1- Amy : “If there is any dirty trick I cannot stand, it is honesty.”
2- Jonah : “I like my bourbon like I like my women: 18 years old and wet.”
3- Kent : You are going to change America in a way that usually only war and fluoride can.”
4- Selina : “If men got pregnant you could get an abortion at an ATM.”
5- Amy : “Some paper is calling you the Euro-phobic Khaleesi from DC.”
6- Selina : “Don’t give me that Quaker-in-a-titty-bar-look.”
7- Jonah : “I’m like herpes! I’m a MRSA infection! You don’t get rid of Jonah Ryan!”
8- Selina : “Please God, deliver Jonah to Congress and then give him any kind of cancer, I don’t care.”
9- Jonah: Someone has just flown two planes into my career.
10- Selina: I’ve got to get out of here before I set fire to one of these nerds.
11- Will: I move as slowly as a Mississippi detective investigating the murder of a young black man.
12- Jonah: You think you’ve seen the end of Jonah Ryan? You haven’t even seen the start of Jonah Ryan! I’m leaving here with my head held high, and my nuts hanging low on your mom’s chin, Martin.
13- Dan: More apologizing, really? I apologized less after banging my brother’s fiancé.
14- Jeff : “No, I am the one who got us this far, you sentient enema.”
15- Selina : “What in the wide world of f–k do you think you’re wearing.”
16- Dan: Time to robust a nut all over this place.”
17- Jonah : “It’s my personality that has gotten us this far.”
18- Selina : “Can I really blame another country for something they didn’t do?”
19- Selina : “Why don’t you put on your running shoes and get to the f–king point, Jonah?”
20- Amy: You know, they say all babies are cute, but whoever they are should be stuck in a stroller and pushed into traffic.
21- Amy: You have more nervous tics than a shoe bomber.
22- Dan: Was your mom plagiarizing the Bible when she said, “Oh God, oh God”?
23- Selina: Well, I have huge news. In fact, I guarantee you that my news is front-page news. Your news is probably more like a page six, Kardashian crap news.
24- Selina : Europe used to be my favorite continent. Now it’s not even in my Top-5.
25- Mike: Jonah. Jonah, calm down. It’s a plane with a logo. It’s not Space Mountain. What the hell do you do on Air Force One, rub your dick on the seats?