We listed best Winston Schmidt Quotes from New Girl tv show.
1- “Probably not like… Okay, first of all, let’s take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave, where no one’s gonna find them. Ever.” – Winston Schmidt
2- “If you’re trying to seduce me, don’t dress up like my Aunt Frida at seder.” – Winston Schmidt
3- “You consider me a sexy man, correct?” – Winston Schmidt
4- “What the hell is wrong with you, Winston? It could fit the luggage of 9 Shelbys. It has the towing capacity of 1,000 Shelbys.” – Winston Schmidt
5- “Jess, you know what, I’ll let you check my lost and found…got sizes zero through ten.” – Winston Schmidt
6- “I am so sorry you had to hear about it like this. But can we take a minute to celebrate me? It’s like I’m having Indian every night!” – Winston Schmidt
7- “So what I need you to do is this. I need you to put vodka in a water bottle, ok? Then rendezvous with me in the restroom.” – Winston Schmidt
8- “Would you line up around the corner if the iPhone was called “the slippery germ brick”?” – Winston Schmidt
9- “Sum up the last two years? The country’s broke. Betty White came back.” – Winston Schmidt
10- “You’re listening to the radio and writing with a pen? What decade are we in?” – Winston Schmidt
11- “I’m the only one who hasn’t seen it!” – Winston Schmidt
12- “An Indian-Jewish baby? Who wouldn’t want that? Think about the bone structure!” – Winston Schmidt
13- “Jess, you can’t laugh at a naked man. And especially Nick. Nick is delicate. Like a flower. Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself.” – Winston Schmidt
14- “We made a caramel miracle!” – Winston Schmidt
15- “Well I can blanch or I can talk but I can’t do both!” – Winston Schmidt
16- “CeCe, she’s a foreigner. What do you think I am? An idiot?” – Winston Schmidt
17- “It’s our thing, Jess. Dudesgiving.” – Winston Schmidt
18- “Old people freak me out. With their hands and their legs. They’re like the people version of pleated pants.” – Winston Schmidt
19- “The most sexy holidays are the 4th of July, Independence day obviously. Women’s history month, and Christmas.” – Winston Schmidt
20- “Jess, first of all, you’re never gonna be old, humans are going to be immortal by 20
26. Second of all, give me your phone. You have backslider written all over you.” – Winston Schmidt
21- “Here’s another tip, don’t ask a guy out on a first date, on the least sexy holiday in America.” – Winston Schmidt
22- “I get that. Your business is selling sex. You’re a sex worker.” – Winston Schmidt
23- “I wanna let you know up front that I have some control issues in the kitchen. So if I’m gonna do this, I’m cooking the whole meal. I don’t want you touching anything. And I don’t want to hear Schmidt, Schmidt, you’re using too much tarragon.” – Winston Schmidt
24- “When Nick leaves, I’m gonna call a plumber and just throw money at him while he works.” – Winston Schmidt
25- “All I’m hearing is I can’t use my bathroom because you’re poor.” – Winston Schmidt
26- “Excuse me? Do you think this has been easy? To wash myself wearing a penis cast all summer?” – Winston Schmidt
27- “Lotus Bear Relax! I can smell it on you right now!” – Winston Schmidt
28- “Can you believe the zoo wouldn’t let me borrow their white tiger? I mean, the nerve! Philip Seymour Hoffman is going to be sitting at the back of the party thinking, “Look at that guy. He couldn’t even get a big cat”.” – Winston Schmidt
29- “Yea, DOY, it’s a SCISSOR…Yeah a scissor that you just threw in the TURDLET.” – Winston Schmidt
30- “Winston, your sister got so hot! I’m gonna have to Shaq attack her! May I have your blessing? Because I’m gonna be like dribbling up the court, illegal sexual foul – boom! Illegal use of hands – boom!” – Winston Schmidt
31- “Are you like a Bond villain? You just told me your whole plan.” – Winston Schmidt
32- “1. Marie Antoinette. 2 Cleopatra 3. Young Ann Margret 4. Old Ann Margret -” – Winston Schmidt
