1. “This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain to me again how sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.” – King Arthur, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
2. “Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.” – King Arthur, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
3. “What are you going to do, bleed on me?” – King Arthur, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
4. “I seek the bravest and the finest knights in the land who will join me in my court at Camelot.” – King Arthur, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
5. “You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine.” – King Arthur , ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
6. “The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king.” – King Arthur, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
7. “But if he was dying, he wouldn’t bother to carve ‘Aargh.’ He’d just say it.” – King Arthur, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
8. “What do you mean, an African or European swallow?” – King Arthur, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
9. “You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy.” – King Arthur, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
10. “It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!” – King Arthur, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
11. “O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery.” – King Arthur, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
12. “What manner of man are you, that can summon fire without flint or tinder?” – King Arthur, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
13. “On second thought, let’s not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.” – King Arthur, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
14. “And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, ‘O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.’” – Cleric, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
15. “Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.” – Cleric, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
16. “You’re foolin’ yourself! We’re living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class—.” – Dennis, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
17. “Oh, king eh? Very nice. And how’d you got that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.” – Dennis, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
18. “Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I’m being repressed!” – Dennis, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
19. “Oh, but you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.” – Dennis, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
20. “Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting light to our beacon. Which I’ve just remembered, is grail-shaped. It’s not the first time we’ve had this problem.” – Dingo, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
21. “There’s some lovely filth down here.” – Peasant Woman, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
22. “The Black Knights always triumph!” – Black Knight, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
23. “It’s just a flesh wound.” – The Black Knight, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
24. “It’s not a question of where he grips it! It’s a simple question of weight ratios! A five-ounce bird could not carry a one-pound coconut.” – Soldier With a Keen Interest in Birds, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
25. “Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right?” – Soldier With a Keen Interest in Birds, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
26. “She turned me into a newt!” – Angry Villager, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
27. “There are those who call me—Tim.” – Tim The Enchanter, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
28. “Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valor, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! – Tim The Enchanter, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
29. “Arthur, King of the Britons, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times.” – God, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
30. “We shall say ‘Ni!’ again to you if you do not appease us.” – Leader of the Knights Who Say Ni, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
31. “Look, it’s my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.” – Sir Galahad, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
32. “Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise—not only by surprise but totally unarmed!” – Sir Bedevere, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
33. “That, my liege, is how we know the earth to be banana-shaped.” – Sir Bedevere, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
34. “Bravely taking to his feet, he beat a very brave retreat. A brave retreat by brave Sir Robin.” – Minstrel, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
35. “We dine well here in Camelot. We eat ham and jam and Spam a lot.” – Knights of Camelot, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
36. “Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.” – Bridgekeeper, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
37. “I thought your son was a lady.” – Sir Lancelot, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
38. “You don’t frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called ‘Arthur King,’ you and all your silly English Knights.” – French Soldier, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
39. “No chance, English bedwetting types! I burst my pimples at you and call your door-opening request a silly thing, you tiny-brained wipers of other people’s bottoms!” – French Soldier, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
40. “I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.” – French Soldier, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
41. “You don’t frighten us with your silly knees-bent running around advancing behavior!” – French Soldier, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
42. “You must return here with a shrubbery. Or else you will never pass through these woods—alive.” – Leader of the Knights Who Say Ni, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
43. “Well, don’t. It’s just like those miserable psalms, always so depressing.” – God, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
44. “Every time I try to talk to someone it’s ‘sorry this’ and ‘forgive me that’ and ‘I’m not worthy.’” – God,‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
45. “Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let’s not bicker and argue over who killed who.” – King of Swamp Castle, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
46. “Listen, strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no system for a basis of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.” – Dennis, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
47. “Don’t like her? What’s wrong with her? She’s beautiful. She’s rich. She’s got huge—tracts of land” – King of Swamp Castle, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
48. “Bones of full 50 men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.” – Tim the Enchanter, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
49. “Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?” – Soldier, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
50. “-French Soldier: “I’m French. Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king?”
-Sir Galahad: “What are you doing in England?”
-French Soldier: “Mind your own business.” –‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
51. “-Swamp King: “One day all this will be yours!”
-Herbert: “What, the curtains?” –‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
52. “-Sir Bedevere: “Good. Now, why do witches burn?”
-Peasant 3: “Because they’re made of—wood?”
-Sir Bedevere: “Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?”
-Peasant 1: “Build a bridge out of her.” –‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
53. “-King Arthur: “Now, stand aside, worthy adversary.”
-Black Knight: “’Tis but a scratch.”
-King Arthur: “A scratch? Your arm’s off!”-‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
54. “-King Arthur: “I am your king.”
-Peasant Woman: “Well, I didn’t vote for you.”
-King Arthur: “You don’t vote for kings.” –‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
55. “-King Arthur: “I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside!”
-Black Knight: “I move for no man.” –‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
56. “-King Arthur: “Well I can’t just call you man.”
-Dennis: “Well you could say Dennis.”
-King Arthur: “I didn’t know you were called Dennis.”
-Dennis: “Well you didn’t bother to find out, did you?” –‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
57. “-Zoot: “Welcome, brave sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.”
-Sir Galahad: “The Castle Anthrax?”
-Zoot: “Yes—it’s not a very good name, is it? Oh, but we are nice, and we’ll attend to your every need. –‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
58. “-Dead Collector: “Bring out yer dead.”
-Man Carrying a Body: “Here’s one.”
-Dead Collector: “That’ll be ninepence.”
-Carried Man: “I’m not dead.” –‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
59. “We are the knights who say—Ni!” – Knight, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
60. “You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest—with—a herring!” – Knight, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.
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