voice of reason amidst the chaos that surrounds him. However, his dry wit and sarcastic humor often shine through:
- “Listen, you’re my children and I love you but you’re all terrible at what you do here and I feel like I should tell you, I’d fire all of you if I could.”
- “Why don’t we name our toilet? We don’t even let people put paper on it because we don’t want it to get scratched.”
- “Oh my god, I’ve been saying ‘burger’ a lot. Is it stuck in your head? I’m sorry, I’m like a chicken that way, you know, cluck, cluck, cluck.”
- “I can’t serve rabbit! People hate cute things. I mean, come on, it’s why we all eat veal.”
- “Look, kids, we’re not going to a water park to get wet. We’re going to a water park to walk around and buy things at twice the price we would pay somewhere else.”
- “When I die, cremate me and throw my ashes in Tom Selleck’s face.”
- “I’m a little worried about being a slut in my Burger of the Day calendar. I mean, it’s not the classiest thing.”
- “I can’t believe I said yes to a grilled cheese sandwich. When would I ever do that?”
- “I’ve always wanted to serve celebrities. It’s on my bucket list. It’s right after ‘become a bucket’.”
- “I don’t want to be dramatic, but I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.”
- “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”
- “The only reason I’m staying here is because your mom and I love you. A lot. Otherwise, we’d be long gone.”
- “Sometimes you need to step outside, clear your head, and remind yourself of who you are. And where you wanna be. And sometimes you have to go back to the very beginning to figure out where that is.”
- “Life is all about ass. You’re either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, or trying to get a piece of it.”
- “I have to find a way to take care of my family. I mean, I guess they’re not my ‘real’ family, but they are my family.”
- “If you’re going to be sneaky, you’ve got to learn to be sneaky sneakier.”
- “All right, but if you start running, I’m gonna shoot you in the back.”
- “I don’t know how to break it to you, but I’m not in great shape either, but at least I’m not going around, pretending to be other people.”
- “I just want to let you know, I’ll always be there for you. Unless we break up, but otherwise, always.”
- “If I wanted to be forced to do something, I’d be at work.”
Linda Belcher
Linda, Bob’s loving and enthusiastic wife, always finds a way to express joy and positivity, even in the most challenging situations:
- “Alright! Everything is okay because I’m here.”
- “Not bad for a girl with no talent!”
- “I’m a fun mom! But I’m not a regular mom. I’m a cool mom! Right, kids? Right? Right?”
- “I’m full of surprises, just like a piñata. And also candy. Lots and lots of candy.”
- “I love you more than I love wine. And you know how much I love wine.”
- “You’re my husband, and I love you, and I think you’re awesome. And my heart is telling me that we need some big money, and we need it now.”
- “I’m sorry I lost it, but sometimes when I think about how amazing you are, I get a little bonkers.”
- “Oh, we’re just a regular, ordinary family who likes to do regular, ordinary things, like eat at gas stations and pick up old people.”
- “You know what’s great about putting all your eggs in one basket? No dishes.”
- “What’s that smell? Oh, it’s me. I’m on fire today!”
- “I’m just a woman who loves her husband and takes her responsibilities very seriously. And I also have a unicorn tattoo on my butt.”
- “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle, but I need you like a fish needs water.”
- “When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all like, ‘Whaaat?'”
- “Hey, come on, chin up! Smile, everybody! Or don’t, it’s a free country. Well, I mean, it’s not free, you have to buy things. So, in a way, it’s a pay-as-you-go country!”
- “I don’t want to be dramatic, but I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.”
- “I’m fun, I’m fabulous, and I’m flirty. Also, I’m a little gassy.”
- “You’re my hero, Bob. You’re like if Superman and James Bond had a baby and then that baby grew up to be a fisherman, and then that fisherman married me.”
- “Love is a battlefield. And by battlefield, I mean like, a corn maze. Where you can’t find your way out and you’re surrounded by corn.”
- “I’m all jacked up on hugs!”
- “You know, we’ve all got our own path to walk. You just have to make sure you’re wearing really fabulous shoes while you’re doing it.”
Tina Belcher
Tina, the eldest Belcher child, is best known for her awkwardness, love for erotic friend fiction, and teenage angst. Her earnestness often leads to some of the most iconic quotes from the show:
- “Your ass is grass and I’m gonna mow it.”
- “Your lips say no, but your eyes say, ‘Read my lips.'”
- “I’m no hero. I put my bra on one boob at a time, just like everyone else.”
