1- Joel Hammond : Someday, if you have kids, and you get a virus and start killing people, you’ll appreciate how well your mother and I are doing.
2- Joel Hammond : Well, we can’t start killing people. We’re getting life back to normal. And killing people isn’t normal, sweetheart.
3- Joel Hammond : I lost you once. That was enough.
4- Sheila Hammond : The undead can’t eat the undead. They’re too… dead.
5- Joel Hammond : When you love someone, that doesn’t matter. Because it’s not about what you give up, it’s about what you get.
6- Sheila Hammond : By dying, we get to be the people we’ve always wanted to be. I like who I am now.
7- Joel Hammond : It felt good not to kill Ramona. I like not killing people. I’ve always liked it. I just forgot how much.
8- Joel Hammond : I found pictures of a few women, but they were taken from inside a toilet, so probably not serious relationships.
9- Sheila Hammond : Everyone is afraid of change, but when life is screaming, “This is your new truth,” you need to accept it. Be bold, be brave, and live your new truth, no matter what it is.
10- Joel Hammond : It’s kind of ironic. The more care you put into a murder, the harsher society judges you.
11- Sheila Hammond : You’re the best husband an undead wife could ever ask for.
12- Eric Bemis : When you bottle up your feelings, they come out in other ways.
13- Sheila Hammond : I think being separated from your penis has made you a better man.
14- Sheila Hammond : Here’s the deal with life. No matter how much we want to control it, we can’t always know where it’s going to take us.
15- Sheila Hammond : If you miss eating pizza, eat a man who just ate pizza.
16- Sheila Hammond : See? You were wondering if we were bad people. But only good people would do a favor for the severed head of their victim.
17- Joel Hammond : Just because something’s changed doesn’t mean it’s not still beautiful.
18- Joel Hammond : So there’s not a cure, and the partial cure might not even work because we’re too late, and Sheila’s not a rat. But the good news is I get to make an elderly woman throw up in a bucket, which might be a turn-on for some people, but it’s not my thing. Yet! Who knows? The night is young!
19- Eric Bemis : There’s a million things I’ve had done to me. But I did all of them myself. Actually, it’s just one thing a million times.
20- Joel Hammond : I just stuffed a man in a meat freezer. Cross that off my bucket list.
21- Joel Hammond : It’s always the people you least expect that do the worst things.
22- Sheila Hammond : It’s just really disappointing. Even dead men and women can’t be friends.
23- Sheila Hammond : I just threw up. Like a fair amount.
24- Sheila Hammond : New lesson: if at first you don’t succeed, then blast his ass with tear gas.
25- Eric Bemis : If life has taught me anything, it’s that human emotion is all about fairness.
26- Joel Hammond : Teenagers. They even make the apocalypse about them.
27- Eric Bemis : It’s only money. And everyone with money says money is not important.
28- Sheila Hammond : You see? I’ve known you, what, five minutes and already I’d rather have you kill me.
29- Joel Hammond : Here’s a solution. Let’s all stop talking until I can think of what to say next.
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