Night Court Quotes: It follows Judge Abby Stone, who heads the night shift of a Manhattan courthouse and tries to bring order to her team.
Night Court Quotes
1 – “I prefer leaving the past in the past. If these walls could talk, they’d say, ‘Kill me.’” -Dan Fielding
2- “My job isn’t exactly fulfilling, so I gotta find ways to keep my brain from eating itself.” -Neil
3- “Oh, to try a case that doesn’t involve genitals. That’d be the dream.” -Olivia
4- “Oh, I’m not putting energy into making this place better. I’m trying to get out of here. This isn’t a job. It’s an escape room. “-Olivia
5- “What do you mean ‘what did they look like?’ They looked like killers! They were mean-lookin’ and they had noses and they had dark suits!” — Dan Fielding
6- “I’m not that kind of lawyer. I deal with evidence and precedent, not feelings, emotions, and ‘mommy didn’t hug me enough, so now I eat people.’” -Dan
7- “I like that you guys are bonding, but I wish it wasn’t over mocking my judicial philosophy.” -Abby
8- “Is there no poetry left in flirting? Earlier today, a woman yelled, ‘I’d like to climb that!’” -Dan Fielding
9- “I’ve never been a fan of soup. It’s sort of like hot juice.” -Dan Fielding
10- “Smelling like sausages does have its upside. Who doesn’t love a bunch of dogs following them around?” -Abby
11- “Leave it to you to take all the fun out of bending a corrupt system to your will.” -Dan Fielding
12 “Here’s a good rule of thumb. If you’re too scared to do something, I’m definitely too scared to do it.” -Neil
13 “I’m not a hero. I’m just a man who constantly does heroic things.” -Dan Fielding
14- “I hate kids. Just look at ‘em. Glowing with their big dreams and unearned confidence and overabundance of collagen. It’s just rude.” -Olivia
15- “You’re in luck, Judge, this court has the largest active VHS collection in the continental United States, and once Alaska falls, we’ll stand alone.” -Gurgs
16- “Meeting your heroes isn’t always great. When I was ten, I met my favorite astronaut. And she screamed and bit my hand. But in the Commander’s defense, she was a squirrel monkey.” -Dan Fielding
17- “What the hell is going on here? We’re only three cases in and we’ve already had a feminist werewolf, someone trying to break the time barrier, and what appears to be a classic body swap.” -Abby
18- “Now that we’ve achieved all our dreams, only Death awaits.” -Dan Fielding
19- “When I’m being ambushed, I expect pastries.” -Dan Fielding
20- “It’s time for The Littlest Lawyer to meet the Big Bad Bailiff.” — Roz
21- “I’ve never seen someone so thirsty to get on a podcast. And I have several friends whose spouses went missing after joining a cult.” -Gurgs
22- “This is not just some old metal detector. We called it Meg Ryan because prolonged exposure was known to melt people’s hearts.” -Dan Fielding
23- “Please let me out! I’m claustrophobic and agoraphobic, which means I’m seldom okay.” -Rand Fielding
24- “You may be younger, you may be faster, you may even be smarter. But you will never, ever, be crazier than me.” — Judge Harry T. Stone
25- “Rand and I have run some marathons back home. Upstate, they let horses run it too. Which I know doesn’t seem fair but it kept us motivated.” -Abby
26- “Thrupples, man. Someone always ends up crying in the bathroom.” -Gurgs
27- “I’m Dan Fielding. I’m tall, I’m a lawyer, I drive an expensive car. Do you believe in destiny? I do.” — Dan Fielding
28- “This was fun. We should have more conversations where I do all the talking.” -Dan Fielding
29- “Tell me all about the star battles. Fraggle rocks. If it contributed to your virginity, I want to know about it.” -Olivia
30- “The Big Apple needs a worm like Fielding!” — Phil Sanders
31- “Un-dirty-word-believable!” — Mac Robinson
32- “A chicken and waffle joint comes to mind.” — Dan Fielding
33- “Oh I got married in an Italian restaurant! What could possibly be more idiotic?” — Christine Sullivan
34- “If you weren’t born, Walt Disney would have to draw you.” — Dan Fielding
35- “I have stood next to death and people liked him better.” — Dan Fielding
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