33- “I saw your registry. I’m gonna get you one of those portable baby pumps. You’re just out there, in everyday life. But you’re pumping yourself at the same time, just milking away.” – Winston Schmidt
34- “Winston, you’ve been staring at this girl for 5 minutes. Please tell me you’re checking her out, otherwise you’re a serial killer, which would explain a lot.” – Winston Schmidt
35- “Winston, you better watch it, man, because I will take you down. I had figure skating lessons until I was 13, and then my mom sobered up and realized I was a boy. Let’s do this!” – Winston Schmidt
36- “If you track my trajectory I’m gonna live to a 123 years old. Hello, Robot Sex.” – Winston Schmidt
37- “It’ll be a good opportunity for you to some networking, help with the job search. I’m telling you, everybody’s hittin’ the ‘nog, having a good time, letting loose, you swoop in there, and then, boom! New job, man. That’s how things work. You know, Benjamins in your pocket, la pension, the four-to-the-O-to-the-one-to-the-K!” – Winston Schmidt
38- “In our home? Over my turtle disease-ridden dead body.” – Winston Schmidt
39- “I have a really bad case of Santa Lap. The entire marketing department is wearing wool. It’s not good down there.” – Winston Schmidt
40- “It wasn’t a grunt, it was a hrmph.” – Winston Schmidt
41- “Kim, I’m not a sex object. All right, I’m your employee. I work harder than anyone. I’m the first one to show up every morning.” – Winston Schmidt
42- “Without sex, she’s not your girlfriend. She’s a friend you buy meals for.” – Winston Schmidt
43- “Marry Christmas, Brendan, don’t swallow these. Love, Uncle Nick?” – Winston Schmidt
44- “I may not be Abraham Lincoln. But I witnessed the emancipation of one black guy tonight.” – Winston Schmidt
45- “I hope you appreciate that I have kept eye contact with you the whole time and have made to reference to the fact that you are basically naked.” – Winston Schmidt
46- “There’s a fine line between sexual harassment and something awesome.” – Winston Schmidt
47- “Kim, I’m not gonna be sexy Santa anymore. It’s over. Santa’s dead. I killed him.” – Winston Schmidt
48- “We sold our qualms. We used the profits to buy perfect bodies.” – Winston Schmidt
49- “I can never get the voice. I never felt I had the authority.” – Winston Schmidt
50- “I feel like our bodies really made something. Like we brought manufacturing jobs back to America.” – Winston Schmidt
51- “No cinco de Sexy.” – Winston Schmidt
52- “You are a gynecologist and a lesbian. This makes you a vagenius.” – Winston Schmidt
53- “Coincidentally, I’m wearing my lap dance pants!” – Winston Schmidt
54- “I can’t believe I have to have feelings to have good sex. I thought I’d be dead before that happened.” – Winston Schmidt
55- “Damn it! I can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!” – Winston Schmidt
56- “I’d put it in a bowl and eat your hair.” – Winston Schmidt
57- “Guess whose personalized condoms just arrived!” – Winston Schmidt
58- “You my boo and I been missing you. I been missing you oh so long.” – Winston Schmidt
59- “Can someone please get my towel? It’s in my room next to my Irish walking cape!” – Winston Schmidt
60- “Everybody hates the Jews! Your mom’s in the majority! I’ll convert to Indianism!” – Winston Schmidt
61- “What if I ate my own hair and pooped out a wig?” – Winston Schmidt
62- “He’s a player. Why would a good looking person ever become a doctor?” – Winston Schmidt
63- “It is a sexually charged, zero gravity tea ceremony!” – Winston Schmidt
64- “I don’t celebrate Christmas, or as I like to call it, “White Anglo Saxon Winter Privilege Night.”” – Winston Schmidt
65- “This is a horrible neighborhood. There are youths everywhere!” – Winston Schmidt
66- “There’s two of you! I thought we were in the middle of a budget crisis!” – Winston Schmidt
67- “Twirly? Is that like horny?” – Winston Schmidt
68- “Let’s let Winston turn on his black switch. And let his black light shine.” – Winston Schmidt
