“I’m sorry, but your opinion means very little to me. – Rick”
“Hi Mr. Jellybean, I’m Morty. I’m on an adventure with my grandpa.”
“Thanks, Mr. Poopybutthole. I always could count on you.”
“I don’t like it here Morty. I can’t abide bureaucracy. I don’t like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt?
Rick”
“Excuse me. Coming through. What are you here for? Just kidding, I don’t care.”
“Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. We’re all going to die. Come watch TV.
Morty”
“Stay scientific, Jerry.”
“My life has been a lie… God is dead. The government’s lame! Thanksgiving is about killing Indians!”
“This pickle doesn’t care about your children. I’m not gonna take their dreams. I’m gonna take their parents.”
“You know, we did something great today. There’s nothing more noble and free than the heart of a horse.”
“Life is effort and I’ll stop when I die!
Jerry”
“Alright, Morty, this’ll make your piss drinkable. Now can we keep shopping?”
“I’ll tell you how I feel about school, Jerry: it’s a waste of time. Bunch of people runnin’ around bumpin’ into each other, got a guy up front says, ‘2 + 2,’ and the people in the back say, ‘4.’ Then the bell rings and they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or somethin’. I mean, it’s not a place for smart people, Jerry. I know that’s not a popular opinion, but that’s my two cents on the issue.
– Rick”
“Is evil real, and if so, can it be measured? Rhetorical question. The answer’s yes, you just have to be a genius.”
“So I have an emo streak. It’s part of what makes me so rad.”
“Hey, muchacho, does your planet have wiper fluid yet or you gonna freak out and start worshipping us?- Rick”
“Existence is pain to a meeseeks Jerry, and we will do anything to alleviate that pain.
– Mr. Meeseeks”
““Dad, am I evil?”
”Worse. You’re smart.””
“It’s a new machine. It detects stuff all the way up your butt.”
“Morty, I need your help on an adventure. Eh, “”need”” is a strong word. We need door stops, but a brick would work too.”
“Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you but what people call ‘love’ is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.
– Rick”
“Weddings are basically funerals with cake.”
“Be good, Morty. Be better than me.”
“Babylegs, you’re a good detective. But not good enough, because of your baby legs.”
“This place is a real Who’s Who of who’s you and me.”
“We all remember you as a friend.
Morty”
“Morty, get their weapons quick. I only had one of those things. I’m holding a carton of Tic-Tacs right now.”
“It’s funny to say they are small…it’s funny to say they are big. – Shrimply Pibbles”
“You act like prey but you’re a predator! You use pity to lure in your victims. That’s how you survive!”
“That’s it! That’s it, Rick! I’m taking the wheel!”
“Bird Person! NO!!!”
“Grandpa goes around, and he does his business in public because Grandpa isn’t shady.”
“Goodbyyyyye, Moonmen. Goodbyyyyye, Moonmen…”
“I’m Mr. Crowbar, and this is my friend, who is also a crowbar. – Jerry”
“Wubba lubba dub dub! – Rick”
“What about the reality where Hitler cured cancer, Morty? The answer is: Don’t think about it.
– Rick,”
“What, so everyone’s supposed to sleep every single night now? Y-you realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?
Rick”
“You’re a monster. You’re like Hitler but even Hitler cared about Germany or something!
Morty”
“I’m not staring at you. I’m taking your mugshot.”
“God? God is turning people into giant insect monsters, Beth. I’m the one who’s beating them to death. Thank me.”
“Unity, I’m sorry. I didn’t know freedom meant people doing stuff that sucks. I was thinking more of a ‘choose your own cellphone carrier’ thing.
Summer”
“Million Ants, ladies and gentlemen! The amazing ant colony with the power of two human eyes!”
“Be good, Morty. Be better than me.”
” Weddings are basically just funerals with cake. – Rick”
“When you know nothing matters, the universe is yours. And I’ve never met a universe that was into it.”
“God’s turning people into insect monsters, Beth. I’m the one beating them to death. Thank me. – Jerry”
“Listen, I’m not the nicest guy in the universe, because I’m the smartest, and being nice is something stupid people do to hedge their bets.
