Andy Taylor : “Well, that’s a fine day’s work. You’ve outsmarted justice and you’ve made a mockery of this court, and you’ve turned three people against me that I would have sworn would never leave my side. Oh, I can understand a shiny, autographed baseball turning a little boy’s head, but I am a little disappointed in Floyd, and I’m real disappointed in my deputy. He’s a law officer and ought to know better. Congratulations, ma’am. Been quite a day’s work.”
Barney Fife: “Boy, giraffes are selfish.”
Andy Taylor : “I don’t know why I am always gettin’ my britches caught on my own pitchfork.”
Barney Fife: “They don’t do things that way anymore. This is the Age of Science Know-How, electronal marvels.”
Floyd Lawson : “I always enjoy cutting Barney’s hair. His ears kind of wing out and it gives you room to work.”
Barney Fife: “Inkem binkem notamus rex, protect us all from the man with the hex.”
Newton Munroe: “Sheriff, you gave me the confidence I needed! I found out I’m not inept! I’m ept!”
Andy Taylor: “What’s small potatoes to some folks can be mighty important to others”
Andy Taylor: “When a man carries a gun all the time, the respect he thinks he’s getting might really be fear. So I don’t carry a gun because I don’t want the people of Mayberry to fear a gun. I’d rather they respect me.”
Andy Taylor : “I once knew a horse that didn’t even know how to fix a sore finger. Played a great guitar, but was nothin’ with first aid.”
Ernest T. Bass: “If a duck stood still you could catch him by the bill.”
Andy Taylor : “Oh, Aunt Bee, what they got in mind for me is as clear as the nose on a warthog’s face.”
Sheriff Andy Taylor: “Somewhere wandering loose around Mayberry is… A loaded goat.”
Ernest T. Bass: “I don’t chew my cabbage twice. And you ain’t heard the last of Ernest T. Bass!”
Barney Fife: “If there’s anything that upsets me, it’s having people say I’m sensitive.”
Barney Fife: “If there’s anything that upsets me, it’s having people say I’m sensitive.”
Barney Fife: “Nip it!”
Deputy Barney Fife: “On this job there’s only two kinds of cops: the quick and the dead!”
Floyd Lawson: “Wretch, wretch! Deceitful wretch!”
Barney Fife: “Gentlemen, I give you science in action. Proof-positive the camera does not lie; it sees all, tells all.”
Andy Taylor : “Well, what would ANY husband say to his widow? Thank her for the nice funeral she gave you, for the kind words on your headstone. Why, you got a lot to talk about. Look alive, now.”