1- “Air Force One is much better than any plane that anyone else has anywhere. You can start a nuclear war from Air Force One. That’s how great it is.” -Selina Meyer
2- “Jonah with money! God almighty, it’s like if Hitler could fly!” -Selina Meyer
3- “Get the government out of my fucking snatch.” -Selina Meyer
4- “Whoo! Council Bluffs, lowa, here we are! Exactly 20 minutes from Omaha.” -Selina Meyer
5- “Every woman knows a little bit about the author Ayn Rand that she learned from the worst boyfriend she ever had.” -Selina Meyer
6- “Yale pulled out without even coming on my t**s? Things sure have changed since I went to college.” -Selina Meyer
7- “Don’t give me that Quaker in a titty bar look.” -Selina Meyer
8- “Well, the history books are being rewritten, and this time, it’s not Texas saying Satan made fossils.” -Selina Meyer
9- “I don’t have room in my head for yogurt.” -Selina Meyer
10- “The thing most people don’t realize is that neediness is actually a form of strength. In many respects, it is the greatest form of strength, because when you are needy, you make it clear what you need from others. And setting clear expectations for others is one of the most effective ways to assert power over them.” -Selina Meyer
11- “Ya, now look at me. I have a dick and balls, ok?” -Selina Meyer
12- “I need to show that I’m a lone, fierce she-wolf.” -Selina Meyer
13- “From the moment I have left office, it has been nothing but a giant slalom down Mount McRimjob, brown diamond.” -Selina Meyer
14- “What are you laughing at, Jolly Green Jizzface?” -Selina Meyer
15- “And yet it is within the powers of a boring book to bore even the mind of God, as God well knows.” -Selina Meyer
16- “I spewed out so much bullshit, I’m gonna need a mint.” -Selina Meyer
17- “Hey, Gary, how come your family doesn’t have a Mongoloid kid on the porch playing banjo?” -Selina Meyer
18- “Look at my neck. I have pardoned turkeys with fewer waddles. My neck does not look like that.” -Selina Meyer
19- “I’m going to throw up a leg.” -Selina Meyer
20- “A suck-up isn’t going to fix a fuck-up.” -Selina Meyer
21- “Well, I guess I will have to think outside my box.” -Selina Meyer
22- “Politics is about people.” -Selina Meyer
23- “This ass is closed for business. This ass is in clench-down.” -Selina Meyer
24- “I mean, that book would fly off the shelves. People would pay whatever it is a book costs, you know?” -Selina Meyer
25- “I don’t know what this is. Is it something that you eat or is it something you already ate?” -Selina Meyer
26- “The men get the situation room, I get the shituation room?” -Selina Meyer
27- “Last time I checked, my political career had answered a Craigs List ad for a modeling shoot in the Angeles National Forest.” -Selina Meyer
28- “Beer makes me so gassy.” -Selina Meyer
29- “It’s like six degrees of Al-Qaeda in here. I hope we don’t drone this place while we’re in it.” -Selina Meyer
30- “What is that skirt? Is it a rug?” -Selina Meyer
31- “I mean, honestly, that is the most grotesque country I have ever been to… and I have been all over Florida.” -Selina Meyer
32- “Dan, you’re going to have to clean up your own shitty diaper.” -Selina Meyer
33- “Oh, this is not gonna stand. This election’s going down like Eleanor Roosevelt at Dinah Shore Weekend.” -Selina Meyer
34- “Who else has a bucketful of senators?” -Selina Meyer
35- “We need a Jonah whisperer, except somebody who’s gonna, like, yell in his face and call him stupid.” -Selina Meyer
36- “God, there’s so many people in here. It’s like a Mormon orgy.” -Selina Meyer
37- “I’ve got to call all of these Congress people. Whip the vote. You understand that. Mommy’s got to whip. Whip it good.” -Selina Meyer
38- “Settle something for me, Jonah. You like to have sex and you like to travel? Then you can fuck off.” -Selina Meyer
39- “Nevada is my state. I’m gonna be president. I’m gonna be the first elected lady president. I’m gonna have a lovely inauguration. Billy Joel is gonna sing. So you guys have to stop the recount.” -Selina Meyer
40- “I was married to a Devil Dog, but he wasn’t a Marine. He was more of a devil.” -Selina Meyer
41- “I’m going to be President. I’m going to be the first elected lady President. I’m going to have a lovely inauguration. Billy Joel is going to sing. So, you guys have to stop the recount.” -Selina Meyer
42- “I’m gonna be the sexiest woman to ever exude fiscal prudence. And you know what? That’s a very fucking tough look to pull off.” -Selina Meyer
43- “Charlie says O’Brien won’t go down on his wife without biscuits and gravy.” -Selina Meyer
44- “You have made a fuckup the size of France and you are fucking grinning about it.” -Selina Meyer
45- “Every difficult conversation starts with a sentence.” -Selina Meyer
46- “It’s this election has just been brutal on me. My eyelids are seriously starting to look like Keith Richards’s ball sack.” -Selina Meyer
47- “Gary, this is taking longer than it did for them to paint my fucking pool house.” -Selina Meyer
48- “Cause I’ve met some people, ok? Real people. And a lot of them are fucking idiots.” -Selina Meyer
49- “Please, Catherine, stop with the whining, all right? You’re gonna shatter the bulletproof glass in here.” -Selina Meyer
50- “I’m the Vice President of the United States, you stupid little fuckers! These people should be begging me! That door should be half its height so that people can only approach me in my office on their goddamn, motherfucking knees!” -Selina Meyer
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