Rick”
“There is no god, Summer; gotta rip that band-aid off now you’ll thank me later.
Rick”
“There is no god, Summer; gotta rip that band-aid off now you’ll thank me later.
– Rick”
“We’ve got a lot of friends and family to exterminate.
Rick”
“Homework is stupid. The whole point is to try and get less of it. We’re gonna incept your teacher. …Y-You’re frustrating me.”
“My story begins at the dawn of time in the far away realm of Alphabetrium.”
“How do you feel about all the innocent people that are dying because of your choices?”
“Hungry for Apples?”
“Sometimes science is a lot more art than science. A lot of people don’t get that.
– Rick”
“I’m Tiny Rick! – Tiny Rick”
“I know I’m new to the Citadel and some of you might think I haven’t put in my time but what can I say? I’m Cool Rick!”
“Sometimes science is more art than science, Morty. Lot of people don’t get that.
Rick”
“If I let you make me nervous, then we can’t get schwifty.”
“This is the supergenius equivalent of dying on the toilet.”
“Get off the high road Summer. We all got pink eye because you won’t stop texting on the toilet.
Rick”
“I just want to go back to Hell, where everyone thinks I’m smart and funny.”
“Lemme check my list of powers and weaknesses: ability to do anything, but only whenever I want.”
“Let’s get this dumb universe rollin’!”
“My interdimensional portal device… it’s got no charge left, Morty. It’s got no charge left. It’s as good as garbage, Morty.”
“I’m sorry, Morty. It’s a bummer. In reality you’re as dumb as they come.
Rick”
“Nine seasons, Morty! Nine more seasons until I get that dipping Szechuan sauce. And 97 more years, Morty!”
“Don’t deify the people who leave you”
“Great dancing as always, Tiny Rick.”
“I’m not staring at you. I’m a cyborg photographer.”
“Come home to the flavor of shattering the grand illusion. Come home to Simple Rick’s.”
“School’s not a place for smart people. I know that’s not a popular opinion, but that’s my two cents on the issue.”
“I’m Pickle Riiiick!”
“My kind has no use for names. I communicate through what you call, “”Jessica’s feet.”” No, “”telepathy.”””
“We both know if there’s a truth in the universe, it’s that Ricks don’t care about Mortys.”
“Burger time!”
“What is my purpose?”” “”You pass butter.”” “”…Oh my God.”” “”Yeah, welcome to the club, pal.
– Butter Robot,”
“Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you but what people call “love” is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.
Rick”
“Ovenless brownies!”
“The world is full of idiots who don’t understand what’s important! And they’ll try to tear us apart, Morty!”
“I’m not looking for judgement, just a yes or no. Can you assimilate a giraffe?
Rick”
“Get off the high road, Summer. We all got pink eye because you won’t stop texting on the toilet.”
“Oh, unbelievable. We got a bunch of… computer people here, with their faces stuffed in computer screens. Do you guys realize Christ was born today? Jesus Christ our Savior was born today! A-A-Are you people even human?”
“You know, the only problem here is a big fat brain that misses eating all them big fat problems”
“Lambs to the cosmic slaughter!”
“Boom! Big reveal! I turned myself into a pickle!”
“Huntin’ a vampire with my grandkids! Tiny Rick!”
“What, so everyone’s supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?”
“Rick. I am pleased that you and your family could witness my melding ceremony”
“its a device Morty, that when you put it in your ear, you can enter people’s dreams Morty. Its just like that movie that you keep crowing about
Rick”
“Oxygen-rich atmosphere… Giant testicle monsters… Let’s keep the party going!”
“Ugh. You guys get the baskets. I’ll try to disarm the drunkenly improvised neutrino bomb.”
“I was using ghoulish overkill! Ghoulish overkill, Summer!”
“If I die in a cage, I lose a bet.”
“Think for yourselves. Don’t be sheep.”
“He’s not pressing charges… That’s gotta be the “you shot me” equivalent of not being mad.
Rick”
“Existence is pain to a meeseeks Jerry, and we will do anything to alleviate that pain.
Meeseeks”
“Weddings are basically funerals with cake.
Rick”
“How’s your fake grandpa, aka the Devil?”
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