1- “Spider-Baby- It’s got the body of a spider, and the mind of a baby.”
2- “That would be a ecumenical matter.”
3- Bishop Brennan: You will address me by my proper title, you little bollocks!
4- “We’re all going to heaven lads, wahey!!”
5- “These are small, but the ones out there are far away.”
6- “Feic, arse, drink, girls.”
7- “I’m no good at judging the size of crowds Ted, but I’d say there’s about seventeen million of them out there.”
8- “Looks like rain, Ted.”
9- “That money was just resting in my account.”
10- Ted: Dougal, how did you get into the church in the first place? Was it, like, ‘collect 12 crisp packets and become a priest?’
11- “Shoddy workmanship, that’s what it is.”
12- Dougal: Sorry Ted. I was concentrating too hard on looking holy.
13- “Who would he be like? Hitler or one of those mad fellas?”
“Oh, worse than Hitler. You wouldn’t find Hitler playing jungle music at 3 o’clock in the morning.”
14- “I love cake.” (or I have no willy… or again, everything uttered by Eoin McLove).
15- Ted: Sheep, like all wool-bearing animals, instinctively travel north, where it’s colder, and they won’t be so stuffy.
16- “You were wearing your blue jumper.”
17- Mrs. Doyle: Pat was just wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box.
18- “Go on, go on, go on, go on”
19- Mrs Doyle: Oh she writes such filth, Father. It’s always “Feck this” and “Feck that” – and sometimes she even uses the “F” word!
20- Dougal: I’m no good at judging the size of crowds Ted, but I’d say there’s about seventeen million of them out there
21- That money was just resting in my account
22- Jack: A PAIR OF FECKIN’ WOMEN’S KNICKERS!
23- “Is there anything to be said for saying another mass?”
24- Dougal: C’mere Ted, Ted, Teddy, Ted. God, I love being a priest. We’re all going to heaven lads, wheeeyyyyyy!
25-“I’ve had my fun and that’s all that matters.”
26- Dougal: God I’ve never seen a clock at 5 a.m. before!
27- Jack: ARSEBISCUITS!
28- Mrs. Doyle: I’m so excited. Taking on three bishops all at once. I can’t wait.
29- “That’s mad, Ted.”
30- Dougal: God, Ted. D’you remember that feller who was so good at fashion they had to shoot him?
31- “Which one do you prefer, Oasis or Blur?”
32- Dougal: A one-word film. There can’t be too many of those. Salem’s Lot?
33- “Doesn’t Mary have a lovely bottom? (Of course, they ALL have lovely bottoms.)”
34- “It’s Ireland’s largest lingerie section’ I understand.”
34- Dougal: How come all the rocks are different sizes?
35- “Don’t they all have lovely bottoms”
36- “Drink, feck, arse, girls”
37- Dougal: Put your clothes back on, Carol, I can’t concentrate.
38- “Is there anything to be said for another mass?”
39- “I love my brick.”
40- Dougal: As if magic, I can create a big crowd of invisible ducks
41- “Careful now/Down with that sort of thing.”
42- “Cowboys ted, a bunch of cowboys.”
43- Dougal: It’s like a great big tide of jam. But jam made out of… old women.
44- “You’re going on my list, Tony.” (Along with anything Fr Noel Furlong (Graham Norton) said ever.)
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