1- Rick: “What about the reality where Hitler cured cancer, Morty? The answer is: Don’t think about it.”
2- Morty: “Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. We’re all going to die. Come watch TV.”
3- Rick: “Weddings are basically funerals with cake.”
4- Rick: There is no God, Summer. Gotta rip that band-aid off now you’ll thank me later
5- Rick: “You’re young, you have your whole life ahead of you, and your anal cavity is still taut yet malleable.”
6- Rick: “Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you but what people call “love” is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science”
7- Rick: I’ll tell you how I feel about school, Jerry: It’s a waste of time. Bunch of people runnin’ around bumpin’ into each other, got a guy up front says “2 + 2,” and the people in the back say, “4.” Then the bell rings and they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or somethin’. I mean, it’s not a place for smart people, Jerry. I know that’s not a popular opinion, but that’s my two cents on the issue.
8- Rick: “I turned myself into a pickle. I’m Pickle Riiiiick”
10- Rick: Listen, I’m not the nicest guy in the Universe because I’m the smartest. And being nice is something stupid people do to hedge their bets. Now, I haven’t been exactly subtle about how little I trust marriage. I couldn’t make it work, and I could turn a black hole into a sun, so at a certain point, you’ve got to ask yourself what are the odds this is legit and not just some big lie we’re all telling ourselves because we’re afraid to die alone? Because, you know, that’s exactly how we all die … alone. But … but … Here’s the thing. Birdperson is my best friend, and if he loves Tammy, well, then I love Tammy, too. [Cheers and applause] To friendship, to love, and to my greatest adventure yet … opening myself up to others.
11- Mr. Meeseeks: Having a family doesn’t mean that you stop being an individual. You know the best thing you can do for the people that depend on you? Be honest with them, even if it means setting them free.
12- Rick: What, so everyone’s supposed to sleep every single night now? Y-you realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?
14- Pickle Rick: Because I don’t respect therapy; because I’m a scientist; because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don’t like something about the world, I change it. And I don’t think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it’s helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind [belch] we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I’m not a cow. I’m a pickle — when I feel like it. So … you asked.”
21- Beth: “He’s not a hot girl. He can’t just bail on his life and set up shop in someone else’s.”
23- Rick: “It’s like the N word and the C word had a baby and it was raised by all the bad words for Jews.”
24- Rick: Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You lookin’ around and it’s all scary and different, but y’know … meeting them head-on, charging into ‘em like a bull — that’s how we grow as people.
25- Dr. Wong: Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it’s because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it’s your mind within your control. You chose to come here, you chose to talk to belittle my vocation, just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your universe, and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces. Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I’m bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it’s not an adventure. There’s no way to do it so wrong you might die. It’s just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people … well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose.”