New Girl Tv Series Quotes
Jess: “I’m only attracted to guys who are afraid of success and think someone famous stole their idea. “
Cece: “I got your text. When you’re going through a “Taylor Swift-like range of emotions,” I should come over, right?”
Jess: “I’m probably fine. But I also might be dead. “
Schmidt: “You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost.”
Nick: “Lying makes me sweat. That’s why I can’t play poker or talk to pregnant women. “
Jess:”Nick doesn’t have a life plan- he doesn’t even have a day plan. I once found a note that he wrote to himself that said, ‘put on pants'”
Jess: “Everything you say sounds really creepy when you’re not wearing pants. “
Jess: “I want passion. Even if it’s harder and hurts more.”
Schmidt: “If pot were a piano, Nick would be a 9-year-old Chinese girl.”
Winston: “Eye of the Tiger” is the greatest song ever written. It’s so cool, it ended the Cold War!
Winston: “I’m the best with pranks. They call me Prank Sinatra! “
Jess: “Pink wine makes me slutty.”
Schmidt: “Damp towel. Damp! Its like a really big wet nap. I feel like I’m being licked by a golden retriever!”
Schmidt: “I had figure skating lessons till I was 13, then my mom sobered up and realized I was a boy. “
Jess: “I feel like a fat man is sitting on my uterus!”
Jess: “Nick isn’t even a man. He’s some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day I had to tell him not to pull a dog’s tail.”
Nick: “You can’t turn the sink on when someone’s in the shower, this isn’t some fancy hotel!”
Schmidt: “If you need me, I’ll be in my room, listening to some mainstream hip-hop. “
Schmidt: “Well Nick I’m out of tears, plumb out. Now all that’s left is just yellowish goo, that’s right Nick, goo”
Coach: “If anything’s cute about Winston, it’s his yawn.”
Jess: “If any of you cross me, I’m gonna kick the testicles clean off your body, clean off. You’ll look like Ken dolls down there!”
Winston: “You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost!”
Schmidt: “I may not actually be Abraham Lincoln, but I witnessed the emancipation of one black guy tonight… from a terrible relationship.”
Nick: “My funeral is my time to shine! “
Nick: “I want to kill you…because I respect you. I think I understanding hunting!”
Nick : “I am 30 years old and I’ve peed in every pool I’ve been into. Every single one. “
Winston: “I’m pretty sure they call her ‘The Fish’ because she’s tough, but fair, like a lot of fish I’ve met.”
Jess: ” You’re making a huge, life-ruining mistake by moving in with a woman who turned you into an agoraphobic, turtle-faced, borderline alcoholic.”
Nick: “I fell in love with Jess the minute she walked through the door. “
Nick Miller: “I like getting older. I feel like I’m finally aging into my personality. “
Schmidt: “Winston, if you think those shoes are brown, what color do you think you are?”
Nick: “I don’t dance! I’m from that town in “Footloose.” “
Nick Miller: “I don’t deal with exes they’re a part of the past. You burn them swiftly and give their ashes to Poseidon! “
Schmidt: “I’m like a Hebrew cheetah.”
Winston : “Are we eating or are we not eating?”
Nick: “20 year-old girls! They’re awesome! They don’t know what “Saved by the Bell” is and they’ve never felt pain!”
Nick: “You gave me a cookie, I gave you a cookie.”
Schmidt: “I’m like a sexual snowflake, each night with me is a unique experience.”
Nick: “You’re a big girl, you can watch Walking Dead alone. “
Schmidt: “Hey, M. Night Shyamalan. I’ve got a twist ending for you: shut up.”
Winston : “If I were off my rocker, would I take a weekly selfie with my cat?”
Nick: “I’m like a mail man but instead of mail, it’s hot sex that I deliver.”
Jess: “I might as well call you “Bridge to Terabithia” because you make children cry! “
Coach: “Keep running or I will murder your family!”
Schmidt: “Sick people wanted me, dying people wanted to be me–I was the total candy stripping package!”
Jess :”I’m totaling my assets. It’s really bleak.”
Coach: “I wanna choke you until your eyes literally pop out of your head.”
Jess: “I’m always the one who loves more. That’s my thing”
Nick: “Life sucks. Then it gets better. Then it sucks again. “
Coach: “Can’t spell sex without the ‘ex.'”
Schmidt: “Schmidt happens.”
Cece : “I’m using my bride card!”
Jess: “Nick doesn’t have a life plan- he doesn’t even have a day plan. I once found a note that he wrote to himself that said, ‘put on pants'”
Nick: “I bought 10,000 minutes in 1999 and I’m still using them. “
Nick: “If you were a hat, you’d be a top hat. But like a really big Monopoly one. And I say that with deepest compliments.”
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