69- “I’m like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.” – Winston Schmidt
70- “You were so light and charming you were like Pixar Winston.” – Winston Schmidt
71- “I’m gonna go take a shower with Nick’s bar soap like a common ranch hand.” – Winston Schmidt
72- “I wanna be the black friend you never had.” – Winston Schmidt
73- “Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It’s the wood of poor people and outhouses.” – Winston Schmidt
74- “Nick, please do not angry-fix the sink.” – Winston Schmidt
75- “I’m gonna have to run all the way home, and I have my slipperiest loafers on!” – Winston Schmidt
76- “Let’s concentrate on the smite later.” – Winston Schmidt
77- “We can form an Ocean’s Twelve. I will be Brad Pitt. You will be the crafty Asian who does the flippies.” – Winston Schmidt
78- “I had only sari related sexual ideas. Monsoon Bedding, Best Erotic Maribone Hotel,Slumdoggy Style Millionaire!” – Winston Schmidt
79- “I know what my pogo is. It’s that I dance like a sea snake.” – Winston Schmidt
80- “Winston said you make fun of my gremlin toenails. That you call them clickety-clacks or centaur boots.” – Winston Schmidt
81- “They make shoes for your penis! They’re called pants!” – Winston Schmidt
82- “Dammit! Been trying to get something going with myself for a full hour. It’s like a taffy pole on a hot summer’s day.” – Winston Schmidt
83- “Get your crap together, India. Schmidt… out!” – Winston Schmidt
84- “Destiny might be a lady, but victory has a penis.” – Winston Schmidt
85- “There are plenty of things to be down about–the deficit, air pollution in China, “The Hobbit” wasn’t very good…” – Winston Schmidt
86- “Don’t laugh when they call him “responsible,” they don’t know why it’s hilarious.” – Winston Schmidt
87- “Maybe none of us should go to this funeral. The early buzz on this thing is it’s gonna be a real drag.” – Winston Schmidt
88- “My face touched the mustache of a corpse today, Bobby. I’m not afraid of you.” – Winston Schmidt
89- “Please take that off, you look like a homeless pencil.” – Winston Schmidt
90- “I can do anything I put my mind to. I once figured out Alyssa Milano’s phone number just by randomly choosing numbers.” – Winston Schmidt
91- “I’m going on a date with Elizabeth tonight. I haven’t had sex with her since I was fat and accessing my penis was like getting a remote control out of the couch.” – Winston Schmidt
92- “It’s only romantic because it’s a wedding. I’d be just as happy to sabotage, I don’t know, let’s say, her tax audit.” – Winston Schmidt
93- “Look at this puzzle. It’s “ages 6 and up.” You are “up,” Winston. You are very “up.”” – Winston Schmidt
94- “I wouldn’t even begin to know how to steal a swag.” – Winston Schmidt
95- “Enjoy the break-up. If you need me, I’ll be in my room, listening to some mainstream hip-hop.” – Winston Schmidt
96- “So yeah, I was dating them both at the same time. I’m a mess, I can’t sleep, I urinate constantly. I cried the other day listening to a techno song. My tweets have been extremely literal.” – Winston Schmidt
97- “I’m a hero Nick, just tell me I’m a good man. I really need to hear it.” – Winston Schmidt
98- “I just got a treat, too. It’s not candy. I’m not a dumb little baby like you.” – Winston Schmidt
99- “My mom? You’re going to tell me that my mom helped me with my public erections? I drew pictures!” – Winston Schmidt
100- “She’s on a flip-phone. That means she’s either poor, or a time traveler!” – Winston Schmidt
101- “She’s looking for career advice, and your job could be done by a vending machine.” – Winston Schmidt
102- “A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I’m gonna take back that last one.” – Winston Schmidt
103- “Prince is terrible at Frisbee.” – Winston Schmidt
104- “Fellas, you made it! As promised, here’s a coupon for a free sub.” – Winston Schmidt
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