1- Jeff Murdoch : I used to write the word ‘naked’ on a bit of paper hundreds of times and rub my face in it
2- Jeff Murdoch : I insulted her friend’s breasts, and she thinks I collect women’s ears in a bucket
3- Jeff Murdoch : Right after your shoes and before your trousers: that’s the sock gap
4- Steve Taylor : You think that if you kiss a woman, you mother will emasculate you with a miniature guillotine
5- Steve Taylor : It just lies there. It’s fat litter. It’s a sofa parasite
6- Jeff Murdoch : She’s somewhere between completely imaginary and a truck
7- Jeff Murdoch : I’ve got the keys to paradise, but I’ve got too many legs
8- Steve Taylor : It’s not genetically possible for men to have opinions about fabric
9- Steve Taylor : We are men. We are different. We have only one word for soap. We do not own candles
10- Jane Christie : Friendship’s more lasting than love, and more legal than stalking
11- Sally Harper : Do you think there’s such a thing as airborne calories? Maybe they just jump directly onto your hips
12- Sally Harper : Having a bottom is living with the enemy. Not only do they spend their lives slowly inflating, they flirt with men while we’re looking the other way.
13- Sally: You’ve always got to send a man a book when you split up, to prove how you’re a caring, giving person, and how they’re going to die in a pit of their own filth.
14- Jeff Murdoch : Throughout the ages to come, men and women shall grab hold of these, and shout my name
15- Jeff Murdoch : Every time she passes me in a corridor, I walk sideways into the wall. She thinks I’m a mute with a balance problem
16- Patrick : A relationship is a loving bond between two people, and a threesome can take the edge off that
17- Sally Harper : I only ever smile at single men so I can justify the loss of elasticity
18- Jeff Murdoch : All of us, in our time, are visited by the melty man
19- Sally Harper : Trust me, death is the best argument for moisturizer.
20- Jeff Murdoch : I don’t talk to women when they’re emotional. They’re allowed to slap you
21- Sally: I don’t want to look great. I want to look thin.
22- Jeff Murdoch : Sometimes when she’s laying there and she’s just so, so totally naked, I can’t control myself. I just sort of hoover
23- Sally Harper : A bald, noisy thing is going to crawl out of my genitals, ruin my life, and my mother is going to side with it
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