Frasier Tv Series Quotes
Mel: “So, after all these years of doing tummy tucks and liposuctions, I can look at a fully clothed person and see exactly what they look like naked. I can see every sag, droop, ripple and pucker. It’s like X-ray vision.”
Frasier Crane: “Nothing says “party” like a tracheotomy! “
Frasier: “My God, it’s a recipe for disaster! You’ve got a vulnerable woman and an unstable man in a Gothic mansion on a rainy night! The only thing missing is someone shouting ‘Heathcliff!’ across the moors!
Frasier: “In the end what We regret most are the chances We never took”
Niles Crane: “Whenever you see a man who’s well groomed, you can bet he’s not getting any. “
Frasier Crane: “What we need is a good opening sentence. Something that will smack the reader right between the eyes, and then take him on a virtual roller-coaster ride of self-awareness and discovery.”
Frasier Crane: “There’s one area where no one has ever bested me – homework! “
Roz Doyle: “‘Mature’ means old, ‘athletic’ means flat chested and ‘not model thin’ means circus fat. “
Roz Doyle: “The whole point of gossip is to talk behind the person’s back, not in front of them; I didn’t realize you were unclear on this concept!”
Martin: “Let’s see. One of my sons just got picked up by a guy. My other son is jealous. Yep, life is good!”
Niles: “My brother is too kind. He was already eminent, while my eminence was merely… imminent.”
Frasier Crane: “My God, woman, I’d drive a stake through your heart but I don’t think anything could kill you!”
Frasier Crane: “You were 15 before you realized there was a correlation between getting beaten up every day and going to school wearing a panama hat. “
Frasier Crane: “In elementary school, I made an ashtray for Dad. It caught fire.”
Roz: “If you ask me, it’s divorced people you want to watch out for. If someone’s never been married, it might just mean they’re a careful shopper, whereas your divorce will buy any old piece of fruit without even giving it a squeeze first.”
Frasier Crane: “Great! An entire science devoted to Hitler and Sybil.”
Frasier Crane: “I’ve been trying to console myself with the fact that without embarrassing parents there’d be no psychology. “
Jen: “That’s why I’m going to Vietnam – Americans have never heard of it!”
Niles Crane: “The scariest words of my childhood were: “Your father needs your help in the basement.”
Frasier: “I’m a humane man, but right now I could kick a kitten through an electric fan.”
Frasier: “Life is a banquet!”
Ronee: “I’m gonna take a little break. Try not to kill yourselves from disappointment.”
Niles Crane: “Am I dressed appropriately for something called Bananarama?”
Martin: “Time to cleanse my palette – I’m gonna get a beer. “
Niles Crane: “Every time I look outside, I feel like I’m living inside a clown’s pocket. “
Niles Crane: “It smells like a fish died and all the other fish sent flowers.”
Niles: “My taekwondo instructor says I’m just two moves away from becoming quite threatening.”
Frasier Crane: “I’ll show you how to make ginger ale look like 50 year old brandy. “
Niles Crane: “I keep the thermostat at a steady 71, but I’m flexible within a degree or two”
Niles: “I really must run. I’m due at my sexual addiction group, and I don’t like to leave them alone for too long.”
Niles: “You unprincipled charlatan! You unconscionable fraud!”
Frasier Crane: “Niles, whatever’s wrong the answer doesn’t lie at the bottom of an espresso cup.”
Niles Crane: “I have to see this play – I have to have people see me see this play. “
Niles Crane: “I have a session with my multiple personality. Not to worry: if I’m late, he can just talk amongst himself.”
Niles Crane: “I’ve been parallel parking all week without power steering. “
Frasier Crane: “30 minutes of psychobabble which could be reduced to one phrase – rain, rain, go away! “
Frasier Crane: “Who’d have thought that spying on a man’s girlfriend and rifling his underwear drawer could turn so ugly.”
Frasier: “We’ve got to plan for it. We must all be prepared when the cold hand of death comes knocking on our door.”
Niles Crane: “Are you quite finished undressing him with your eyes?”
Niles Crane: “This lunch is a culinary Hindenburg! “
Frasier Crane: “The woman has virtually no pigmentation. Three minutes in the sun and she’d sear like an ahi tuna!”
Niles: “All my life I have dreamed of one thing: the day I could go into a library, go to the card catalogue and see my name under “Mental Illness.””
Niles Crane: “Someone certainly has a high opinion of their opinion. “
Frasier Crane: “Fewer nuts, more money – something I’ve been aspiring to my entire professional life. “
Frasier Crane: “Not one more deceitful word… your tongue could open a wine bottle!”
Niles Crane: “The only things we Crane boys are skilled at catching are sarcastic nuances and the occasional virus.”
Niles Crane: “Hundreds of radio psychiatrists all in the same location – one well timed avalanche and the reputation of the entire psychiatric profession could be restored. “
Roz Doyle: “I’ve been down this road so many times I call it ‘The Roz Expressway.’”
Niles: “Ah, there he is! The man who floats like a lepidoptera and stings like a hymenoptera!”
Niles: ” “Well, no wonder you’re heartbroken; you’ve just lost the only woman you could even possibly sometime down the line perhaps fall in love with. I’m surprised the country music people haven’t jumped all over this one!”
Frasier Crane: “You sound like my father – a man who believes burial is a form of age discrimination. “
Frasier Crane: “What else would you expect from a woman who thinks her chocolate allergy entitles her to park in a handicapped space.”
Martin: “You know the best thing about getting old? Your hair may turn grey, your joints may stiffen, you may even have to walk with a cane, but people still ask you to help them move.”
Frasier: “I’m basically your stuffy, buttoned down sort of guy, you’re a free-spirited, adventurous mouse-painting, moon-howling sort of girl!”
Niles Crane: “The plumber has been called, the wine has been chilled – suddenly my life makes sense again. “
Frasier: “No matter how provoked you may have been, there is no earthly justification for setting someone’s lawn on fire!”
Roz Doyle: “If you ask me, celebrating a dance that brings more snakes into the world is like toasting a law school graduation.”
Niles Crane: “All my life I have dreamed of one thing – to walk into a library, look through the card catalog and see my name under mental illness.”
Frasier Crane: “Sleep is for people without social lives. “
Frasier: “It may be an unwise man who doesn’t learn from his own mistakes, but it’s an absolute idiot that doesn’t learn from other people’s.”
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