- “I’m a smart, strong, sensual woman.”
- “I’m just as good as any boy. I’m better than a boy. I’m better than all the boys!”
- “My heart just pooped its pants.”
- “I’m like a stop sign in the shape of a person.”
- “If you have a dream, you should follow it. Unless it’s about being eaten by a dinosaur.”
- “I’m no scientist, but I think Bob’s burgers are made out of meat.”
- “I’m in love with the boy next door. He has a nice smile, and he knows how to unhook a bra. I assume.”
- “I have to go now because my brain is making me do a dance called ‘The Pee-Pee Dance.'”
- “I don’t need a boy to pay attention to me. I’ll pay attention to myself, thank you very much.”
- “I want to be a famous writer, but I also want to be alive, so I’m conflicted.”
- “I’m no hero. I just put my bra on one boob at a time like everyone else.”
- “I have a very active fantasy life. And by active, I mean completely and totally imaginary.”
- “I’m just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It’s just… I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.”
Gene Belcher
Gene, the middle child, is a free spirit with a flair for musical humor and often delivers lines that are as eccentric as his personality:
- “I’m a smart, strong, sensual woman.”
- “My life is more difficult than anyone else’s on the planet, and yes I’m including starving children, so don’t ask!”
- “I don’t need a cape to be a hero. I just need the right shoes.”
- “I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is. It’s like mustard: You can’t have a hot dog without it.”
- “I’m a lover, not a fighter. Although I am willing to fight for love… or pizza.”
- “Life is like a burrito. It’s messy, but it’s full of good stuff.”
- “I’m not weird. I’m limited edition!”
- “When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in someone’s eyes.”
- “My life is a symphony, and I’m the one-man band.”
- “I’m a musical genius with a side of fries.”
- “I believe in love at first slice… of pizza.”
- “I may not be the strongest or the fastest, but I have the most enthusiasm!”
- “I’m like a human fart machine. Just call me the Gas Man.”
- “Life is like a song. Sometimes it’s a catchy tune, and sometimes it’s a little off-key.”
- “I’m a dreamer, and my dreams have dreams. They’re very ambitious dreams.”
- “I don’t need a stage to perform. Life is my stage, and I’m the star of the show.”
- “I’m just a kid with a big heart and an even bigger appetite for fun!”
Louise Belcher
Louise, the youngest Belcher, is a scheming and precocious child with a pink bunny-ear hat. Her unabashed assertiveness offers some of the show’s sharpest zingers:
- “If boys had uteruses, they’d be called duderuses.”
- “I smell fear on you.”
- “I’m an artist. I’m not in it for the money. I mean, obviously, I am, but I’m also in it for the money.”
- “I’m an organ donor, but only for certain organs. Like, I’m not giving up my belly button. I use it for my ‘outie’ trick.”
- “I was born to be a star! But if that doesn’t happen, I’ll just be a rockstar and make everybody deaf!”
- “Why be a king when you can be a god? I just made that up. I think.”
- “I think I’m just one of those people who is good at everything they try… even if they’ve never tried it before.”
- “I may not be the most popular guy, but at least I’m the most fun at parties… when people don’t leave early.”
- “I’m a musical prodigy. It’s like being regular prodigy, but with more cowbell.”
- “I was born with a gift, and that gift is called awesomeness.”
- “My keyboard is my instrument, and I’m a virtuoso of the fart sound.”
- “I have two moods: hungry and hungry with a side of cranky.”
- “Life is an endless series of missed opportunities and awkward moments.”
- “I’m like a shark. I have to keep moving, or I’ll die. Not really, but I get really bored.”
- “My body is a playground, but nobody wants to play on it.”
- “I’m just a boy with a dream of owning a ferret and being a famous DJ. Is that too much to ask?”
- “Life is a symphony, and I’m just trying to find the right key.”
“Bob’s Burgers” is a show that embraces its uniqueness, and these quotes only scratch the surface of its brilliant humor. Whether it’s Bob’s dry wit, Linda’s effervescent positivity, Tina’s awkward honesty, Gene’s eccentricity, or Louise’s cunning schemes, each character brings a distinct flavor to the comedy smorgasbord of “Bob’s Burgers.” Like a perfectly cooked burger, it’s the combination of these elements that makes the show so satisfying and keeps fans coming back for more.
How Well Do You Know Abba Quiz
The post Serving up Laughs: 90 Memorable Quotes from ‘Bob’s Burgers appeared first on NSF - Magazine.