Bender : Oh my god. I’m so excited I wish I could wet my pants!
Bender : Life is hilariously cruel.
Bender :Robots don’t have any emotions and sometimes that makes me very sad
Zapp Brannigan : Now that’s a wave of destruction that’s easy on the eyes.
Leela : You say that those brains are making everyone on Earth stupid. Oh… stupider.
Fry : Of all the parasites I’ve had over the years, these worms are among the best.
Fry : I’m not a robot! I don’t like having discs crammed into me; unless they’re Oreos. And then, only in the mouth.
Bender : Blackmail’s such an ugly word. I prefer extortion; the “x” makes it sound cool.
Bender : I can’t afford to keep running people over. I’m not famous enough to get away with it.
Bender : That probulator really knows how to please a man.
Fry : I thought Ultimate Robot Fighting was real, like pro wrestling; but it turns out it’s fixed, like boxing.
Bender : Problem solved. You two fight to the death and I’ll cook the loser.
Bender : I personalized each of your meals. For example, Amy: you’re cute, so I baked you a pony.
Professor Farnsworth : It’s funny, you live in the universe but you never do these things until someone comes to visit.
Leela : After fourteen years of graduate school Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist. Fast cars, trendy nightspots, beautiful women… the professor designed them all, working out of his tiny one-room apartment.
Bender : Compare your lives to mine and kill yourselves.
Bender :The cruelty of the old pharoah is a thing of the past! Let a whole new wave of cruelty wash over this lazy land!
Dr. Zoidberg : Scalpel… blood bucket… priest. Next patient!
Zapp Brannigan : Oh God, you’re killing me. OH GOD YOU’RE KILLING ME!
Zapp Brannigan : Don’t be such a a chicken, Kif! Teenagers all smoke and they seem pretty on the ball.
Bender : If you want children beaten, you’ve got to do it yourself.
Fry : In my time we didn’t depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn’t need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes, we just used a washing machine!
Morbo : Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering!
Lurr : We will raise your planet’s temperature by one million degrees per day for five days unless…
Bender : Computer dating: it’s just like pimping except you rarely have to use the term ‘upside your head’.
Bender : Don’t talk like that; tragic romances always have a happy ending.
Bender : I’m gonna drink ’til I reboot.
Hermes : Kudos, Bender! You got mangled and became a singer. Both our dreams came true.
Bender : If they put me on a stamp… tell them to use the young Bender.
Zapp Brannigan : If we can hit that bull’s-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.
Leela : I always knew I’d die at the bottom of a pit, but a pit full of tar?
Zapp Brannigan : In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.
Professor Farnsworth : If you kill anyone make sure to eat their heart; to gain their courage. Their rich, tasty courage. Yum yum.
Fry : Alright, alright. If it’ll make you happy I’ll overthrow society.
Bender : I’m a fraud. A poor, lazy, sexy fraud.
Fry : Poor Bender. Without his brain he’s become all quiet and helpful.
Amy : think cosmetic surgery is great! I used to be too cute, but then I had cuteness reduction surgery *here* and *here*.
Bender : He’s a loser; he’s the lobster equivalent of Fry.
Zapp Brannigan : Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air.
Bender : Bite my shiny metal ass.