Kelly Maxwell : There’s one thing I learned from Ash. Shoot first, ask questions never.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : With all due respect, your tiny brain is a lot safer without my problems inside it.
Pablo Simon Bolivar : You fought this thing before. Maybe you just got to finish what you started.
Kelly Maxwell : One false move, and I will Second Amendment your brains all over this truck.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : Trust me, once you get jacked in the face, it’ll all click. I can’t even get my nut up to rumble unless I’ve had a good shot to the chin.
Pablo Simon Bolivar : You can’t outrun evil, Ash!
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : When you get back to Hell, work on your aim.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : First thing I got to do is see a guy about a book. Must be some spell I can say to undo all this. The other first thing I got to do is some cardio, ’cause my heart is jackhammering like a quarterback on prom night.
Kelly Maxwell : Everyone in this world is plagued by something evil.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : Well Pop, I guess it’s time to ride the pale horse, up to the discount hardware store in the sky.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : You’re the one who grew up your entire life looking for that book, and you never found it. Me on the other hand, I can’t fart without tripping over that thing. And I fart a lot.
Kelly Maxwell : We’re not leaving a trail of blood and guts behind us, we’re keeping Michigan moist.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : Whoa, I got two hands! Brujo, I need two beers!
Kelly Maxwell : Hey, I’m looking for a friend. He’s, uh, tall, dumb, smells like… bread. Um, oh yeah, chainsaw arm. Probably should’ve, led with that one, but…
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : What’s out there knows that you’re alive, and it wants you to be… un-alive.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : You know, I was gonna take that propane and blow the doors off, but I’ll happily blow your doors off first.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : She shouldn’t be alone right now. Plus, you’re kinda like a young me. Deadites ruined your life and you’re hot as hell.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : Last time I was here with a girl, I was hopin’ to get laid. Didn’t quite work out that way. I did cut my own hand off with a chainsaw, though. It was a fun weekend
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : Someone needs to wash your mouth out, kid. And that someone is me.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : If you live in the past, you hurt the future.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : This ain’t a charity. What we’re up against only understands one thing.
Ruby : Do you know what evil is, Kelly? It’s power without fear, without guilt, and without pain.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : All roads to destroying this evil lead right back to where it all began. The cabin
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : Well, good news I found a piece of pie with no blood on it. Anybody want a bite?
Ruby : I’ve learned you can always make things more painful.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : Hey, good looking. You here to break me out or break me in?
Ruby : Without good, there is no evil.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : Ladies, I’m gonna be honest with you, I’m not drunk enough to know if this is good-weird or bad-weird. But I’ll get there though.
“Oh you stop right there sugar lips, the last time we made a deal I got jack shit out of it okay?”
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : Once again I saved the world. Now it’s time to get the girl.
Kelly Maxwell : Is there any world, where this doesn’t have something to do with Ash?
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : We gave peace a chance. Now it’s time for war.
Pablo Simon Bolivar : Ash, If I was a Deadite, I would be honored to have you chop my head off.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : If you snag a little fish, you’re not gonna eat it. No, you use it as a bait fish, to catch the whale.
Ash: I’m sorry I let you down Kiddo. But I promise you this: if you’re still out there somewhere, I’ll bring you home.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : Sometimes the whale needs his bait fish to remind him of where he is in the ocean. Or somethin’ like that.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : Meet me in the men’s room in three minutes. But I gotta warn you, you’re gonna want to leave your husband for me, and I can’t let that happen. Family values.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : I’ve always wanted to spend time in the city so nice, they named it Jacksonville.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : Hey, uh, Brujo, thanks for the opinion, appreciate it. Now you can take it, turn it sideways, shove it right up the old poop chute.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : Yes, I’m upset. Yes, I’m behind the wheel. Yes, I’m drunk. And maybe my license isn’t the fancy kind from the DMV. But at least I’m drunk!
Kelly Maxwell : If I’ve learned anything from you, Ash, it’s that if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : Everybody dies here. It’s just a rule. Death, taxes, more death. And I don’t pay taxes, so all I know is death.
Ruby: Sometimes what you think you saw, it’s exactly what you saw.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : Now I’m gonna kill you, just like I killed your father! I didn’t really kill your father, that just kinda sounded cool.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : Pablo, I hope your weird Brujo uncle can help us out, ’cause me no likey bein’ responsible for everything bad.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : I told you. A good shot to the face always gets the juices flowin’.
Kelly Maxwell : We all waste time. Important thing is, when we decide to stop.
Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams : My name is Ash Williams. I’m a hero from the future. I’m here to save the world from evil. Again.
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